New life
by Asher36
Summary: i don't really know the exact story line. just read it. at the later point, i do start bringing arrancar back...ones i make up and ones you probably know
1. Chapter 1

The night was dark. I was walking down the slick wet road, my shoulders hunched, my head down, shivering from the rain. I probably shouldn't have been walking home this late in the first place but I was coming home from my friend's house late and this was my only way of getting home.

My name is Saruwatari Saki but my friends usually just call me Saru. I had visited my friend for the last time before she moved. And now I have no friends.

My long hair was sending water down the back of my shirt which was making me even more cold and wet. A car sprinted past and happened to hit a water puddle, which sprayed water on me and now I was completely drenched. I groaned but kept walking. I ignored a heavy panting noise that was somewhere on the other side of the street to my left. I figured it was just some drunk that was smoking or something.

But then the breathing got right behind me and then goosebumps rose up on my neck. I started walking faster. Eventually it turned to sprinting and the minute I got to my house I unlocked the door and then slammed it behind me, locking it.

Living alone was probably not the best idea. But all my family was dead so there wasn't anything I could do about it.

I stood leaning against the door for a minute, panting hard. I then went and showered, changed into pajamas and went to bed.

When I got up in the morning for the first day of school, I realized I was running late. I flung myself onto the floor, ripped my uniform out of the closet and changed fast and grabbed my bag and sprinted out the door and ran all the way to the school building. When I got there I noticed a small group gathered outside and I realized I was still early. So with a sigh I tossed my bag onto a bench and sat down.

I tried to ignore the fact that the orange-headed guy standing in that group kept looking at me. Eventually I got up and moved to a different spot where he couldn't see me.

The bell rang in the nasally tone it did every day so I got up and walked over to the front doors, looking down at the ground when I passed the orange-head guy.

But when I got to the classroom and sat down, I noticed he was in my class and I moved to where I could see if he was staring at me or not. Luckily for me, his tall dark skinned friend seemed to be distracting him. But when class started, I noticed the guy looked at me again before turning his attention to the front. It was all the mandatory first day of school crap so I started doodling on my notebook, completely ignoring the teacher and the rest of the class all together. I didn't even notice when we got out for lunch.

When I did get up, I noticed that the orange headed guy was already gone. I let out a sigh of relief. All the staring he was doing had been making me uncomfortable. I walked out and then went outside to the tables but all the other students were crowding them. I walked over to an isolated spot close to where the balcony was on the roof of the school but on the ground and I started eating my lunch. When I looked up at one point, I noticed the orange head and his tall friend were up there. I quickly looked back down again so as to avoid his eyes.

It made me wonder why he kept staring at me. Was there something in my hair? It would be obvious to see considering how blonde it is. I pulled a mirror out of my bag and used my fingers to brush my hair out but there was nothing in it. I frowned but tucked my mirror back in my bag and kept eating. I wasn't really sure why he would stare at me.

Oh wait that's right. I'm the new girl-the freak. This is my first year at a different school. I transferred here after my parents died so that way it wouldn't matter if I lived alone or not. Apparently this school doesn't care. But the staring was making me really uncomfortable and I wished silently to myself that he'd stop.

I took a quick glance up and was confused when I didn't see the orange head up there. I jumped violently when I felt someone nudge my back and I turned around. I jumped violently again when I realized it was the orange head guy.

"Hi." He said. "You new to this school?"

I nod. "First year coming to this school. I transferred here after my parents died." I could feel my eyes misting up so I looked away.

He didn't say anything for a minute. "I'm-um-sorry about that."

I shrugged. "It happened this summer so it's not that-" I feel a tear roll down my face and I sighed. "Never mind."

I heard him start to walk. "Do you want space then?"

I shrugged and don't answer.

"You're welcome to come eat lunch with me and my friend's if you want." He paused. "My name is Ichigo by the way."

" Saruwatari Saki but my friends usually just call me Saru. Though I don't have any anymore."

I turned to look at him while saying that. He stood there silently for a moment, which was really awkward.

He finally said. "So do you want to come have lunch with me and my friends?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

He shrugged. "Alright but if you change your mind I'll be up there." He pointed.

I nodded and he walked off. I exhaled. It was really awkward for me to meet new people, especially someone who kept staring at me on and off.

That's when I heard that breathing noise again and I looked up.

I completely froze up in fear.

It was the monster that killed my family. I could see the bloodlust in it's eyes as it stared directly at me from a few yards away.

It was after me next.


	2. Chapter 2

I sat there and just stared at it. It had a roundish head, with needle like teeth in the mask and it's eyes glowed red. It had a lizard like body, it sat there on all fours, just staring at me. And then it let out a low hiss. I wasn't sure if anyone else could see it and I still didn't move even when the bell rang for lunch to end. By the time the rest of the kids eating outside went inside, I was sure I wouldn't be able to move ever again.

It let out a menacing growl. I screamed.

Suddenly it appeared right in front of me and picked me up. "I remember you. You were the one I accidently left alive. I guess I won't make that mistake again."

I couldn't even struggle. All my muscles were locked in fear, even as it opened its mouth and moved me towards it. I couldn't even manage a scream.

Instead I closed my eyes. I wasn't ready to die, but I had to face it anyways-there was no escape for me.

But then the monster let out a shrill screech and I was suddenly flying. I slammed into somebody and then suddenly went rolling. I finally opened my eyes after I was done rolling. I managed to get to my hands and knees and I noticed that Ichigo was standing in front of the monster with a huge blade and was in a completely different outfit. I frowned.

My arms gave out and I realized I was bleeding pretty heavily. My vision blurred and I eventually blacked out.

When I regained consciousness I woke up in a room, I didn't recognize where. I was lying on a mat, in the middle of an otherwise empty room. It was like a traditional Japanese room almost. A door slid open and Ichigo was standing there. I sat up and stared at him wide eyed. He took one step and I was off the mat and I scooted into the other wall, shaking and still staring at him, totally freaked out.

He held his hands up in a I mean no harm gesture. I was still shaking and I couldn't blink. My eyes were frozen wide.

The first thing I managed to say. "Did you kill the thing?"

He nodded slowly. I sagged in relief. "Good."

"It looks like you've seen those before."

"I've seen that one before once. It killed my parents."

Ichigo's face froze on shock. "What?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Exact same one. I don't know why he left me alive the first time but…"I trailed off with a shrug.

He stopped where he was standing and just slowly sat down and I realized he was carrying a tray. I also realized I had tears running down my face. I covered my face, not wanting him to see that I was crying.

"Are you hungry?" He asked softly.

It took me a minute but when I finally uncovered my face I nodded, not trusting that my voice will be steady.

He passed the tray over to me and I chowed down on the toast and cereal on the tray. After I finished I passed the tray back to him.

"So." My voice is crackly and hoarse. "What was that thing anyways?"

"I'll explain-um-later." He got up and took the tray out without another word. I didn't move from my spot although now my ribs were aching as well as my right shoulder and I realized they were bandaged. That must've been where I was bleeding. And the bandages were starting to turn crimson and I hissed in pain and went to lie back down.

Ichigo came back in and noticed that my bandages were getting red again and he sighed. He looked out. "Kisuke the stitches didn't hold up she's bleeding again!"

I lied down, getting dizzy. I didn't like looking at blood for large amounts of time. At least not mine own. I'm fine with others but not my own for some weird reason. And I knew it would probably start to really get worse after a minute.

I heard someone come in. "They should have."

"She kind of moved away when I came In the room."

"That would explain why she's bleeding again." Suddenly someone in a green hat with blonde hair was leaning over me. "You know, it's not a good idea to move when you just got fairly bad injuries yesterday."

I scowled at him. He shrugged. "I'm just letting you know."

"I already knew that." I growled at him.

He didn't say anything but did start taking the bandages off which meant I could see blood which made me lose consciousness again.

When I woke back up Ichigo was sitting against the other wall and I slowly sat up, wincing when there was a slight ache. He was watching my movement.

"Easy you don't want to rip open the stitches again. And you'll end up annoying Urahara again."

I didn't say anything, but I knew that there was total confusion on my face. He sighed. "This is Kisuke Urahara's place. He's the one who fixed your stitches a little while ago."

I nodded and then exhaled. "So are you going to explain what that monster was?"

He sighed. "This will take a while."

"I obviously have a while."

He laughed and then started explaining.


	3. Chapter 3

I sit there listening to his explanation. A lot of it won't process in my head. I didn't want to believe it. But I saw that monster with my own eyes. What other reason could it be other than what he's telling me?

After he finished explaining he could see that glazed over look in my eyes from thinking. "Hey were you even listening?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm just trying to process."

He snorted. "For a second I thought you were zoning out and I thought I was going to have to do something about it."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. So what am I going to do now?"

He let out a huff of air. "I don't really know right now. I'd have to talk to Urahara about it."

I sighed but didn't say anything else. From what it sounded like, I wasn't out of danger's way quite yet. But I could see from the look on his face he wasn't going to say. Or at least he wasn't going to say anything right now.

I changed the subject. "When do I go back to school?"

He shrugged. "It depends on how long it takes for your injuries to heal."

I sighed. "So it could be long time then?"

He shrugged and stood up. "I'll be right back." He left the room.

I sighed and slowly laid back down. I fixed my eyes on the ceiling. This was almost too much for me to handle. I could feel my eyes start to water. With my life in danger and now all of this-it was just too overwhelming. I closed my eyes. I started to get overwhelmed with memories that I had to open my eyes and try to clear my mind.

I heard the door slide back open and I slowly sat back up. It was the guy with the hat again and Ichigo was standing behind him. I watched warily as they both came into the room.

"My name is Kisuke Urahara. You would be Saru right?" He asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"You know what you saw right?"

For some reason this irritated me. "Yes, Ichigo explained it to me."

"You know that you for sure saw it?"

"Yes!" I snapped, getting even more irritated.

"Urahara even I know it was there." Ichigo said quietly.

"I was just checking."

"I wasn't hallucinating if that's what you're asking." I snarled.

He backed up a little, his hands raised in a gesture of no harm. "I was just checking. No need to get mad."

I scowled but didn't say anything else. I had to watch my tongue especially since I was staying under his roof. Why didn't they just patch me up at home? I don't really know. But I was about ready to throw something at this guy. I was getting a little angry with him.

"Can't I just stay at my house?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not until you've been healed up."

I growled and lied back down without another word. I didn't have anything to say to him. Well anything that was exactly nice.

After a moment, I did speak, though I stared at the ceiling as I spoke. "So what are we going to do now?"

"Well, first of all, we have to do something about your spiritual energy. If we don't, you're going to keep repeatedly getting attacked." Urahara said with a sigh.

Ichigo whispered something to him but I couldn't make out what he said. I let my eyes slip closed but then they are jerked right open again by a whistle.

"What the heck?" I slowly sat up and glared at Urahara.

He had an innocent expression on his face. "That wasn't me." Then he frowned and left the room.

I rubbed my eyes. "Why is he so annoying?"

Ichigo laughed. "That's just his personality."

I snorted. "That's a great excuse." And then I didn't say anything else after that. Ichigo was silent as well and I lied back down because that's all I could do without tearing the stitches back open. I heard voices outside of my room one was Urahara's and the other was one I didn't recognize. Ichigo was standing by the door and he slid it open part way.

"Oh, hey Orihime." He said, sounding surprised.

I sat up, totally confused. "Who now?"

Ichigo looked at me. "My friend Orihime." Then he turned back around. "I don't want to sound rude or anything, but what are you doing here?"

She laughed nervously. "I went looking for you and Chad told me you were here so here I am." She sounded totally nervous.

I lied back down, no longer caring who it was. It sounded like this girl had a crush on Ichigo. Not like I cared.

"So what did you need?"

"Did you want me to heal her?"

I sat up in total confusion. "Huh?"


	4. Chapter 4

Ichigo turned and looked at me. "You okay?"

I was still totally confused. "Did she just say she was going to heal me?"

A girl poked her head in with a smile on her face. "Yep."

I stared at her for a minute. I then just shrugged, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know how she was going to do it. But at the same time I was actually really wondering about it.

She took a step in. I watched her, feeling a little wary but for no good reason at all. She kneeled next to me and I lied down because I figured it make whatever she was doing much easier. I felt her touch the bandages and I winced but didn't make any sort of noise. I felt her slowly take the bandages off my ribs and then the one of my shoulder and then she whispered something. I was suddenly blinded by a bright yellow light but it was in a triangular shape but I could hardly look at it because of how bright it was. So I closed my eyes, feeling like I was going to go blind if I didn't.

"There." I heard her say. "All done."

I opened my eyes and sat up. I realized there was nothing left of my injuries. Not even a scar. I stared for the longest time before I looked at her.

"Uh-thanks." I went back to staring and then I looked at my shoulder.

She smiled at me and got up. "You're welcome."

She walked over to the door and faced Ichigo. "Oh, Chad wanted me to tell you he's having a game night at his house tonight if you want to go."

"Thanks. I'll think about it." He said to her.

I watched him slide the door shut. I ran my hand under my shirt along my shoulder and it was smooth and barely hurt.

Ichigo saw the shock and confusion on my face and he smirked. "Wondering how she did that?"

I nodded. "A little bit."

He snorted but didn't say anything else. I just sat there and wondered. I never really saw what she did because I wasn't looking at her. The light was too blindingly bright for me to look at anything. But at the same time I didn't want to know. I was already overwhelmed by everything else. Any other weirdness and I thought I might freak out or faint or something I never do.

I realized I still had my shirt up and I tugged it down, my face turning red. Ichigo laughed. I looked up at him and stood up, nearly falling over in the process. Ichigo started laughing harder. I stomped over to him and he wouldn't stop laughing. So I promptly punched him in the stomach which made him fall over. I just glared at him and he was wheezing.

"What was that for?" He looked up at me and then stood up.

"You were laughing at me." I was still giving him the death glare.

He snorted. "And this makes you mad."

I just rolled my eyes. "Can I go home now?"

Suddenly his face went blank and he didn't look at me. I frowned and took a step back, immediately knowing that he was keeping something from me. I didn't say anything, because I could tell he was about to tell me anyways.

"Your house was destroyed by a Hollow that was looking for you last night." He wasn't looking at me still.

I could feel the expression on my face freeze there. I opened my mouth to say something but then my mouth snapped shut again. I couldn't think of something to say. I started shaking. On top of having no family, now I was homeless. There were tears streaming down my face. I wiped them off and slowly sat down, staring at my feet. I wasn't going to say anything and I didn't want Ichigo to see me crying.

"Hey you okay?" He asked me.

I shrugged, not saying anything. I didn't trust my voice right now. I was physically and emotionally hurting. I wasn't sure why all of this just kept happening to me. I really hoped it couldn't get any worse. But it did. And now it seems like it could probably get worse despite how much I didn't want it to. Luck just wasn't with me today. I closed my eyes and just rested my forehead on my knees. I didn't know what to do now. I had nothing to do. I had no home to go back to.

As if it could get any worse.

But I couldn't be more wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

I went to bed early that night. I was staying in Urahara's shop for now, until they could figure out a new living arrangement for me. And we all figured I would be safe there. But I guess we hadn't thought about some way to keep my spiritual energy or whatever from being detected.

I was woken up at like midnight by a scratchy growling sound. I figured it wasn't really anything that could be problematic so I tried to go back to sleep. Then the sound repeated itself and it was a lot closer. I opened my eyes and something with red eyes was hanging over me. I opened my mouth to scream but it covered my mouth. I sank my nails into its hand and eventually made an attempt to bite, which forced it to pull its hand back for a minute which allowed me to get out a short scream.

It wraps its whole hand around my head. It picked me up and dragged me out the window but that's as far as it got before I spotted Ichigo standing there. The Hollow dropped me and hissed. Ichigo lunged at the Hollow as someone picked me up. I was frozen staring at the fight to care who it was who picked me up-until whoever was carrying me took me inside and wouldn't put me down.

I looked up and I realized it was Urahara. "Why won't you put me down?"

"I'm taking you downstairs where your spiritual pressure won't be easily detected. I'll have to grab you something to sleep on but it's safer. " He said, throwing open a trap door like thing and started down a ladder.

"What the heck is this?" I asked.

We were in a giant room that made me think of a desert. It had a sky pattern painted on the walls and ceiling and there was sparse, dead shrubbery and huge rocks.

"I'll explain later." He sat me down on my feet. "I'll go get you something to sleep on."

He went back up the ladder, leaving me standing there by myself. I stared at it. It made me wonder why on earth someone would need a giant room like this underneath a shop or whatever I was staying in. I didn't move from where I was standing though, I was stunned by the massive size of this thing.

"It's cool isn't it." It was Ichigo.

I jumped and spun around. "When did you get here?"

"Like two seconds ago." He was smiling at my reaction.

"This thing is massive. Like-wow." I turned back around and admired the sheer size of this underground desert thing.

"Yeah, I know." He said. "I don't really know how he built it."

"What's it for anyways?"

He didn't say anything. I turned around and I saw Urahara coming back down the ladder with a sleeping pad a pillow and some blankets. When he brought them over to me I laid them out and then sat down and looked up at him.

"Thanks by the way." I started to set things out.

"No problem." He said. "Ichigo are you planning on staying down here for a little while or going or what are you doing?"

I looked up at Ichigo. He was rubbing his forehead and let out a sigh.

"I'll probably stay here until she falls asleep." He said.

Urahara nodded and went back upstairs. I heard the trap door shut. Ichigo sat down next to me. I stared at him for a minute before admiring the room again.

"This must be overwhelming for you." He said and I turned to look at him. "I know it was for me. I flipped a table because I didn't believe it."

I snorted. "I wouldn't be able to do that."

"I'm not entirely sure why I did it." He smirked. "I was just probably overwhelmed."

I yawned involuntarily. And then blinked and I nearly couldn't open my eyes back open again.

"Sorry." I said. "I'm so tired."

He got to his feet. "It's fine. Just get rest. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

He headed for the ladder and I frowned. "What do you mean?"

He went upstairs without explaining a word so I just sighed and laid down and stared at the ceiling until the room suddenly went pitch black. He must have turned the light off on his way up. I wanted to say thanks but I probably wouldn't have been able to even see where the ladder was.

I realized for someone I just met, he was being extremely kind and friendly to me. I could feel my eyes tearing up. I wasn't entirely sure why I was crying so I knew I needed to go to sleep. I closed my eyes and drifted off.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up in the morning off of what I was sleeping on and in the dirt, dirty and scratched up. I groaned and sat up and nearly screamed when I saw Urahara standing a few feet away.

"Couldn't you have at least said you were there?" I scowled at him.

He didn't say anything. I sighed and stood up, brushing the dirt off of my clothes. He just watched me while I was dusting off and I start to feel creeped out.

"What?" I asked him, taking a few steps back.

"I'm thinking." He put his fist under his chin with his elbow resting in his other hand and just stood there.

I started to turn away, really feeling creeped out. I didn't like that he was still staring at me. I guess it was creepier since his hat hooded his eyes. I just shuddered and turned away, staring at the vast room. It had to be at least ten minutes before he said anything.

"How would it make you feel if I knocked you out of your body right this very second?" He asked.

I turned around and gave him a really weird look. "What?"

He held his cane up and pointed it at me. "I need to knock your soul out of your body."

I just stared at him. "Is that even safe?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes at me. "Don't be so paranoid—you'll be fine."

I took steps back away from him. I wasn't sure of what he was doing but I was almost 100 % sure I didn't want to know. He sighed and started walking towards me. I kept backing up. I didn't want to do it. There was no way he was going to make me do it. I started walking backwards faster, which wasn't exactly a very smart idea. I don't have the greatest balance. I felt something behind me and I ended up sprawled out on my back. I sat up but the minute I did, I felt something slam into the back of my head and I had this sensation of falling. Which was weird because I was already sitting. But then I heard a clinking sound.

I looked down and saw a metal circle on my chest connected to a chain. I followed that chain with my eyes and it was connected to my body. I screamed. I didn't understand what was going on or how this was even possible. But I was panicking.

I felt a hand slap over my mouth. I was shaking from panicking.

"Calm down—calm down!" Urahara said. I bit his hand and he pulled it away, cussing.

I turned to glare at him, flinching at the clinking sound the chains made. "What the heck are you doing? Are you crazy?!"

"If you'll calm down and let me explain." He glared hard at me. "You might be able to make some sort of sense out of it."

I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Right. Because there's totally a way to make sense of this." I grab the chain and rattle it.

"It won't be easy to comprehend at first but you'll get it."

I shrugged. "Sure whatever."

He sighed in irritation. "Are you going to calm down and let me explain or not?"

I shrugged and didn't say anything. He just stood there and glared at me until my stomach growled. He sighed.

"I'll make breakfast then will you let me explain?"

I shrugged again and he rolled his eyes and went up the ladder. I stared at my body then back at the chain. I wasn't entirely sure what to make out of this—but I was distracted by loud voices upstairs. I heard the trap door open and slam and somebody was coming down the ladder. I couldn't tell who it was right at first but then I noticed it was Ichigo. Once he reached the bottom he turned around, saw I was sitting by my body, and let out a long, irritated sigh.

"He told me he was going to wait." He said.

I shrugged. "I didn't even know what he wanted to do—I still have no idea what's going on."

He sighed and slapped his hand over his face. "I never know what that old man's gonna do anymore. He says one thing and then does the other."

I snorted. "I used to know a lot of people who were like that."

"I wish he'd just wait like he said. I was on my way to school but it looks like I can't go now. Stupid old man." He grumbled.

I heard the trap door open and slam shut and somebody with red hair came down the ladder with a tray of food, dropped it, and went back up the ladder again. I walked over to the food and picked it up and started eating. It didn't take me very long to eat, but it took long enough for Urahara to come back down the ladder holding a bag with something in it. I saw him gesture to Ichigo to come forward to him. When he did he must've said something Ichigo didn't like because he shouted.

"ARE YOU INSANE?! THAT NEARLY FAILED WHEN YOU DID IT WITH ME!"

Urahara smacked him. "This is the only way to do it."

"You don't know if it'd work with her. Do you really think she has her own…?"

"With spiritual pressure like that I'm pretty sure she does."

I had no idea what they were talking about. They started talking in lower voices so I couldn't hear them. It wouldn't have mattered if they kept yelling. I wouldn't have understood what they were saying. It was confusing.

All I could deduce was that Urahara had done whatever he's doing before. And it had barely gone over well from what it sounds like. I shuddered thinking like that.

They talked quietly for at least twenty minutes. I was sure that they'd both forgotten I was here. I didn't want to say anything though, since they knew what they were talking about. So I just waited.

By the time they stopped talking, I'd sat down because I'd gotten tired of standing. Ichigo looked pretty pissed off. But he didn't say anything when Urahara came over to me.

"Come here." He said and started walking past me.

I got up and followed him. I was starting to get nervous about what was going on. I heard footsteps behind me. I didn't turn around, I just walked stiffly.

Then we came to this giant hole. I frowned.

Urahara turned to me. He didn't say anything to me, he just grabbed my chain.

"What are you doing?"

He still didn't say anything and that's when I get nervous when he pulled a blade out.

And that's when he cut the chain.


	7. Chapter 7

I stared at Urahara like he was crazy. He'd just cut my chain that connected me to my body. I turned to look at Ichigo but he was looking away. So I turned back to Urahara but then he tied my arms behind my back. I glared at him and then he threw me in the hole.

I hit the bottom with a thunk and I hissed in pain.

"What the frick was that for?!" I yelled up.

"It's a precaution. When your chain starts encroaching you're gonna wanna find your zanpakuto…if you have one…before the chain completely encroaches…otherwise you'll become a Hollow." Ichigo shouted back.

"What…how do I do that?" I was totally confused.

"I don't really know how to explain…" He shouted again. "It's something like going inside your mind….I guess you could say."

That didn't make a whole lot of sense. But that was my only choice unless I wanted to become one of those…things. I shuddered at the thought. I laid there for a minute trying to figure out what exactly I needed to do. But then I heard a noise. A crunching noise.

I looked at my chain and I noticed it was eating itself. Slowly, but it still was. I stared at it for what seemed like forever before I struggled to get into a sitting position and I laid against the wall. I suddenly felt like I wasn't in reality anymore.

I was standing in a meadow. The water was clear and sparkling next to me in the creek. There were trees everywhere. I noticed there were storm clouds as well. And everything underneath those storm clouds died.

I stood up, totally confused and I spun around and froze.

Someone was standing a few yards away from me. She had long red hair, was about my height, with green eyes. I stared.

"Who are you?" I shouted.

Her lips moved but I couldn't hear what she said because of a loud shriek of wind. I gave her a puzzled look and a shrug. She stared past me sadly.

"You're becoming a Hollow soon…" She suddenly said. "You have to find me."

I frowned in confusion. "You're standing right in front of me."

She rolled her eyes. "Not me me. The blade form I dwell in. You've never discovered me before because you've never been out of your body and never had your powers activated. Now they are being forcibly activated unless you want to become a mindless Hollow."

I flinched. It was harsh but it was the reality of the situation I was in. I looked around, not seeing any sort of blade around anywhere. I started to walk around, getting panicked when I saw the storm clouds moving in. They were getting closer and I knew that if I was covered, I'd be a Hollow. I began to search in a panicked sort of way. But I couldn't and I was getting flustered.

"It'd probably be easier if you knew my name." The woman said.

"Then what is your name?" I asked.

She said it loud enough I could hear her. "Yoso."

I picked up on a flash of metal by a rock quite a distance from where I was standing. I started running towards it. I realized the storm clouds were moving faster. I started running faster, finally seeing a clearer view of the blade.

The clouds started to shade over me and I realized that there was someone coming with the storm clouds. Someone who looked exactly like me only white.

I finally reached the blade and ripped her out of the stone.

"Too late." A freaky voice said right behind me.

I spun around to see that figure, standing right in front of me, blade out. I scowled.

She smirked. "I guess not. But you'll see me again."

Suddenly I was back in the training room, out of the hole. I looked about confusedly. I heard a cracking and I realized the whole left side of my body had turned Hollow right as I had found Yoso. The parts snapped off and I realized I was standing in the same clothes as Ichigo had been wearing that day I saw him attack that Hollow.

I looked totally confused. I stared at Ichigo, who was also in his Soul Reaper form, blade out and he was bleeding a little bit.

I stared. "Why are you bleeding?"

"You attacked me while you were Hollowfying." He frowned and looked at Urahara. "That wasn't expected was it?"

I looked at Urahara who shook his head. "It wasn't. Which leads me to believe you already had become partially Hollow when you were attacked by that one that killed your family."

I felt my eyes get huge. "Are you serious?"

He shrugged. "That's just what I think. Which means you've already been partly hollow for I don't know how many years."

"About 5. I was first attacked when I was 12."

Ichigo frowned. "Urahara it would've manifested a lot of faster if it happened that long ago."

"Not really. It had to wake up because this was the first time she was out of her body if you do realize."

"What does that mean for me?" I was starting to shake.

"It means you may have problems with your Hollow side a lot." Urahara stated flatly.

I felt the blade slip out of my hand and I dropped to the ground. I wasn't out of trouble at all. If anything I was in deeper. Because making me a Soul Reaper woke my Hollow side up. Now what was I going to do? I was shaking even harder. I let my head drop onto my knees. It was two days and my life just kept getting more and more messed up.

"See Urahara this is why you should've waited. She wasn't ready." Ichigo sounded upset.

"I don't think it would've matter if I waited. The results would've been exactly the same. Possibly even worse."

"How could it have been any worse?!"

"She could've gone full hollow almost instantly."

Ichigo didn't say anything after that. Words were beyond me at the moment. I was still horrified and shocked that this had even happened the way it did. And there was nothing we could do to fix it. I was having a hard time trying to figure out what the heck was happening in my head.

That's when I heard alarmed shouting from upstairs and Ichigo groaned.

"Crap, Urahara, Soul Society knows what you did."

I froze.


	8. Chapter 8

It sounded like the trap door was forced open and there were angry voices. Really angry. I shuddered because it sounded like whoever it was wanted to kill somebody. That's just what it sounded like.

Ichigo sighed. "Wait-Kenpachi?" He sounded startled. "Wouldn't they have sent Renji if there was a serious problem?"

"He was busy." A deep voice said that I didn't recognize. "So they sent me instead to see what the frick you guys were doing."

I started to shake even harder. I wasn't sure what kind of trouble we were in but from what it sounded like we were in massive amounts of trouble.

"I can explain—I…" Ichigo started but Urahara cut him off.

"I'm responsible for this."

The other man snorted. "Of course you are. That doesn't surprise me."

"Weren't there others that came with you?" Ichigo asked.

"Yes but I don't think transporting her." He was talking about me and I shuddered. "Will take more than me."

"What are you talking about? She didn't do anything wrong!"

"I still have to take her in."

"She didn't even get her powers illegally. They were her own. They just needed to be manifested."

"Show me your proof."

Ichigo sighed in frustration. "How on earth would I have proof?!"

There wasn't an answer. I heard footsteps and I knew someone had gotten closer to me. I didn't look up to see who it was. If it was that Kenpachi guy-and I was sure it was- I definitely did NOT want to look up. He sounded pretty menacing and I don't know what I'd do if his features matched the voice. So I was totally fine with just leaving my head on my knees and not looking at anybody.

"You don't need to take her in." Urahara sounded calm. I wanted to scream. How was he remaining calm?

"Why don't I?" The unfamiliar voice was closer to me. That made me shake harder.

"She had no knowledge of what was happening. And I don't think she understands what's going on. She's blameless."

The man just grunted. I slowly started to scoot away until a hand dropped on my shoulder which made me jump but I still refused to look up. I didn't want to know what this man looked like if I didn't have to go to Soul Society. But it sounded like our side was losing and I was probably going to have to go. The only reasonable response I had to that thought was letting out a really weird frightened squeaking sound.

The man snorted at my noise but didn't move his hand. "I don't want to take her in—I just have to follow orders."

"They are some seriously stupid orders!" Ichigo snapped.

"Will you calm the heck down? I'm trying not to kill you and you're not helping." The man snapped.

I shuddered at the threat in his voice. This man was just becoming scarier and scarier by the minute. I finally lifted my head a little, but I didn't look up at the man. He was freaking me out pretty bad. So instead I looked at Ichigo.

He looked like he might punch the guy in the face. "Can't you at least give us a few days or take it back to them or something? We were doing it for her safety. Her pressure is so high that she keeps getting attacked by hollows."

The man sighed. "Fine. Whatever. I'll see what I can do but there are no guarantees that I'll be able to fix any of these." I heard him walk off.

I waited until I heard a zap and looked and didn't see anyone there. But I didn't get to my feet-mostly because I was shaking so bad I was pretty sure that I couldn't stand up. So I just sat there and eventually lowered my gaze and stared at my feet. Just because the man was gone now, it didn't mean that he wouldn't come back. I could easily still end up having to go to Soul Society.

"Urahara what do we do now?" Ichigo asked, sounding really frustrated.

"Just start with training. That's all we can do. Either that or sit around and wait." He sighed.

I was still shaking really hard. I was pretty sure that I still couldn't stand up. My arms felt weak, my legs felt weak, I felt like I was going to throw up. It was fear. Pure fear. And that fear just kept me from moving from the spot I was sitting in.

"Uh-can you get up?" Ichigo asked me.

I looked up at him and shook my head. I didn't trust my voice. I didn't want to get up. To be honest, I'd rather just sit here and not do anything. Ichigo sighed and offered his hand to me. I blinked and stared at it, but I didn't move my arms. I was refusing to stand up. He sighed again but I just went back to staring at my feet.

"Maybe this was a mistake." Urahara said.

"I…think it might have been too."

Great. Now they both see how weak I am.


	9. Chapter 9

I stood up, knowing now that if I continued to sit where I was, they'd still look at me as weak. And with Soul Society getting involved, I couldn't have that. I wasn't sure what to say to either one of them, they were both watching me. I just didn't want them to think I was really that weak. I knew if I wanted to make them see differently, I'd have to cooperate from now on.

"So what now?" I asked my voice flat.

Ichigo looked over at Urahara. "Maybe we should be done for the day."

So he didn't want to do anything else. Because he thought I was weak? Probably. I could feel my anger surging up inside of me but I managed to keep my face blank. I wasn't going to say anything. I could tell that both of them weren't sure if they wanted to do anything or to just put me back in my body or something.

Urahara sighed and rubbed his forehead. "We'll figure this out…"

I assumed he also meant for me to get back in my body. So that's what I did. And then I just sat there. What else was I supposed to do? They didn't want to do anything with me today after I refused to cooperate.

"Are we just going to keep her down here again?" Ichigo asked.

"What else can we do? That's the only way to make sure she doesn't get attacked again." Urahara's voice was hard to hear-he was already most of the way up the ladder. I hadn't noticed him go over to the ladder but that didn't matter.

I looked over in his direction. "What am I supposed to do all day?"

"Figure it out."

I scowled at him and stood up, brushing my pants off. "You can't make me stay down here."

"Just watch me." I heard the trap door slam shut and heard a locking noise. I glared up for several seconds. I didn't say anything to Ichigo. I was too pissed off to even remember that he was standing there.

"If it helps—he just trapped me down here too." He finally said.

"Oh what does it matter?" I said harshly. "It's as good as being alone in the mood I'm in."

He didn't answer. Did I offend him? I didn't really care at this point. I wanted out to get fresh air—to just get out of this place period end. I didn't want to be trapped down here—it didn't matter if Ichigo was with me I was still stuck.

I heard him take a few steps back and then a huff as he sat down. I didn't sit or turn around. I could feel the rage on my face and the tears rolling down my face as well. I had a bad tendency of crying when I got upset like this. No way was Ichigo was going to see that. And I didn't know him all that well—so it'd be awkward. I crossed my arms and continued to stand there. I wasn't sure how long I would stay standing—it didn't matter. I didn't want to be stuck down here so I didn't want to get comfortable.

Ichigo didn't even attempt to start a conversation. Good. I wasn't in the mood. Even if he did, I'd probably end up either screaming or punching him. My violent tendencies weren't something I was proud of.

I didn't really keep track of how long I was standing, but there was an ache in my feet from standing for a long period of time. So I finally just went ahead and sat down. I still didn't turn around. I didn't say anything either, I only perked up when I heard the click of the door unlocking and being thrown open.

"Ichigo!" Urahara shouted. "Come up here!"

I heard him get up with a sigh and walk towards the ladder. He turned back to look at me but didn't say anything he just climbed the ladder. The minute I heard the door close and lock I crawled back onto the sleeping pad, curled up into a ball and cried.

I wanted everything to go back to the way it was in that instant. I didn't want to know what Hollows were, or about Soul Society. I didn't even want to be a Soul Reaper. Especially if they decide it's illegal what Urahara did. I wanted my family back. I wished I never transferred schools because if I hadn't I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now.

But I had to look at the other side as well. If I hadn't done that—I could be dead right now. I wouldn't still be alive. I would've been eaten by one of those—I shuddered—_things. _

I lied there curled up in a ball for hours. I didn't eat dinner when they brought it down. But even when I tried to, I felt like I was going to throw up. And several times Ichigo tried talking to me but I tuned him out so his voice was just like a low buzz in my ears. He gave up and went upstairs and didn't come back down anymore after that.

They would've probably seen me as weaker after all of this—but I was sick. I was sick of being here—but thinking off everything else made it worse. That night, I threw up three or four times. But after a while I fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

The pattern was the same for the next four or five days. I'd wake up, try to eat, and it'd come right back up and I'd lay there crying for hours at a time. I wasn't handling this situation like I should—but I didn't care. Even though I made myself sick—I didn't care. Nothing seemed right at all. But there was one night that was especially strange when I fell asleep.

_ I was back in the mind world I'd first visited when I became a Soul Reaper. I noticed it was raining. Quite hard. Yoso was taking cover under one of the trees. I slowly approached her._

_ "What are you doing?" She snapped at me. "What's your problem? It hasn't stopped raining for days now!"_

_ I stopped walking and looked down. "Sorry."_

_ "Why is it raining so much?" When I looked up, sorrow was on her face. _

_ I heard a clap of thunder and winced. "I'm not…handling things well at all."_

_ "Everything? Like what happened before and then Soul Society getting involved…that stuff?"_

_ I nodded, not trusting my voice. I didn't realize what this would do to this…place if I got so upset. But I had kind of had forgotten about it all together for the past few days. Which made me feel horrible. How could I forget about this and Yoso? I'm horribly selfish that's why._

_ "The Hollow enjoys this you know." She whispered._

_ "I didn't know that." I whispered back and that's when I heard a laugh and I winced._

_ "She likes watching suffering—especially my suffering." Yoso sounded totally miserable._

_ "I didn't know how it…affected you." My voice got even quieter._

_ She finally stood up and put her hands on my shoulders. "Just try to handle it." Then she lowered her voice. "If you keep this up any longer the Hollow will take over. She's starting to get irritated at you."_

_ I clenched my hands into fists. "I won't let her."_

_ I noticed the rain was starting to slow a little. It wasn't stopping completely but there was a noticeable change. Yoso smiled and started to come out from underneath the tree._

_ "You need to start training as soon as possible." She said. "Otherwise—you will lose to her."_

_ I felt a little more confident. "Alright."_

_ She just smiled at me. _

When I woke up in the morning, I was feeling so much better. I slowly sat up. Part of my problem had been a lack of confidence in myself. But I still felt despair. If I kept up acting like this—I could lose myself. I shuddered at the thought.

I heard the door open and I jumped. I kicked the blanket off and turned around. It was Ichigo coming downstairs with food and a change of clothes for me.

"Are you actually going to keep the food down today?" He asked me quietly.

I shrugged. "I hope so. I feel better."

"Good." He sat the clothes and food by me and went back upstairs. I changed quickly and started eating pretty fast. And this time I was actually able to keep the food down. Then I had a thought—were they going to let me shower sometime soon? I'm pretty sure I smelled pretty bad.

But I didn't get a chance to ask until lunch when Ichigo came downstairs. When I did ask—and my face turned red when I asked—he just laughed and took me upstairs.

When I got in the shower—I let out a long sigh of relief.

By the time I finished and got out—I noticed there was someone else here I didn't recognize. He was tall and had somewhat dark skin and his hair ran into his eyes. I stood there and stared for a minute before I went back downstairs. However by the time I reached the bottom, I hadn't heard the door close. Which was strange because usually it was closed. I looked up and saw Ichigo coming down so I moved out of the way of the ladder.

I sat back down on my sleeping pad and started brushing my hair, growling because of how painful it was. I noticed that one guy I didn't know had also come downstairs and I froze.

After a minute I just slowly turned so I wouldn't get nervous and kept brushing my hair. I heard them talking but I tuned them out so it was that buzzing noise again. I didn't need to know what they were talking about. But they went silent after a minute and I can feel their eyes on me and I realized he must've said something that requires me to come into the conversation. Whoops.

I set the brush down on my pillow so slowly that you would've thought my pillow was gonna explode. And I turn around but I don't stand up. Meeting new people made me really nervous. I never did well with making friends.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow at me and I realized he asked me a question but I'd tuned him out.

"What?" I asked confusedly.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "You tuned out again didn't you?"

I sighed. "Sorry—I do that."

Ichigo shook his head at me. "Anyways—this is my friend Chad." He gestured to the guy standing next to him. I waved nervously. He waved back.

"Urahara will be down in a minute to start training. I'll be out for a while." He said.

I shrugged. "Alright."

He went back up the ladder, followed by Chad. I just continued to sit there. I was a little nervous to start the training. Mostly because I didn't know what the heck would happen when we do. I heard the door shut and then almost immediately open again. I groaned internally. I didn't want to do this. But I had to.

The minute I saw Urahara coming down the ladder, I got to my feet. I felt my legs shaking out of nervousness. I moved over to a rock and leaned on it for support as at the moment my legs felt like they were going to give out on me.

He approached me. "You ready?"

"About as ready as I'll ever be." I laughed nervously.

He made a gesture for me to stand up so I did. And then he hit me in the forehead with his cane.


	11. Chapter 11

I fell backwards out of my body and onto my rock. I really hated that sensation. It was creepy and weird and getting hit in the head with a cane was never pleasant in the first place. I pushed myself off of the rock and stared at him with a scowl.

"Isn't there a less painful way to do that?" I asked.

He laughed and tapped the cane against his shoulder. "Not that I have access to."

I placed a hand on Yoso nervously. I wasn't sure if I was going to draw her or just sit there with my hand on her hilt. I let my fingers tighten around the hilt. I could swear I wasn't in command of the action when I drew her after a few minutes of just standing there. I blinked and then I realized Urahara wasn't standing in front of me anymore.

Something slammed into me from behind which knocked me forward onto my face. Luckily I'd thrown my hands out to catch myself—but I dropped Yoso in the process. I scowled and grabbed her and got to my feet.

"You really have to be more attentive." He said, holding a blade.

I didn't say anything but I did charge, however, he was gone by the time I reached where he had been standing.

"You're slow." He said and I charged again, but he was gone again.

I spun around trying to find him when he suddenly slammed the hilt on his blade into my shoulder, knocking me onto my back. Yoso was thrown out of my hand and skidded a few feet away. I scowled but couldn't get up because Urahara kept me down.

"You need to move faster." He stated.

"I was trying to! That's as fast as I can go." I spat.

He shook his head and backed off so I could get to my feet. I then strode over to where Yoso was resting and I picked her up, dusting the hilt off. He was gone again. I looked around and then something slammed into me from behind again but I managed to stay on my feet but I skidded. I barely kept my balance when I spun around. He charged again and I realized I could follow his movements better. He was coming in for an attack from the back again but I spun around and swung my blade up to block him.

When he slammed his into mine, I felt myself slide back. I grunted as I tried to hold him there, but I was still sliding.

"Pathetic." He shot at me.

I scowled. "Screw you." And then started pushing back.

At first nothing was happening. I gritted my teeth and started shoving harder, which allowed me to start moving forward. I was able to push him back a little but then he suddenly shoved at an upward angle which forced me to swing my blade up and away, and I slid backwards again.

"That was better—but not much." He smirked at me.

I scowled and charged and swung, but he blocked me easily and didn't move even when I pushed and he easily shoved me back again. I charged forward again but he was gone again and I had to spin around quickly to block him. But the minute his blade slammed into mine, my feet went out from under me and I landed on my back, ending up having to lock my muscles to prevent him from getting the flat of my blade pressed to my neck.

I didn't know how long I had to lie there and prevent him from getting my neck, but after a while he backed off and I got to my feet, my arms shaking. I glared at him and charged but he stepped out of the way, tripping me in the process. I went flying into the ground. I got back to my feet, panting and I ran at him again, slamming my blade into his but I still couldn't make him move. But when I saw him start to move again, I moved so I could get in the way and somehow I ended up in front of him.

He smirked. "There you go."

I rolled my eyes and just kept attacking until I got knocked onto my back again, breathing hard and sweating like crazy. I ended up sitting up but couldn't get back on my feet. I sat Yoso on the ground next to me and rested my head on my knees.

"You did better than I thought you would." He said.

I grunted in response. I was breathing too hard to answer.

"I'll give you until Ichigo gets back to let you rest." He said.

I managed to get up, sheathe Yoso and walked over to my bedroll and faceplanted on it.

I passed out.


	12. Chapter 12

I didn't know how long I passed out for but when I woke up, Urahara was right in my face. I jumped and my hand flashed out to punch him in the face. He easily moved out of the way. I slowly sat up, glaring at him. He rolled his eyes at me.

"You ready?" He asked.

I stood up. "I guess so."

He snorted at my answer. "You guess?"

I just glared at him and didn't say anything else. Was he naturally this irritating? I noticed he wasn't moving or anything so I started to sit back down when he shook his head at me. I scowled.

"Why can't I sit back down?" I asked.

He just nodded his head towards the ladder and I turned around. Ichigo was coming down. I huffed. That explained why I couldn't sit down. I was a little tensed up. I didn't want to train with Ichigo. If the old guy was hard, how much harder would Ichigo be? I internally cringed at the thought that he could probably beat the crap out of me whereas I would hardly scratch him.

He was already in his Soul Reaper form. I just watched him warily. Especially his giant blade. How come his was so big? And it wasn't even the same shape as mine was. Mine's just a tiny thing that looks like it'd break if his was to hit it hard enough. And just by looking at the thing, it wouldn't take much to break mine.

I think he saw me staring at his blade and smirked. "Scared?" He drew the blade out.

I snorted. "Course not."

He rolled his eyes. "Are you ready to start?"

I sighed. "As ready as I'll ever be."

He charged me and I dodged, the blade actually really did scare me. But in that moment, I forgot to draw Yoso. I growled and pulled her out right as he charged again and I blocked his blade but I got shoved backwards and I eventually lost my footing and landed hard on my stomach. I huffed and got right back up and charged him this time. He swung hard and I ended up flying backwards, barely keeping a hold of Yoso and I slammed into a rock, which hurt.

I managed to get off the rock and made another weak charge. I just got knocked backwards again. This happened seven or eight times before I finally had to stop, breathing hard, my legs shaking and my back was hurting like crazy.

Ichigo was watching me. "You done?"

I looked up at him. "No. I just need a minute to breathe-since apparently you're trying to break my spine."

He snorted. "It's not my fault you haven't released your Zanpakuto."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

He nodded his head at my blade. "You're blade is still in its sealed form. The first form of release is Shikai. The second is Bankai. But we'll get around to that later. Now you know her name yet?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"So say it."

"Yoso." I was giving him a weird look.

Suddenly the blade started to change shape and get heavier. I stared at her, totally confused about what was happening. Then I realized that the blade wasn't the same. She'd become three pronged and the blade edges seemed to be sharper and the blades themselves were a little larger than they were at first. And the hilt had become silver and larger, with a snake coiling around it. the hand guard was bigger too.

I was just staring at her, awestruck. Ichigo was chuckling at the expression on my face. After a minute I finally looked up.

"Now attack me." He got into a defensive position.

I charged him, swinging Yoso up and then down hard. I barely made Ichigo move, but it was better than having him block and throw me backwards several times. I was definitely getting pushed back again but not thrown. But that's all I could do for the time being was prevent myself from getting thrown onto my back again.

But then he suddenly moved and attacked from the side and I had to jump out of the way to avoid being stabbed.

I scowled at him and I realized he was gone and right behind me and I jumped out of the way again.

I forgot I had figured out how to move faster but I couldn't remember how I did it. I growled in frustration and then shouted out when Ichigo slammed the flat side of the blade into my shoulder. I ignored the pain in my shoulder when I moved to hit Ichigo but he sent a kick to my stomach and that's when I heard a creepy voice screaming in my head.

_YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KILLED YA MORON!_

I shook my head but my vision was going in and out and Ichigo had stopped attacking and was just staring.

"IT'S JUST TRAINING!" I screamed out loud at the voice. "I'M NOT GOING TO DIE!"

My vision was still going in and out. And something was starting to form over my face. I dropped Yoso and grabbed whatever was trying to cover my face in an attempt to tear it off. I could hear it cracking and I managed to tear it off. Pieces fell to the ground. They were jet black I noticed. I noticed Yoso went back into her sealed form.

"I think we might want to be done for today." Ichigo looked nervous.

I noticed Urahara was talking on something. His face was completely blank and I was pretty sure he didn't hear Ichigo and I turned back to Ichigo. He was tense.

"He must be talking to Soul Society." He said in a tense voice.

I swallowed and picked Yoso up and sheathed her. I didn't look back at Urahara. I was actually really afraid of what might be the result of their decision.

That's when I heard Urahara. "Well they came to a decision."


	13. Chapter 13

I felt my entire body tense up. "And?"

"They aren't going to take you in. But they are going to be watching-closely." He sounded pretty upset still, despite the worst wasn't happening.

"Isn't that better than what was originally going to happen?" I asked.

Ichigo scowled. "They're going to send Renji aren't they?"

Urahara sighed. "Yeah. Which means we have to get the hollow situation under control and keep it like that while he's here."

I scowled. "So what was that stuff was forming on my face? Was my hollow doing that?"

"Yes. A hollow mask was starting to form." Ichigo was frowning. "It shouldn't be bugging out this early."

"So my theory must've been correct. The hollow must've already been there for a while. It just had gone dormant since you'd never left your body."

I scowled. "What will happen if I don't get her to stop?"

"You'll probably be taken in." Ichigo sounded irritated. "And I don't know what they'd do from there."

I was about ready to react when I heard a really weird noise. It was like a loud crack like a whip and a bright light filled the room from behind and someone stepped out of the light and then there was another crack and the light was gone. My eyes had bugged out from the light so I couldn't really see what the person looked like and I had to rub my eyes.

"Hey look it's the pineapple head." Ichigo said.

"Shut up." The person said.

Once I stopped rubbing my eyes I could actually look at him. I could see why Ichigo called him a pineapple head because of the way his hair is pulled back. But it's a bright red. And he had these weird black tattoos on his face too. I noticed he looked right at me and I turned away.

"So this is the one I'm supposed to be observing." He said flatly.

"Yes." Ichigo said in the same tone.

"She doesn't seem like much."

I whipped my head back up and glared at him. "You wanna say that again."

Ichigo looked at me. "Saru don't."

The guy smirked. Ichigo glared at him. "Renji don't do that."

I just turned away, exhaling angrily. If I started a fight with him that wouldn't help my case and I'd probably get beat to a bloody pulp. I stared at the ground.

I heard them talking but I tuned them out again. If it was in regards to me, I honestly could care less if I knew anything or not. It's not like I didn't care at all-I just didn't want to hear any of it at the moment. I took a step back.

I was suddenly back in my body. Which was a weird sensation. But it appeared that none of them had actually noticed. I sat up and Ichigo had looked back.

"Are you done for the day?" He asked.

"Yes and I would really like to get out and see the sun. I've been down here for days now." I said.

Urahara sighed. "I might have something that'll help keep hollows away from you for a while. "

He headed for the ladder and went upstairs. I noticed Ichigo was glaring at Renji.

"You're going to have to follow right?"

"Yes." And Renji scowled. "Trust me I'm not happy about this either." He paused for a minute. "Probably even less happy than either one of you are."

"Wrong." I snapped, getting to my feet, looking totally irritated. Renji looked at me and just raised an eyebrow, not saying anything. I just stood there, my hands clenched hard into fists, feeling like I wanted to punch him. But I wasn't going to do something I knew would get me into a butt load of trouble.

I finally just backed up and started back towards the ladder but I heard footsteps behind me, which seriously irritated me. I wanted to turn around and tell him to go away but I knew that I couldn't. I was stuck with a stalker for I didn't know how long. But I guess it was brought onto me. And I'd have to learn to deal with it.

I heard them talking behind me, but I just ignored as I went up the ladder and slammed my fist onto the trap door. It slowly opened and I climbed out.

"So do you have something that'll help me?" I asked Urahara.

In response he held out a watch.


	14. Chapter 14

I raised my eyebrow. "A watch? Really? What good is that gonna do?" I'm not entirely sure if I wanted to go out anymore. Especially if it didn't do anything.

He sighed in irritation. "It'll disguise your spirit pressure so you won't get attacked by Hollows."

"Have you used it before?"

He glared at me but didn't say a word. He just kept his hand out until I finally took the watch. It was a simple watch it looked like. It had an electronic screen for the time and I noticed it had a meter underneath the time. And the strap itself of the watch was a dark green. It looked really weird. But I clipped it onto my wrist anyways. It actually stung my wrist and I was about ready to rip it off but somebody grabbed my hand, stopping me.

I looked up. Urahara just looked plain annoyed now. I jerked away from him, yanking my hand free. I didn't want him touching me. I then leaned on the wall.

"So what were you going to do? Visit friends?" He asked.

"I don't have any friends." I snapped, completely out of patience.

He snorted and rolled his eyes and I took a step forward, my hands balled up into fists. I felt someone grab my shoulder and pull me off to the side. I scowled. I turned and glared at Ichigo.

"You can't just take your anger out on him like that." He growled at me.

I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and stomped outside, sitting on the ground in the dirt, not really caring if I got dirty or not. I wrapped my arms around my knees and just sat like that, my eyes tearing up.

I heard footsteps that stopped a few feet behind me. I didn't care who it was—I didn't want them to bother me.

"Go away." I growled.

I didn't hear the sound of footsteps moving away. I sighed and turned around, putting my hands down in the dirt to prevent myself from falling over. It was Ichigo. He was just standing there with his hands in his pockets. And he was leaning back on the wall.

"Go. Away." I repeated through my teeth.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I huffed and turned back around, now just supporting my weight with my arms, leaning back on them. I wasn't about ready to start talking. Mostly because I was on the verge of crying. Urahara struck a nerve about the friend thing whether he meant to or not. I sat there, staring into space.

I heard a sigh and Ichigo sat next to me, leaving about a foot of space between me and him. I refused to look at him though.

"Are you going to say what's wrong?"

"Why should I tell you?" I snapped.

He fell silent. I pushed off the ground and walked further away from him, sitting back down again, drawing circles in the dirt with a stick I found. I heard him sigh and I looked up as he was getting to his feet and he was looking at me.

"Do not come over here." I was glaring at him.

He shrugged and came a little bit closer but left a lot of space. I sighed and turned my back to him. I wasn't in the mood for this. I liked sitting in silence with a light breeze. It was helping me calm down, helping me think clearly.

I heard him sigh. "Is it something Urahara said?"

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, my voice thick with it. "If you must know then yes, it is something he said."

"Is it the thing about friends?"

I felt my anger surging back to the surface. I managed to repress it, but my hands still curled back into fists. "Yes."

He didn't say anything. I let out a quiet sigh of relief. I heard him get up and move away and I barely turned my head to see him go back inside. Good. I laid down, my arms behind my head, my ankles crossed and I stared up at the clouds. I felt tears streaking down my face and my heart felt like it was aching. I missed my life before all this craziness.

I heard multiple footsteps coming from the shop. I immediately sat up, uncrossing my ankles, pulling my legs back towards me. I didn't turn my head but I didn't have to. I already knew he'd brought the others out.

"Can't you just leave me alone?!" I snarled at them.

"No." Renji answered.

I just started grumbling under my breath. If they weren't supposed to leave me alone, what else was I supposed to do to calm down? There wasn't anything I could do. I was stuck here and they knew it as well as I did. I didn't turn around still. I wasn't going to talk to them if I didn't have to. If I didn't _need _to.

I could hear them whispering. So I got even more annoyed.

"If that's all you came out here to do, you might as well go back inside." I sounded angrier and less annoyed. That wasn't what I was shooting for, but I couldn't help it.

"If all you're planning to do is sit there, I'd like my watch back." Urahara shot back.

I felt my arms start to shake. He just liked to piss people off.

"I'm not coming back inside but you can have your stupid watch back if you like." I started fumbling with getting the stupid thing off but my fingers were shaking so much I couldn't manage it and I gave up.

I finally just got up and kicked the dirt, pissed off now, and just started stomping in a random direction, grumbling to myself. I heard somebody say something about coming after me but I made their voices blend together so I couldn't tell who was saying what.

I did hear footsteps coming behind me and I didn't stop walking. I was getting more upset and I didn't want anyone to see that.

"Hey." It was Ichigo. "Hey, wait."

I finally just stopped walking but I wasn't willing to look at him. I did notice he moved around in front of me.

"Can you look at me please?"

I shook my head.

He sighed in frustration.

I was going to be stubborn because I didn't want help. I didn't really care if I got attacked right now or not. I was missing my family like nothing else.


	15. Chapter 15

I still wasn't looking up. I didn't want him to see how upset I really was. I didn't want him to see how that comment about friends actually cut me deeper than it should have.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?"

I finally jerked my head up. "What's the point? It's not like you can change anything! It's not like you can fix any of it! So what's the point?!" I was yelling by the end.

He flinched at the anger and pain in my voice. I turned away from him and stomped back towards the shop, ignoring him behind me.

I spent the next several days isolating myself from everyone. I hardly ate and I didn't talk to anybody. I already knew that this was a bit of an extreme reaction but I was feeling like crap about having no family or friends. And even when someone tried to talk to me, I just tuned them out and stared at the ground until they finally left me alone. It was mostly Ichigo that tried talking to me, but I didn't want to talk to him _at all_.

But after about six days or something like that, he finally wouldn't leave me alone.

" I just want time to myself." I snapped at him.

He snorted. "You've been by yourself for like six days. And why are you still wearing that watch?"

I shrugged. "I haven't been able to get it off. And don't change the subject. I just need a lot of time alone."

"Well you've had plenty of time for that."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

He glared at me. "Will you stop being so rude?"

I glared back. "Sorry, I'm anti-social."

He started to say something back but then his face went blank and he seemed to change his mind. I looked away from him, hoping he'd go away after that but I didn't hear any movement. Which made me want to punch him.

I turned back around. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing—but you aren't obviously holding up very well."

I scowled at him. I wasn't sure why he felt like he had to check on me—I didn't need anybody to ask me if I was okay or anything. I didn't want that anyways. It made me feel like I was depending on someone, like I was weak and needy. Which I believed I wasn't. But in reality, was I?

"Seriously—I don't know what you're so upset about, but I was just wondering what it was."

I let out a long irritated sigh. "Fine. It sucks that my family is dead. It sucks that I have no friends. But there's no point talking about it because you can't fix that or make a difference." I turned away again, irritated.

He sighed. "Look, if it makes you feel any better I know that feeling pretty well."

I didn't respond. How would that make me feel any better? He actually has friends—he probably still has most of his family if not all of it. So why was he saying that?

I finally just turned back around—and I was startled at the expression on his face. He had his head turned away, but I could still see the side, and from what I could tell he was actually pretty upset. Which made me frown. What was there for him to be upset about?

I took a step forward. "Ichigo…?"

He just held his hand out, in a stop gesture. I just stood there, feeling kinda awkward and self-centered at the same time. I was lashing out at him because of my problems and not accepting help, when he was clearly dealing with his own problems and I just totally ignored that. That made me feel like a horrible human being.

I took a few steps back and then turned and just started walking. I didn't know how big this training room was, but I was just going to walk until I found the end or I found a suitable spot where nobody could find me.

"Saru where are you going?" Ichigo asked.

I hadn't realized that he'd finally looked up right as I was walking away. I didn't say anything to him, I just kept walking; the only sound is the dirt crunching under my feet as I walk.

I heard him start to walk behind me. So I sped up. I didn't want him to follow me. But as I walked I heard him speed up too. Finally I just whirled around.

"Why are you following me?" I snapped at him, my arm up and pulled back, my hand curled into a fist, I was ready to punch him.

He held up both of his hands, palms out. "I just wanted to talk."

I dropped my arm and turned back around. "I don't want to though."

I kept walking; the only sound yet again the dirt crunching under my feet. And I was grateful when I didn't hear him following me. But I didn't hear him walking the other way either. What did it matter anyways? It didn't as long as he didn't continue to follow me.

"You know—you can't keep doing this." He said.

I stopped walking, skidding my feet in the dirt so I kicked up dust. My hands balled up into fists again.

"Why does it matter? I think I have the right—I'm screwed anyways." I snarled.

I slowly turned to face him, confusion was plain on his face. "What do you mean?"

"The Hollow—she'll take control. And there's not much we can do about that can we? So I think I have the right to spend whatever time I have left alone." I started to turn but I watched him walk towards me.

"What are you even talking about? You're not screwed."

I faced him fully, taking a few backward steps. "Yes I am. I've been thinking—maybe that's better. I'm not any good."

Suddenly rage was on his face and for a split second I thought he was going to slap me. "Don't say that. Never say that. You're better than that _thing_ that lives inside you. You're better than that."

"How do you know? You've only known me for what? Two weeks or something like that?"

He closed his eyes, and was taking deep breaths. "It doesn't matter. You're better than that thing."

His voice was flat and even. I could tell just by looking at him he was going to punch something. I started to back away some more but then his eyes flew open and he took a few steps towards me until he was right in front of me.

"Can you just back o.." I couldn't finish.

The reason I couldn't finish is because he kissed me.


	16. Chapter 16

It took me a minute to realize what was happening. When I did, I jerked backwards, not entirely sure if I was shocked or pissed.

I stared at him for a full two minutes before I was able to speak. "What the heck did you do that for?!"

He shrugged. "You wouldn't shut up about the Hollow."

I spluttered incoherently not entirely sure what to say. Nobody had ever kissed me before. And then someone I have not even known for a month just flat out kisses me. I just felt stunned, not even sure what to say to him at the moment.

He smirked at the expression on my face. "You ok?"

I didn't say anything to him. How was I supposed to respond to that? A yes could mean I liked it when in reality I still wasn't sure how I felt about it. A no could actually offend him. So instead I just stared at him, I knew there was shock on my face. That probably explains why he's starting to laugh.

I still chose not to say anything. What is there to say to him about that? It was sudden—I didn't even think that he'd do that just to get me to _shut up_. No sane person would do that…would they? I'm suddenly not too sure if Ichigo has lost his mind or not.

I stared at him quizzically for at least five minutes before he stopped laughing.

"Did you seriously do that just to get me to shut up?!" Was the first thing I actually managed to say.

He shrugged. "Part of it."

I became even more confused at that. "What do you mean by that?"

Suddenly his face turned red and he turned his back to me. "Nothing."

I frowned but didn't push it. I didn't really want to know what the other part of his reasoning is. For all I know, he's just flat out insane. Well whatever, he didn't have to tell me if he didn't want to. I really didn't care.

He started to walk away and I just trailed behind, not really caring if he noticed me or not. I didn't want to be alone anymore. My thoughts tended to take weird directions when weird things occur. Like being kissed. I shuddered. I didn't want my thoughts to take a weird direction.

He suddenly stopped walking after like a minute. I didn't know why he suddenly stopped but he half turned to me, his face completely blank.

"Um, are you ok?" I asked, feeling really weird just asking.

He didn't say anything right off. Which made me wonder. So I slowly started to walk by him when he suddenly grabbed my arm, gripping it tightly.

"Wait a sec." He whispered.

I stared at him like he was a crazy person. If he was going to say something he'd better say it quick. I was starting to get a little freaked out.

Before he did say anything, I heard voices and the door opened and someone was coming down the ladder. It was Renji. But Ichigo didn't seem to notice him. I tried to jerk away but he had a tight grip on my arm.

"Ichigo…" I started to say.

He suddenly released my arm and stood ramrod straight and I edged away from him. Whatever was going on in his head, it was making him act really weird. Renji must've noticed because he was frowning.

Renji looked at me. "What did you do to him?"

I held my hands up in surrender like gesture. "I didn't do anything—he did this to himself."

"What do you mean?"

I didn't say anything I just dropped my hands and looked at Ichigo. He wasn't looking at me or Renji—he was just staring into space. I poked his arm and then pinched it. He didn't react. Then I smirked and grabbed his hand and bit it. He jumped and I let go of his hand.

He glared at me. "What was that for?"

"I was just seeing if you were going to react." I was trying so hard not to laugh.

He scowled at me then noticed Renji and jumped. I snorted and started laughing. I was pretty surprised that he didn't even know that Renji was standing there.

"You ok?" Renji was looking at him like he was crazy.

Ichigo's face turned red and he rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah I'm fine."

I'm totally busting up laughing, it was becoming uncontrollable. I barely noticed that Renji and Ichigo turned and looked at me like I was the one who'd completely lost my sanity. Maybe I had. Something in my head must've gotten jumbled—probably when he kissed me.

I immediately stopped laughing at that. My nerves were in a twist yes but I didn't need to be acting so—oddly. This wasn't like me at all.

Renji finally turned back to Ichigo. "So I need to send a report back to Soul Society. Any training problems?"

Ichigo frowned. "Well we haven't trained in almost a week so a no at that. And no behavioral problems either if that's what you're next question was."

Renji sighed. "Alright." He turned and walked away, silently.

Ichigo waited until he was gone to turn back to me. "Did you lose your mind or something?"

"I didn't—you did. You're the one that kissed me." I shot back.

His face turned red again. "Sorry about that."

I didn't answer. I could tell he was embarrassed enough and I didn't want to know why he did it in the first place. Besides, if he wanted to tell me the full reason—he would've done it in the first place. I waited for him to say something but he just kept his eyes on the ground, his face slowly going back to its normal color.

"Um—I gotta…" He didn't finish and he turned around and started speed walking back towards the ladder.

I really didn't see him much after that.


	17. Chapter 17

I restarted training the day after all the weirdness happened. But I never saw Ichigo and every time I asked Urahara where he was he'd say he was out and wouldn't give me an explanation. So for a few days I trained with Urahara and didn't see Ichigo. Then, on a Tuesday I think it was, he started coming back to help train.

"Where have you been?" I asked him when I was taking a break.

"Just—needed to think." He said but didn't elaborate.

In fact he hardly spoke to me after that. Every time I tried to talk to him, he'd walk off to talk to Renji or Urahara or go upstairs and not come back down for hours at a time. It made me wonder—did I offend him somehow? I never said I didn't like the kiss—I'd never admit out loud but I actually did like it—so I couldn't comprehend why he was avoiding me so much. But maybe it's because he felt awkward about it and didn't really want to be around me while he was feeling like that. I didn't know what to think about the way he was acting.

After we were done training for the day, I followed Ichigo upstairs and just waited for him to notice me.

He did but he didn't say a word to me. In fact, he was picking up his bag and getting ready to leave.

"Why've you been avoiding me?" I finally asked.

He slung his bag over his shoulder, glanced at me and walked outside. I scowled and followed him out, grabbing his arm.

"I asked you a question." I snapped at him.

He looked at me. "You want to know why I've been avoiding you."

"I kinda deserve to know considering I didn't do anything to hurt your feelings." I was still scowling.

"I just needed space." He was unusually quiet.

"Enough so that you won't even talk to me—you'll barely even help me train? What did I do to you? Can I at least know if I actually did do something?" I was getting pissed.

He pulled my hand off of his arm. "Tomorrow."

I glared at him but didn't say anything as he walked away. I stomped back inside, went into the training room, found my sleeping pad, laid face first on the pillow and just let out a loud angry scream. I heard the trap door open and someone came barreling down the ladder. I just continued to lay there on the pillow, hiding my face.

"Saru are you okay?" It was Urahara.

"Perfectly fine." I answered, with a thick sarcastic tone.

He sighed. "Can you sit up?"

I grunted. "I don't wanna."

He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up unwillingly. I groaned and looked at him, not even bothering to hide the anguish on my face. It didn't matter—he might as well know. Heck, he might even know what the heck Ichigo's deal is with me.

He looked confused. "You ok?"

"Ichigo won't tell me what I did wrong. He's been avoiding me and he won't tell me why." I said with a frustrated groan at the end.

Urahara snorted. "It's obvious isn't it?"

I looked at him in totally confusion. "What are you talking about?"

He rolled his eyes and mumbled something before speaking directly told me. "He told me he kissed you." I turned beet red at that. "And he also told me how you reacted. And you don't understand why he's avoiding you?"

"He told me it was mostly just to get me to shut up."

"That's just an excuse!" Urahara sighed and stood up, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm not going to try to make you understand—I'll just see if you can do that yourself." He went up the ladder and I heard the trap door snap shut and the room went pitch black. I sighed and lied down and just decided to think. I didn't know what he meant. So if the reason he's avoiding me is because he kissed me—then why'd he do it in the first place?

I was out of ideas. I couldn't figure out why he would've done it—but it didn't really matter. Maybe I'd find out tomorrow or maybe he'd just tell me he was upset with something and stop avoiding me. But it probably wasn't going to be that easy. It was going to be nowhere near easy.

After that I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I noticed Ichigo was standing there. He had his bag and was in his uniform for school.

"Ah crap." I'd totally forgotten about the existence of school.

"Yes you are going to school today." He said, flatly. "So hurry up and get ready so we're not late."

He went back up the ladder.

I sighed and got ready quickly and when I got upstairs, all I had time to eat was a cereal bar and then I was rushed out the door. Ichigo was already walking and I had to run to catch up to him. When I did reach him, he tensed up and just kept his eyes straight forward.

"Are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding me?" I asked him.

"What's the point?" His voice is suddenly sharp and irritated. "It's not going to change anything."

It was like a slap to the face. It was almost the same thing I told him when he asked me to tell him what's going on. I stopped walking and just stared at him, trying not to show the hurt on my face. He stopped walking and turned, looking absolutely annoyed.

"Are you coming?"

When he didn't answer he came up to me, grabbed my arm and started dragging me. I didn't resist being dragged. I didn't understand what he was doing but at some point I got tired of it and I dug my heels into the sidewalk, making him stop.

"Yesterday you said you'd tell me." I jerked my arm out of his grip and folded my arms over my chest. "I'm not going to school until you tell me."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "I don't want to have to carry you there."

"Tell me."

He suddenly just was giving me an icy glare which made me shudder. "Later."

I started walking faster than he was, feeling agitated and hurt.

And I was fighting tears all the way to school.


	18. Chapter 18

By the time I got to the school, I was nearly a mess. I was trying to stay where Ichigo couldn't see me. But that didn't end up working out so well. And he seemed to look even more frustrated when he saw that. And I noticed nobody was at the school yet. Apparently we were really really early. I went and sat by myself. When I looked up to see if Ichigo was still watching my face, I jumped when he was standing right in front of me. I turned my face away.

"Did you really want to know?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Why does it matter? Whatever I did to upset you I'm sorry." I sniffed and rubbed my eyes, feeling pretty stupid since I was still crying.

He suddenly laughed. "It's nothing you did. I was just—I don't know I was being stupid." He sighed. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you I was just trying to sort m—stuff out."

I sniffed. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

I looked at him right them. He looked frustrated. "I just felt like I couldn't."

I sighed. "Right—because I was feeling horrible the entire time."

His expression changed and now he just looked worried. About what? Considering he was looking at me…no why would he be worried about me?

I turned my head away again. I felt his hand on my face, turning my head to make me look at him. I didn't want to look at him.

"I'm sorry." He said, looking more upset.

Suddenly he took a deep breath. "I know we haven't known each other that long—and we didn't exactly meet under good conditions—but I can't help…feeling…." I could tell he was struggling to form words.

"Let me just feel in the blanks then." This time it was me who kissed him.

And right in that moment I knew, I knew how I'd felt about him. I'd repressed it since I met him. I think I'd done it because we haven't known each other that long and I didn't want to ruin anything. But it wouldn't have mattered.

He kissed me back for a minute before pulling away. I couldn't tell what he was feeling because his face was completely blank. That made me feel bad. Maybe that wasn't what he meant? I wasn't sure but I noticed his hands were still on my face and I slowly stood up, not entirely sure if I was in command of the motion or not.

Then suddenly my emotions overwhelmed me and I burst into tears. He pulled me into his arms and I just cried until I felt like I had no tears left in my system. But I didn't move out of his arms.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"What are you apologizing for?" He moved me back so he could see my face.

"For being so mean and angry with everybody. I've just been like that a lot since…" I didn't finish because my face had faltered and I nearly started crying again.

He didn't say anything and just pulled me close once again. I'd never felt this secure in my life since I lost my family. So it was a little weird for me but I liked it. I actually felt safe. Nothing else could make me feel safe. Even being down in the training room where I wouldn't be attacked, I didn't feel safe. Even when I got the stupid watch for disguising my spiritual pressure, I still didn't feel safe. Just being where I was now, I felt safer than I ever have in the past couple weeks.

I heard the bell ring and I pulled out of Ichigo's arms, as much as I didn't want to. I started for class, my hands in my pockets. I knew he was right beside me, so I was feeling safe, but it felt better when I was in his arms.

When I sat down in my desk, I was feeling a little weird. I guess it was okay that he was across the room from me. I needed time to think exactly what was going on through. I had come to this school just to get through it and then move elsewhere for college. But that plan was already kind of dead since the Soul Reaper thing kind of prevents me from leaving. But I'd never come to find a relationship. This was probably the last thing I could've possibly expected to come my way. And with it suddenly hitting so soon, I hadn't thought it through. I didn't really know if this was a good idea, especially since I didn't know Ichigo all that well. But at this point, I didn't think it mattered. It probably wouldn't affect me too much, unless he's hiding something that could really just make me…I don't know….feel strange later on. Or make me mad.

I was beyond noticing that we were getting out for lunch until someone nudged my arm. I jumped violently and stood up, hitting my knee on the desk and I nearly fell over. As it was I did drop most of my stuff. I sighed and picked it up before looking to see who it was.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow at me. "Were you daydreaming or something during the class? It looked like you were out of it for math and English."

"Well I wasn't paying attention at all." I made sure I had all of my stuff in my bag.

He just smiled. "Ready for lunch?"

"Wait are we eating…?" I didn't want to say it.

"Yeah." He looked confused by my face. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Not good around people I don't really know." My stomach was twisting unhappily.

He took my hand. "I'm sure you'll be fine." He lead me out of the room.

He took me to where he and his friends eat lunch and luckily for me, we were the first ones there. So I got into my lunch and started eating right off.

That's when I saw someone and I swallowed, suddenly nervous.

I definitely wasn't going to do well.


	19. Chapter 19

I kept my eyes on my lunch as I ate, I heard a few more people show up for lunch. I didn't want to look up, I was nervous. I heard them all talking but I tuned them out, so it was like a buzzing in my ears. And when I finished eating, I looked up and realized there were only two other people left and I looked down again. It was Chad and Orihime but I felt extremely awkward around them still.

"Saru, can you look at me please?" It was Ichigo.

I looked up at him. "What?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I looked down again, staring at my hands in my lap. Ichigo put his hand under my chin and pulled my head up to look at him. I kept my eyes averted though. I was still feeling really awkward. He just sighed and released my face.

"Is she ok?" I heard Orihime ask.

"She just doesn't do well around people she doesn't know." Ichigo said with another sigh.

There wasn't another answer after that and I made a move to get up but Ichigo grabbed my arm and tugged which made me sit back down again. I let out a puff of air but didn't say anything and I went back to staring at the ground.

"Can you look up please?" Ichigo sounded a little annoyed.

I looked up but only looked at him. He sighed and just stood up. "Let's just get to class."

I stood up and followed him, staying behind him instead of next to him. He was probably annoyed with how anti-social I was for the entire lunch period. I just wasn't much for making friends. I'd never been good at talking to people. It was actually extremely difficult for me, despite how much I've tried to change that. I never succeeded.

I sat down in my desk immediately even though class didn't start for at least ten minutes and I put my head on my arms on the desk. I wasn't sure where Ichigo was but for the moment I just didn't care. I was feeling bad that I probably made the lunch period really awkward. I knew I was going to have to change that at some point.

I heard footsteps and then felt a hand on my back. I didn't flinch because I knew it was Ichigo. Anybody else and I would probably punch them in the face for touching me. An overreaction I know but I wasn't comfortable with most people touching me.

"You okay?" I heard him ask.

I lifted my head so I could look at him. "Sorry." I laid my head back down.

"For what?"

I didn't say anything else. I just didn't feel like talking anymore. I felt his hand slide off my back and he was walking away. That only made me feel worse. I must've sat like that for a while because then I heard the bell ring and I finally lifted my head. I took a glance over at Ichigo and noticed he was talking to Orihime and Chad and I looked back away, pulling my notebook out. I flipped it open, doodling.

Once class actually did start, I took careful notes, trying to focus. And it worked because it kept my mind off of how horrible I was feeling. By the time the bell rang for us to get out of school for the day, I carefully packed my stuff back into my bag. I looked up once I was done and my heart dropped into my stomach. Ichigo had already left the room. I let out an irritated sigh. I'd made him feel bad so now he was giving me space. Space that I honestly didn't want.

I walked out of the room and noticed he was already pretty far ahead walking with his friends. So I just trailed behind, leaving a lot of space because I didn't want to bother him. I noticed that he looked back a couple of times but I didn't bother waving or trying to catch up. I stopped walking when I noticed that he stopped walking, as did his friends. He was saying something to them and then he started towards me. I just stood there and watched him. Once he reached me I let my eyes drift off to the side.

"You feeling alright?" His voice was soft.

"Yeah I'm fine." I didn't realize that I sounded agitated.

"Sorry I walked out—I got a little distracted." He was still speaking softly.

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I wouldn't have been any fun to walk with."

He sighed, sounding annoyed again. "Don't start that."

I just sighed and didn't say anything. Why did it matter? I was just going to be a downer—or just make everything terrible awkward.

I let my head drop so I was staring at the ground. He sighed again.

"Did you want to come with me and my friends to the park?" He made me look up at him.

I shrugged. "I won't be much fun—I don't know how to…" I shrugged.

He snorted. "You'll be fine. C'mon."

He offered his hand to me. I stared at it for a few seconds. I didn't know what to do for a few seconds anyways, I was still feeling awkward. But I did take it after a few minutes and he just walked with me up to the group. I got quiet again and I mostly kept my eyes straight ahead, but I was feeling less awkward. I did feel a little bad that I didn't say anything when they kept trying to pull me into the conversation. But I was still trying to get over being shy.

I wasn't sure when I'd reach that point but I knew I would after a while. Once I got used to being around them then I would be fine.

I hadn't realized that we were already at the park until Ichigo was having me sit against a tree in the shade. I'd been zoning out the entire walk here. He sat next to me, keeping my hand. I still didn't say anything and I had to resist the impulse to sit down when Chad and Orihime sat down. They started talking with Ichigo but didn't try to pull me into the conversation. They could probably tell that I was still extremely uncomfortable.

I suddenly started to shake. I wasn't sure what was going on but I was shaking pretty badly.

That's when everything suddenly went black.


	20. Chapter 20

_For some reason I was inside my head. The hollow me had attacked me, which explained why I'd blacked out. And she was still attacking me. I barely had it in me to kick her in the stomach, get up, and take off, not sure where I was going. I didn't understand why I had to deal with her right this very second. _

_ "You ain't going to get away that easily." Hollow me laughed and I felt something choking me. _

_ I tried to pry it off but it didn't go over that well. I was losing air pretty fast and I couldn't get her._

_ She just grinned at me. "Now you're gonna die."_

_ I tried to pull free but it still didn't work and everything was starting to go gray and steadily getting darker. I knew I wasn't supposed to die yet. But it was happening anyways. _

_ I went out._

_ I came to consciousness after a while and I realized that she had left her guard down. I slowly got up and attacked, driving Yoso into her shoulder. She screamed and I was able to take control from her. For the most part._

_ "LET GO!" I screamed at her, attacking her while vaguely realizing I was also in partial control and ripping the mask off. She screamed angrily._

_ "Stop!" She snarled at me._

_ "Why should I?" I growled at her, keeping the blade in her shoulder. "Why shouldn't I just kill you right now?"_

_ "Because I just want to live! That's it!" She spat._

_ "Then why try to kill me? Can't you just be fine with living in my head?" I asked her._

_ She slowly calmed down. "I don't know. I thought if I didn't kill you I'd eventually fade and die." _

_ I snorted and rolled my eyes. "What gave you that idea?"_

_ She didn't answer. So it must've just been basic Hollow instinct then. That's what I assumed._

_ "This isn't over." She snarled at me. _

_ I growled in response._

I came to, lying on my back in the grass. My body was slumped against the tree. Ichigo had his blade out, his face pretty scratched up. I just stayed lying down, panting. I didn't want to get up; I didn't want anyone to look at me like I was a monster. I didn't want to see any of that. I couldn't stand any of that. So what I was hoping for is that they knew what happened, or at least guessed. I heard footsteps approaching me but I still didn't move.

"Hey." Ichigo kneeled next to me. "Are you okay?"

I finally sat up and only shook my head in response. I could definitely tell that I was NOT okay. I was terrified. I didn't know how I was supposed to handle it. Could I have a rational response to it? I had no idea. If I opened my mouth to speak, I'd probably end up in tears. And I didn't want that to happen. I had to stay strong—it wasn't an option.

He touched my shoulder and I flinched. There wasn't any reason to flinch other than I was just jumpy.

"We need to figure out how to get that under control." He mumbled.

I realized Chad and Orihime were staring at me. The only relief I felt is at least they didn't look horrified or scared or something. But I couldn't tell what it was that they were feeling. It was really annoying. But I looked away from them. It didn't matter now; I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to just disappear at that moment. Disappearing wasn't an option though.

There must have been fear on my face because Ichigo's voice was suddenly soft and soothing. "It's going to be okay."

I shook my head. I should've believed him, but I just didn't think I could believe him. Nothing seemed like it would be okay.

I took in a huge breath. "That's probably the scariest thing that's ever happened to me."

Ichigo frowned. "Even scarier than being attacked by a hollow?"

I nodded. It was ten times scarier, and it's worse knowing that she lives inside of me and there's no way to get rid of her easily. That I know of anyways.

He sighed. "I think we'd have to talk to the Vizards to help with that."

I tilt my head in total confusion. He just shook his head at me, with an expression saying that he would explain later. That was enough for me. I didn't need to know right now anyways.

"Wait, Ichigo is she having the same problem that you had?" Orihime asked.

Ichigo turned to look at her. "Yes. The exact same problem but it's probably worse."

"How so?"

"Well, the hollow has been living inside of her much longer than mine has when I first got my Soul Reaper powers."

Orihime looked about as confused about that as I was about everything else. That didn't really matter to me right now. I already knew that I had a major problem. Handling it was going to be the problem for me, considering I had no idea how to handle it and what would happen. What I did know for certain was if we didn't resolve this problem soon, I'd lose myself and that would be the worst feeling in the entire world. But then again, I wouldn't know how that would feel, as I'd already be completely gone.

I shuddered. I shouldn't have even been thinking about that.

I realized suddenly that Ichigo was quietly talking to Orihime and Chad. I couldn't hear what he was talking to them about, he was leaning in close to them and his voice was too low for me to make any words out. But if it was about me, shouldn't I be involved too? Maybe he thought that I couldn't handle it. But that possibility made me frown. Did he honestly think I was so weak that handling this situation was no longer something I could deal with? But he could be right.

He turned to look at me and I made the frown on my face vanish. I didn't need to be displaying my displeasure at the fact that I was being left out of a discussion that I had no idea what it was about.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Trying to decide if we should see if Urahara should do something, or if we should take you to the Vizards." He said.

Again with something I don't know about.


	21. Chapter 21

I wanted an explanation right then. I didn't care if he felt like right now wasn't the best time. If I knew about it, I could help come to a decision about what's best. But he turned back around and didn't explain it. That was extremely frustrating. I was about to ask again when I heard someone clearing their throat. Ichigo turned to look behind me and then he scowled.

"Shinji." He said in a hard voice.

I turned my head to look at the person. He was standing almost right behind me so it was a little hard to see him. But he had short-ish blonde hair and he was wearing a really…really unbelievably creepy smile. It sent shivers up my spine and I turned back around.

"Have a problem?" He asked. For some reason his voice creeped me out as well.

"Well, yes but it's not something I'm going to explain to you right now." He sounded pretty angry.

He stood up suddenly and looked at me. "C'mon Saru, let's go."

I frowned and stood up and didn't look behind me. I decided that this Shinji seriously gives me the creeps.

"But I might be able to help if you tell me what it is."

"Not now, Shinji." He snapped.

He grabbed my hand and started walking toward the Shoten. He seemed pretty angry, although I wasn't entirely sure why. Was Shinji an enemy? Someone who was a threat or what? But just from what I can see from the expression on his face, now was not the time to ask.

We continued to walk to the Shoten in silence. He had an expression of pure annoyance now, rather than anger. That still prevented me from asking who this Shinji was. After all, I was almost entirely sure I didn't want to know.

I heard footsteps behind us and I was about to turn around when we reached the Shoten and Ichigo shoved me towards the door.

"Just go inside. It appears he wants to talk to me so just wait inside, I'll be inside in a minute." He sounded pretty irritated.

"Alright." I was starting to walk inside.

"Wait." It was that Shinji guy. "Don't."

I knew I probably should just go inside like Ichigo said but I didn't know what I should do so I just stood there, not turning to face Shinji. He was a creepy character, which I didn't want to look at. I shoved my hands in my pockets and stood there, my back to him.

"Saru. Go inside. Please." Ichigo's voice was flat, even. I could hear the bristling anger in his tone.

I took another step but then someone grabbed my arm. It obviously wasn't Ichigo.

"Let go of me." I growled.

"I assume this involves you. Considering I can sense the hollow's energy coming right off of you." Shinji sounded annoyed and curious.

Shinji's hand was ripped off of my arm and I finally just went inside like Ichigo had asked before. I didn't see Urahara anywhere, so I just went downstairs myself. I sat down next to a wall and waited. I didn't know how long I'd have to sit here, but I was sure I could wait.

I tapped my fingers on my knee, rested my head back and closed my eyes, totally relaxed. I didn't think about what might be going on outside, I didn't think about that stupid creep Shinji. I kept myself focused on calm, happy thoughts. So when I heard the door open to come downstairs bang open, my eyes flew open, my head whipped forward and I jumped violently. I jumped again when I realized it was Urahara that came downstairs.

"Is Ichigo still outside?" I asked.

Urahara looked down at me. "Yeah. He's kind of yelling at Shinji."

I frowned; it had to have been twenty minutes by now and he was still outside? Somehow, I knew that Shinji wasn't someone that was a friend. But I wasn't entirely sure if he was an enemy either. So what should I consider Shinji to be to me? Right now, every time I think about him I shudder. He's given me the impression that he's a creep.

"What is with this Shinji character anyways?" I asked, strangely quiet.

"Ichigo didn't tell you?" Urahara frowned.

"No." I frowned.

"He's a Vizard."

"What's that?"

Urahara facepalmed.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's note: I forgot to double space chapters before this one and hopefully I'll be better about it so the words don't crowd together. From this chapter out, they SHOULD be double spaced so it's not so crowded **** and I'm going to try to make the chapters slightly longer. Give me feedback on that idea please **

I scowled at Urahara's response. Was it really that bad that I had no clue what a Vizard was? Or maybe he had just expected to have Ichigo say something to me by now. That didn't matter to me. What mattered now was finding out what a Vizard was and who this Shinji character is. Urahara explained to me what they were. I stared at him for a long time before I finally processed his words.

"So a Vizard is a Soul Reaper with hollow powers?" I finally said.

"Yes."

"So is that what I am?" I slowly asked.

Urahara hesitated before answering. "I'm not really sure yet. You're powers are still in development so it's too soon to tell."

I scowled. "What do you mean by that?"

He blinked at me. "Well, all I meant was I don't know if you're more Soul Reaper, or Hollow."

Terror ripped through me and I started shaking pretty badly. What did this mean for me? Would I become one of those things that go around eating people's spirits? Or would I become a regular Soul Reaper or some strange mix like this shady Shinji character? The first thought and the last thought scared me pretty badly. I'd rather be regular but the snickering distorted voice that suddenly appeared in my head confirmed the idea for me that it was unlikely for me to be a normal person. My life was going to be screwed up one way or another.

I heard the trap door to this room bang open loudly and I flinched. I looked up and saw Ichigo but I couldn't tell what kind of mood he was in. But given the stiff set of his shoulders, and just how stiff he looked in general, he was probably in a bad mood. Fan-freaking-tastic. As if the whole thing with me being an unknown creature wasn't bad enough; now we had to deal with a grumpy Ichigo.

He seemed to be grumbling to himself as he approached us. I just watched him carefully, not entirely sure what else to do. He stopped a few feet away from Urahara and me, confusion clouding his face.

"I told her what a Vizard is. Since you didn't for reasons I clearly don't understand." Urahara said.

Ichigo glowered at him. "I was going to tell her. I just had to talk to Shinji for longer than I thought."

I didn't say anything, and I wasn't sure if I believed him or not. I should be better than that but it made me wonder if he was keeping anything else from me deliberately and just wasn't ready to tell me. This made no sense because I was sure I could handle anything. But maybe he was keeping something from me that I probably couldn't handle. I didn't know what to think anymore.

Ichigo looked at me. "So you understand what this means for you right?"

I shrugged. "Urahara said it's too early to tell what I'm going to turn into?"

Ichigo frowned and glared at Urahara. "Did you really say that to her?"

Urahara sighed. "Yes, because it's the truth. Honestly."

Ichigo continued to glare at him. I sighed. "Honestly, Ichigo, it's better to hear the truth then some lie to comfort me. I can handle it."

He turned to look at me but didn't say a word. I kept my eyes on him, so he couldn't see the fact that my strong conviction about wanting the truth was hanging on by a thread. I felt like I was going to explode. Maybe even scream. I wasn't sure and the fact that the Hollow's laughter just echoed through my head made me shudder in fear and I was creeped out. She was getting loud, and annoying, and probably was stronger than me.

Ichigo frowned; he noticed I shivered. "You alright?"

"_She_ won't shut up." I said and shuddered again.

Ichigo sighed in frustration. "Maybe we should go see the Vizards. I'll go talk to Shinji."

I stood up quickly. "I'll come with you."

He sighed unhappily but didn't protest and I followed him to the ladder. After he was through the door, I hurriedly went up the ladder and Urahara came up after me and then closed the door. Ichigo tensed up as we went outside and I noticed Shinji was just standing there, his arms crossed, waiting patiently. I saw Ichigo's face and I realized that maybe he was expecting Shinji to have left, and was a little irritated that he had stayed in the same spot the entire time.

"So I assume you want my help." Shinji asked boredly, as if expecting this.

"It's not up to me." Ichigo looked directly at me right then.

I didn't answer right off. Is this what I really wanted? But when I heard the Hollow's anguished howl in my head that made my decision for me. "Yes, I want your help."

The Hollow began protesting rather loudly in my head, which caused my head to throb, but she didn't care she wasn't going to let me do this easily. She kept shrieking and howling, causing me to wince, until I finally screamed at her to shut up and then Yoso began occupying her. For that I was grateful, I couldn't take any more of that distorted howling and screaming any more than I had to.

I ignored the concern on Ichigo's face and looked at Shinji. He was watching me with a bored expression, which was annoying, and then he finally uncrossed his arms.

"Alright this way." He started walking.

I sucked in a deep breath and began walking. I felt Ichigo take my hand and squeeze it gently. I intertwined my fingers with his, glad that he was with me. I already knew for a fact that I couldn't do this alone. I'd lose my mind if I had to do this alone. Shinji was walking quite a bit faster than us, fast enough to be quite a ways ahead, but not fast enough to disappear from sight. Maybe he just wasn't a people person and that's why he was walking so far away from us.

Eventually he walked into this abandoned warehouse area and we soon caught up. He was heading for this huge abandoned looking, windowless building.

I took another deep breath, and walked forward.


	23. Chapter 23

The garage like door remained closed until Shinji banged on it hard and forcefully, the metal actually bending slightly under his fist. Eventually, it started to open upward, with a groan and a protesting shriek, like a garage door. My entire body tensed up, preparing for the unknown. Ichigo gave my hand another reassuring squeeze but I didn't return it; it was almost as if I didn't even realize he was still with me. I didn't turn to look at his face, I just stared as the door completely opened up, staring at the stairs that lead into the dark, a dim light at the far bottom. There was clearly a reason for it to go probably underground.

Shinji looked at me, then started going down the stairs. I barely hesitated; I walked forward, pulling Ichigo along with me. Shinji looked back, his eyes drifting to Ichigo he frowned, but didn't say anything when he saw the death grip I had on Ichigo's hand. I realized that I was actually afraid. I was afraid of what might happen if this doesn't go over well. I'd be completely lost if that were the case. I knew that if that was the case, they'd have no choice but to kill me. This made perfect, although horrible, sense. I repressed the subject from my mind. That wasn't something I needed to be thinking about at the moment.

As we reached the bottom, we reached a room very similar to the thing under Urahara's shop. Except it was more just plain dirt and rocks and no shrubs, and it seemed to be wider, and I noticed the ground was torn up, as if there was a recent fight here.

Shadowy figures stood right where I couldn't see them. But I didn't want to see them; if they were all like Shinji then I definitely did not want to know who they are. But judging from the look Shinji's wearing, I may have to find out, despite how much I don't want to.

Shinji finally said something. "Ichigo I'd recommend you move, so you don't get involved."

I started to panic when Ichigo released my hand and walked over to the side. He stared at me, then deliberately looked at Shinji, and I knew I had to turn my attention back to him.

"You need to get out of your body." Shinji said flatly.

I frowned. "I thought you'd have a way to do it."

Shinji looked exasperated but pulled a glove with a skull on it out of his back pocket. "Good thing I picked one of these up recently."

He stepped forward until he was in front of me, then slammed the palm of his gloved hand into my forehead, and I fell backwards out of my body. Ichigo rushed forward and dragged my body out of the way, pulling it into another room. Shinji scowled at him, but said nothing as he jerked the glove off and shoved it into his back pocket. I just watched him, my hand resting on Yoso's hilt.

"Don't draw your blade. Relax your mind." He said.

Hands suddenly grabbed the side of my head and everything swirled and as I felt my body slacken, everything went black.

_When I came to, I was in my world again, in a half living, half dead meadow. The half I was standing on was alive and thriving, but where my Hollow was standing, quite a ways off, there were angry storm clouds, and the grass was dead, and withered. The Hollow pointed her blade directly at me._

_ "Looks like it's time to see who's boss. This should be easy, since you didn't get much training." She said cockly._

_ I pointed my blade right back at her. "I guess we'll find out who has the stronger will."_

_ She snorted and rolled her eyes, and released her blade the same time I released Yoso. But there was a deadly difference; lightning was flickering around on her blade, and nothing was coming from mine. I frowned but charged forward._

_ "That's where you fail!" She screamed at me. "You can't even use the sword to its full potential!"_

_ The lightning reared off of her blade and slammed into my chest, sending me flying backwards, and it was agonizing. I struggled to catch my breath and get to my feet. She grabbed the front of my clothes by the color and slammed the blade, flat side, into my stomach, shocking me. I screamed in pain as she threw me. My stomach was bleeding badly, and I could feel the skin beginning to blister. This was going horribly wrong. I could tell I was losing badly; I didn't have enough experience. _

_ She laughed as more lightning slammed into me, hitting me in the shoulders and stomach, sending me tumbling. I was bleeding badly now. I got up, and the Hollow slammed her hand into my face and slammed me on my back into the ground._

_ "I guess we know now who the stronger one is." She smirked and got up. "However, I can't let this end quickly. Dragging it out would be _fun." _She chuckled in her demented way._

_ I struggled to sit up, groaning. "Why can't we cooperate?"_

_ She whirled around to glare at me." What's the point of that? You are weak! I am much stronger than you! What is the point of letting you, a weakling, live?!"_

_ I slowly stood up, despite the pain and how hard it was to stand. "I don't understand. Why do you have such an urgent need to destroy me. The only reason you exist is because of me." _

_ She snorted. "Yeah sure whatever. But now that I do exist, I don't need you anymore."_

_ "They will kill you if you destroy me." I growled. "Then what will have been the point?"_

_ She shrugged. "I don't know. But I don't care. Anyways, too much talking!"_

_ She lunged at me and I heard Yoso's voice in my head. "Use your reitsu and channel electricity at her! You can't take much more of this! If she hits you two or three more times with that electricity you're dead!"_

_ The hollow laughed and sent another bolt of electricity at me, grinning, as if she knew I was close to being completely done. I held my ground as best as I could, lifting Yoso up, my arms shaking, Yoso feeling like she weighed a lot more than before. _

_ Electricity popped on either side of the middle blade and I realized._

_ That's what the three blades were for._

_ The middle one was a conductor._


	24. Chapter 24

_I felt Yoso's triumph race through me. That's why she was a three pronged blade. Not for direct attacks, but for the exact purpose of long distance strikes with electricity. And the bolt that was racing at me now could be counted with one of my own. I whipped Yoso up, then straight back down, and bluish, purple electricity slammed into my Hollow's black one with an explosive crackling noise. The joy and triumph was washed clean off her face and replaced with a look of pure shock. I stared at her, as the lightning began dissipating and gave her a sly smile, which I knew would tick her off._

_ Anger and frustration replaced her other expression immediately and once the lightning was gone, she charged at me with an angry shriek, determined it seemed like to beat me to a bloody pulp with short range attacks. Yoso's knowledge of fighting began to fill into me, which made dodging the Hollow's enraged thrusts and swings much easier. I never got the opportunity to train, and now it seemed Yoso was giving me the training I missed out on. _

_ The Hollow screamed in frustration when she noticed my dodges were quick and timed. "How are you doing this?! You were never properly trained this doesn't make any sense!"_

_ I snorted. "Instinct." That word flowed from my mouth against my control._

_ "That can't be! I am stronger! You are weak!" She screamed, her swings beginning to become a little more wild from her rage and less controlled._

_ That made dodging much more simpler since she was losing her temper. But regardless, I had to be cautious; she was still dangerous to me, as it was true; she was much stronger than I was. _

_ Suddenly lightning shot out without warning, a fierce snarl on the Hollow's face. It slammed into me and the sheer force knocked me quite a ways backwards. I wasn't expecting her to hit me from such a short distance. Now I was stunned, and I was having difficulty breathing. I had to labor to breath and my arms and legs wouldn't respond when I tried to move as my enraged Hollow approached me. Everything felt like lead, my spine was tingling, and there was nothing I could do about it. I needed to move, and my body wasn't responding to me. Another hit from her, and I was dead. Everything in my body told me that if I didn't move, it was game over for me. And then game over for my hollow, as there would be no way she could fight of the Vizards and Ichigo alone._

_ "Move." Yoso's voice was in my ear. "I am with you now, I can help restore the movement to your body. Get up, and keep fighting!"_

_ Suddenly my entire body was lighter, and I sprung to my feet._

_ My Hollow looked even angrier. "I paralyzed you from the neck down with that blast! How are you still moving?!"_

_ I swung the blade down, hitting the hollow square in the chest with a bolt of lightning, sending her staggering backwards. She hadn't been standing close enough for the lightning to do much more than that, but she was bleeding, and fighting to get her breath back, and that lifted my hopes, if only slightly. She glared at me with hate filled eyes. Every fiber of my being knew that there would be no talking her out of stopping this. She was a Hollow, and she only obeyed her endless lust for killing. That's all it was._

_ "You must release this form, you are too weak to do keep me like this. You'll have the strength to take her down, but you have to do it in one hit, or it's all over." Yoso's voice was weak, and faded as her form was re-sealed into the single blade._

_ I watched the Hollow for a minute, gauging her movement, she was getting her breath back but I still had just enough time to get her off guard. I rushed forward._

_ As I went to plunge the blade into her chest, a white single blade blocked my attack. It appeared she was too weak to keep her blade in the three-pronged form as well. She glared me down with hate filled eyes._

_ "I'm not going to let you finish me." She snarled. "I won't let someone as weak as you take control."_

_ I glared right back. "You've given me no choice. I have to take you out."_

_ She growled at me. "Just you try."_

_ "I will." _

_ I twisted my blade underneath hers, flat side up against her sharp edge, and shoved upwards, forcing her to rear back, arms up from the blade being forced up. I lunged into the opening, but I wasn't fast enough as she blocked my attack again. I jumped backwards, looking for an opening and that's when it dawned on me. Next time she swung, I could dodge out of the way and stab her. I had to try._

_ She rushed me, snarling animal-like, it sent shivers down my spine, and as she went for a strike, I dove into her vulnerable side, and sunk my sword deep into her. She screamed in rage and pain, releasing her blade simultaneously. I looked up at her face. There was sheer anger, and surprise. Then it settled into one of contempt._

_ "Hmph." She growled. "You've defeated me. For now. I'll be too weak for a long time to give you any fuss." She stared into my eyes. "Because you've actually defeated me in a weaker state than I, you have earned my respect. But nothing more. We will meet again, and if you aren't prepared, you will lose." _

_ I glared at her until she was completely gone. My legs buckled and I fell to my knees as the grass began to revive._

_ I threw my fists into the air in triumph and yelled. "I did it!"_

_ Then I face planted into the sweet smelling grass._


	25. Chapter 25

When I came to, I was back in my physical body, in a bed somewhere. I didn't immediately recognize where I was and that scared me half to death. But then I realized I was back in the Shoten. How did I get back here? I was confused and I sat up really fast, and the underground training room spun around me really fast.

Ichigo suddenly looked at me. "Hey you're awake!"

I looked at him. "I remember the fight, but then I blacked out. What the heck happened?"

He was hesitant to answer, but at least he did. "Well, you had completely hollowfied while you were fighting me, then suddenly the whole shell just burst and you collapsed. You've been out for days now."

I blinked in surprise. "Days?"

"Yeah, you had severe burn injuries and one of your internal organs burst from close contact with something explosive…but Orihime took care of it." He said, forcing a smile.

I finally noticed the girl sitting next to Ichigo. She looked exhausted but had a smile on her face, and I noticed there was worry on her face, matching Ichigo's expression.

"We weren't sure when-or if-you were going to wake up. You were in a coma like state." Orihime let out a sigh of relief then frowned. "How did you get such severe burns to the point muscle was showing?"

I instantly remembered all of the lightning. "There was a lot of electric reitsu attacks being used. Mainly on me. And the one that caused an organ to rupture was probably when she was basically standing in front of me and blasted me with lightning."

Ichigo looked confused. "How the crap did that get involved?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, my hollow used it first, and then Yoso taught me everything else while I was fighting. It was like we'd become one person."

Ichigo frowned. "I'd never heard of anyone having an electric reitsu before…that is interesting stuff. I'll need to let Urahara know."

He started to stand up, but Orihime jumped to her feet. "I can do it! You stay here with her Ichigo." She ran off before either one of us could say anything.

"That works." Ichigo snorted and then looked at me, the worry returning. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine now." I said to him, taking his hand. "Really, I'm fine now."

I could tell he didn't believe me. But if I was being honest, I was only physically fine. Emotionally, I wanted to break down. I had honestly thought I was going to die when I had been fighting with my Hollow. I had gotten so close it was a very real danger. But I didn't want to upset Ichigo more by saying that emotionally, I was drained and scared.

He was staring at me and I realized I should probably keep telling him I'm fine except now I'm shaking so now I really won't be able to convince him. I sighed.

"I'm not that great, but I'm better than I was." I sighed.

He stared worriedly at me, obviously not believing me _at all, _which I guess he had a reason to, as I hadn't woken up for days. So it clearly wasn't the smart thing to do was wake up suddenly and tell him I was fine. In reality, nothing was okay, except for the Hollow finally being under control. That was the only thing I was okay with.

Subject change time. "So, what did I look like all hollowfied?"

He frowned. "Some type of bird. A falcon maybe. The talons were the scary part because you had them on your hands and feet and you kept trying to swipe people with them, which would've been bad because they were so sharp they were deadly."

I felt a small amount of sheer horror spread through me. "It was bad."

He shrugged, and I knew that he wasn't going to tell me the entire truth. "Not _that _bad."

Then Orihime shouted from upstairs. "Come up here!"

I slowly stood up, and very nearly collapsed again. My leg muscles were sore and fairly weak. Ichigo grabbed a hold of my arm to support me, as I could hardly walk on my own. The fight had occurred days ago, and I was still this weak? I wondered how I must have looked after the initial fight, with all those injuries. I probably looked pretty bad.

We made slow progress over to the ladder and then I realized there would be a problem. I wouldn't be able to climb up the ladder myself, or I would more than likely fall off. That wouldn't be much fun for me, considering how sore I still was. But I knew I had to try to get up, regardless of soreness, or weakness. I was going to do it, even if I was dead tired at the top—although that would be pretty pathetic if I was.

I put my hands on the ladder and hefted myself high enough to put my feet up. My arms were already shaking and it felt like my legs couldn't handle much of this. I gritted my teeth and slowly started climbing up. It was getting painful half way up, which I thought was ridiculous, by the time I reached the top, Orihime had to help me get off, as I was in absolute agony by then. I wonder how long it was going to take me before I'd be completely recovered.

Orihime helped me go over to the couch and she said to Ichigo. "You're dad's out front."

Ichigo sighed and I jumped. I hadn't realized he'd gotten up here. "And he doesn't know anything about Saru…fantastic."

He walked out to the front while I just sat on the couch, relaxing, the agonizing pain slowly subsiding back into moderate soreness. That felt ten times better if I was being honest.

Orihime sat next to me. "Are you still really sore?"

I nodded and then I had to ask. "How bad did I look after I had finished?"

Orihime's face went blank. "Really bad. You actually scared Ichigo half to death because he thought you and your Hollow might have simultaneously killed each other. I saw why he thought that. You were severly burned all over, and your muscles were showing in several different places. You also had a ruptured liver, which I was able to heal quickly, otherwise you would have died. And you were a bloody mess."

I shuddered at the thought, although I couldn't really imagine it. "I didn't realize I got that banged up."

Orihime winced. "Ichigo seemed like a mess himself when he brought you to me."

I winced at that but didn't say anything more. If Ichigo thought I was dead, that would explain why he was freaking out about wether or not I was lying about being okay. I wish I would have known that sooner. Now I felt like an idiot.

Ichigo suddenly returned a few minutes, sounding strained. "Saru can you come with me outside?"

"What for?" I internally cringed at having to walk.

"My dad wants to meet you."


	26. Chapter 26

I stared at him nervously. His dad wanted to meet me? That was a little unnerving and I was also sure that this was probably not the best time for him to meet me. But judging from the annoyance on Ichigo's face, there wasn't anything to be done about it now, his dad wasn't going to leave. Could I even do this? I wasn't sure if I was really up for it.

"Can't it wait? I'm sore and walking isn't much of an option." I said rather quietly.

"I really wish it could but my dad is going out of town with my sisters for a while tomorrow so it really can't wait." Ichigo sighed.

I put my hands down on the couch and used them to get me to my feet but I swayed and couldn't take a step without nearly falling over. This was horrid timing by his dad, but it was too late now. Ichigo gently grabbed my arm to pull me closer to him, and then put that arm gently around my waist, and helped guide me outside. My legs felt like lead, and didn't want to obey me, but I forced them to, although I stumbled several times. I couldn't even make it to the front door, without losing my footing several more times. Ichigo frowned at that and I could tell he was going to see if he could think of a way of getting me out of this.

I finally sighed. "This is ridiculous. Should I really be this weak?"

Ichigo sighed. "I don't know. I can't really tell you the answer to that. The only one who'd know the answer is…" He said this flatly. "Shinji."

I didn't say a word and Ichigo helped me get out the door, but I nearly fell on the porch, so Ichigo had to basically hold me up. I hated that he had to support me so much, but it really couldn't be helped. I was too weak to support myself at the moment.

I saw a man standing there, he had black hair, and a black beard thing going on. I didn't know what to say to him at the moment.

"Dad, this is Saru…Saru, this is my dad, Isshin." Ichigo said in a quiet voice. "Dad, I can't really let her go to shake hands or hug or whatever, she's kinda injured at the moment."

Isshin just nodded his head at me. "Nice to meet you." There was an odd excited look in his eyes despite his calm demeanor.

"You too." I said, blandly.

Ichigo turned me around and helped me back inside. "I gotta talk to him for a second, so can you wait in here?"

I nodded and he helped me back onto the couch. I sat there silently as he went outside to go talk to his father. I didn't know where Orihime or Urahara went so I just sat there in silence by myself. What else could I do while I was waiting for Ichigo to come back? I heard a vague shouting, none of it I could understand because it wasn't loud enough for me to really make out the words.

I heard stomping after a few minutes and Ichigo entered the room. He looked pretty embarrassed for some reason and for some reason I found it kind of funny. I put a hand over my mouth and started snickering. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow questioningly, but there was still some of the embarrassment there so the odd combination of expressions just made it hilarious. So I just busted up laughing. He just stared at me like I was a crazy person. Maybe the pain was doing this to me, after all there wasn't really anything that funny. I was probably just losing my marbles. That's what it had to be. But eventually I could stop laughing, but not before Urahara came into the room.

"What was so funny?" Urahara looked at me, then at Ichigo.

He shrugged. "Don't ask me, I don't even know."

I snorted. "The expression on your face was funny."

Suddenly his face turned red. "My dad had a weird conversation with me."

My stomach suddenly rumbled. "What time is it?"

"Like, five in the afternoon, why?"

I frowned. "I was out all day?"

"You were out for several days, I'm surprised you weren't out for another one." Ichigo frowned, noticing my expression.

"Can I have food?" I suddenly gave him the puppy dog eyes, seeming childish.

He chuckled and looked at Urahara. Urahara just looked at me. "I'm making dinner right now. Which reminds me…" He trailed off and left the room.

Once he left Ichigo sat down next to me. He didn't say anything and I eventually rested my head on his shoulder, suddenly feeling a little tired. I shouldn't be so tired after being out for several days, but it must just be part of the recovery process, because I really was tired honestly. I ended up falling asleep on his shoulder.

_For some reason, I was in my little meadow world, which was happy and thriving. There was no sign of the Hollow, which was good. I went and kneeled next to the creek, which bubbled and gurgled, and I noticed little fish attempting to swim upstream. I smiled. This was a great thing to see. I looked up and noticed random animals appearing. It made sense for animals to be in this world, I loved wildlife afterall._

_ I turned around and noticed Yoso was standing there, looking pretty pleased. I smiled at her and she approached me._

_ "Your world has been thriving after you defeated the Hollow. She hasn't reappeared since, probably because she's too weak right now, and so the animals started coming." She smiled at me but it faded. "But you know she will be back, and out for vengeance when she is strong enough."_

_ I nodded, all the joy sucked from the atmosphere. "I know."_

_ "So why aren't you training or anything?" She looked frustrated._

_ "I can't!" I snapped. "I've been too weak. I can't really move on my own."_

_ "Let's just hope her recovery is a lot slower than yours then." Yoso stomped off, now seeming angry. I sighed and turned back to the creek. Some of the fish jumped, catching flies that were hovering over it. For a mental world, this seemed like it could easily be a real place somewhere out in the world. If it was, I would love it so much. _

_ But now there was a reminder, about if I didn't get stronger. I'd get overwhelmed once the Hollow saw an opportunity to attack. If she recovers faster than I do, then I'm really in deep trouble. Trouble I can't afford to have. _

_ I dipped my fingers into the cool water, and it sent a relaxing sensation up my body. That's how I sat for a while, until there was a shaking somewhere outside my mental world. I started getting sucked out. _

I woke up, yawning and stretching. "How long was I napping?"

"Well, it took Urahara about an hour to make dinner so that's how long you were asleep." Ichigo smiled at me, handing me a plate of food.

I scarfed it down before I ever even identified what it was. But before I completely finished, a flash of that reminder from Yoso went through my head and my entire body went ice cold and I lost my appetite. I swallowed hard and sat the plate to the side.

If I didn't start training, even while recovering, I'd lose to my Hollow. I should've understood this before. Her recovery would be nearly the same rate as mine.

I had to win against her again.


	27. Chapter 27

Ichigo frowned and picked the plate up, took it out to the kitchen, then came back and sat down. He was looking at my face with concern. I didn't say anything to him, because I didn't want to upset him or worry him or anything. So I just stared at my hands in my lap and then I suddenly yawned, feeling exhausted. That made me a little glad, because that meant I could put off having any sort of conversation with Ichigo about this Hollow thing, at least until tomorrow. My stomach flipped, and I started to feel nauseated, probably from my nerves, and I attempted to stand up, only to have my legs wobble, and I had to sit back down again. If I was going to get rest, how was I supposed to get downstairs without basically just falling down? There's no way I could climb down the ladder. This thought made me sigh in frustration. I wanted to recover, and quickly.

"I want to go to sleep. But I have no idea how I'm supposed to get downstairs." I scowled.

Urahara walked out just then. "You'll just have to sleep on the couch."

I sighed. "Alright. And I want to start training as soon as possible."

Ichigo stared at me. "But it could be a few days before you fully recover."

I made a sound of frustration; I had known he would say something just like that. It annoyed me. But, not I could see him staring at me, confused, and if I didn't explain the sudden urgency for training, he would _definitely _make me put it off. I wasn't going to have that. Not if I could get away with it. Urahara was staring at me with a frown; I couldn't tell exactly what it was he was thinking. His hat hooded his eyes, which was really pretty annoying as well.

"You should probably wait…until you've recovered." Ichigo said, frowning.

My body went cold again. If I waited that long…there could be some serious consequences. The one being I could get eradicated by my Hollow. I wrapped my arms around myself and shuddered. I turned my head away, so Ichigo and Urahara couldn't see the expression on my face. The last thing they needed to see was how upset I was getting. I already knew that I'd be in more pain than I needed if I chose to get up, but I did anyways. Without saying anything, I hobbled outside, and collapsed in the yard, partially from pain, and partially from the fact I was wracked with sobs, terrified of thought of the Hollow. If I was just this scared from only _thinking _about her, what would I do when she came back to fight me? I didn't know, and that scared me even more.

I hadn't heard anybody come outside after me. But that shouldn't be surprising, considering I walked out without saying a word, and now suddenly I'm a complete mess. What would somebody think if they walked by? I still couldn't get myself pulled together. It wasn't easy.

"What's wrong?" It was Ichigo, and he sounded upset as well.

"I'm…scared." I managed to spit out, after taking deep breaths to get myself to calm down, somewhat.

"Of what?" He frowned.

I told him the same things Yoso told me, very nearly bursting into tears again. I shouldn't be handling it the way that I am, but I wasn't sure what else to do, sadly. I sniffed and sighed, finally getting a complete hold on all of the crying. Ichigo was silent for a while, and I was glad. I wasn't really up for saying much. I just chose to wait for him to say something, shivering, as it was getting into nighttime now, and I was starting to get cold. But now the soreness was taking affect again, and I was starting to hurt. I wasn't going to be able to move on my own.

Ichigo still didn't say anything, and he had this thoughtful expression on his face, and he helped me get up, wrapping an arm around my waist, and slowly helped me inside. I noted that there was a pillow and blanket on the couch, but Urahara was nowhere in sight. Ichigo helped me lay down, and I yawned again. Ichigo smiled and kissed my forehead.

"I'll be back in the morning okay? Just try to rest up." He stroked my face gently.

"Okay." My eyelids felt heavy and I drifted off to slip, with him still stroking my face.

When I woke up in the morning, my body was aching, and I was frozen. When I sat up, I realized I had rolled off the couch in my sleep. I groaned and crawled back on the couch; that was _not_ going to help me at all. I lied there, staring at the ceiling. I didn't know how long I stared at the ceiling before I heard a noise coming from upstairs. I sat up and turned around, and I noticed the shopkeeper come downstairs, go into the shop portion of his building, then come back and into the kitchen. It appeared that he didn't notice that I was awake. I didn't want to get up and go tell him I was; I wasn't sure I could even move much. I wasn't about to test it, especially after falling off of the couch.

Urahara came out again and held out a bowl of oatmeal to me, being uncharacteristically silent. I stared for a minute, then took the bowl, and slowly started eating. He didn't say anything, but went and sat down in a chair, and just sat there silently, until I was finished eating, then he came and took the bowl from me, and took it into the kitchen. He came back out and sat down.

"Um, morning." I shifted, feeling a little uncomfortable.

He didn't say anything for a moment. Then he cleared his throat. "Ichigo stopped by, but you were still asleep. And he had to leave to take care of something and said he'd be back. He was supposed to be back an hour ago…"

I froze up. "What does that mean?"

"Either it means, he just got held up, or something happened. I don't really know, and I can't really go check it out."

I could only feel horror, did something bad happen to him?


	28. Chapter 28

I needed to get up, I didn't care if I was sore. I had to go find him. I jerked up to my feet, wobbled a little bit, and went downstairs. I had some spare clothes and I realized that I oddly wasn't that weak anymore. But once I was changed, I went back upstairs, and started out the door, when Urahara grabbed my arm.

"Let go of me." I snapped at him.

"If something did happen to him this isn't a situation you're ready for. I'm sure someone else will help him." He growled at me.

"I can't sit here and do nothing!" I got angrier. "If I sit here and do _nothing_ and he gets _hurt_, I'm going to feel horrible. And I'll be mad because you didn't let me do a thing!"

Urahara didn't let go of my arm and I could feel angry tears streaming down my face. If something horrible happened to Ichigo…I couldn't just sit here. But I really couldn't do anything, because I wasn't trained. I just stood there, glaring at Urahara until he released my arm.

"I'll go see if I can contact Soul Society. See if he's there. Don't go anywhere, alright?" He was watching me.

I dropped to the floor where I was, pulling my knees up to my chest. "Right."

He sighed and walked out of the room. Once he was out, everything inside of me told me to ignore him and go search for Ichigo. But that wouldn't get me anywhere. I was feeling totally useless. I wanted to do something, and due to lack of experience, I was totally useless. I didn't make any sound, and I didn't move. I was going to do what Urahara told me, despite the fact that it felt wrong to just sit here. But I was useless. I continued to tell myself that, to keep myself from moving. It wasn't something I should be saying to myself, but it was the only way I could think of to keep myself from acting on the urgent need to go looking for Ichigo.

Urahara returned after a few minutes, looking dismayed. "He isn't in Soul Society."

I felt my body warm up slightly. If he wasn't there, he would still be here right? I wasn't entirely sure where else he could have ended up, unless he was in some sort of limbo.

"He's gotta still be here…he can't be in Hueco Muendo."

I had actually forgotten about the Hollow world they had told me about. All of the warmth that went into my body, was immediately sucked out of me. There wasn't any reason for him to get stuck there right? I couldn't have a certain answer to that. I shivered.

"He probably got held up." Urahara was heading for the door. "I'll be back." He disappeared.

I lurched to my feet, there was no way I was going to sit here. If I ran into trouble, I could use whatever Yoso had taught me in my fight against the Hollow. But I needed to knock myself out of my body. I looked around, and saw a weird glove thing lying there. I saw that, and I was sure I knew what it was. I slipped it on my hand and slammed it onto my forehead, and I went falling out of my body. I tumbled backwards and got to my feet, and I heard Yoso in my head. I wasn't sure if this was natural to be hearing my Zanpakto so much, but maybe it was just how my relationship with her was.

"This isn't a good idea." I heard her say, and my blade was humming with disapproval, I could feel it through the handle.

"I have to do something." I said to her in my mind. "You can help me right?"

"Yes." She sighed, and the disapproval slowed.

I peeked out the front door, Urahara was nowhere in sight. I slowly creeped out and started walking. If Urahara came back with no success, he'd know I left, but it would be too late to stop me by then. I kept walking.

"Not that way." Yoso suddenly said. "The shopkeeper went that way, and we can't run into him."

I turned and started moving the other way, starting to run, moving a lot faster than I would be able to in my physical body. This would help me get as far away from Urahara's shop/house pretty quickly. Yoso was on alert for Ichigo's presence. But she couldn't detect him, and my skills were too weak at detecting reiatsu, but I refused to be discouraged. I had to find him, it was dangerous what I was doing, with a lack of real training, but I had to find him. Urahara would be pissed, and I was sure Ichigo wouldn't be happy with me, but I didn't care.

I kept running, until I felt a strange, twisted reitsu and it was so heavy, I was getting pushed down. I had to stop running, and I was panting hard. What _was_ this? It felt like a Hollow's…but a mix of Soul Reaper from the experience I've had with it…what is it?!

"Keep running!" Yoso screamed at me. "You can't stop."

"I can't keep going…this pressure…it's incredible." I dropped to my hands and knees.

"Who is this? A Soul Reaper I haven't seen before." A bored sounding voice said.

I tried to turn, but every time I tried to move, nausea twisted my stomach and I had to go back to staring at the ground. Whoever this person, thing was, they were very powerful.

"You're not even worth my time, you can't withstand my reitsu. But I do have a question for you." The voice said.

I knew the voice was somewhere behind me, but obviously I couldn't turn around and check. This was terrifying, and I didn't know what I could do. But where was Ichigo.

I'm suddenly starting at a pair of dark sandals, and I start to look up, because the pressure has relented. The person I'm looking at is wearing a white uniform, similar to the black one I'm wearing, had a sword on a belt, was paler than even I was. And he had a hole at the base of his neck. I frowned and noticed a partial mask on the side of his head, with ridges on it, and he had green eyes, with these black streaks underneath that made him look emo. He had jet black hair and was staring at me, with a bored expression on his face.

"What do you want?" I managed to say.

"Hmmm you can speak now. Good." He said. "Where is Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"I don't know." I spat. "Who or what are you?"

"My name is Ulquiorra. And I'm an Arrancar."


	29. Chapter 29

I stared at Ulquiorra. What the heck was an Arrancar? I had never had this explained to me; therefore, something like this that exists confused me.

"Now." Ulquiorra said, kneeling. "You will tell me, where Ichigo Kurosaki is."

"I don't know where he is." I growled. "I went to look for him."

Then I realized, why was I telling this _thing_ what I was doing? I felt like I couldn't keep anything from him; I was _terrified_ of what he might do if I stay quiet. But if he didn't believe I was being honest, then what?

"Are you lying? I wouldn't lie if I were you." He said, his tone scaring me although it was still just bland.

"I'm not lying." I glared, wanting to stand up. But my body wasn't functioning, not listening to me. It was as if my entire body was made of lead, and it was too heavy for me to move. "What do you want with him?"

"I want my revenge. He killed me once, and he got Aizen-sama caught. I think he deserves to die." Ulquiorra said.

I wanted to scream at him, but now I couldn't speak. I was in the presence of a dangerous person and I couldn't do anything to stop him, I already knew I wasn't strong enough. But if I could, would I be able to get up, and try to stop him? Yoso told me no, as I would completely fail. I just glared at him, although I could tell he was one of those people who would be completely unaffected by any form of hatred or anger.

"You won't be able to kill him." I hissed. "He's so much better than you. I can tell that you are one of those people who just doesn't care."

"You're right. I don't care. And if you aren't useful to me, then I'll just kill you." He drew his blade, and I just watched him, refusing to let him freak me out.

As he swung the blade down, suddenly a huge one blocked his and I knew who it was.

"Sorry Saru, for worrying you. I got caught up fighting other Arrancar. I'm glad I got here in time." Ichigo said. "Can you get up?"

"No." I squeaked. "I can't."

He only looked angry. "I see." Suddenly in a blur, he moved me to a tree, a few feet away from Ulquiorra. I just watched, I was still unable to move on my own.

"Were you going to kill her?" He snapped at Ulquiorra.

"Yes. She wasn't useful to me." Ulquiorra said, as if it wasn't a big deal.

Ichigo growled. "I see."

In a blurred movement, his blade came in contact with Ulquiorra's. Ulquiorra didn't seem fazed, and he was holding his blade with one hand. I continued watching, mostly because I couldn't turn my head. Ichigo shoved hardly but he couldn't make Ulquiorra to move.

"This time, you will be completely dead." Ulquiorra said.

Ichigo didn't say anything, and they began fighting harder. What had he meant by completely dead? I didn't understand that. I didn't think I wanted to know, seeing as Ichigo was perfectly fine. I started losing track of the fighting, as they were starting to move faster. I kept staring, even as their figures blurred. At some point their fighting stopped, and Ulquiorra had some scratches, but they were mostly minor. Ichigo had more severe injuries, yet he didn't seem to out of breath.

"Ban Kai." He suddenly said.

There was a blast of bright light, and the wind went nuts, as it settled, Ichigo's blade was jet black, and thinner than it was, and his outfit was different. He had a cape like thing flaring out behind him, that had ragged edges. I had no reaction to it. I just watched, until Ichigo suddenly disappeared and reappeared behind Ulquiorra, slicing him straight down the back, getting a deeper cut. How did he do that? I had no idea. I watched blood come out of Ulquiorra's back, and saw the shock on Ulquiorra's face.

"You haven't gotten any stronger, Ulquiorra." Ichigo said, preparing to slice him again.

Ulquiorra turned around and blocked. "This won't be over, and you know that."

Ulquiorra disappeared, along with the feeling of lead-heavy limbs and the nausea. I let out a relieved sigh; I didn't know how long I'd have to sit there. Honestly, I'd been scared for him. He stood there, panting for a minute, as he and his blade returned to the previous state. He slung his blade across his back and slowly approached me, bleeding like none other. He had one eye squeezed shut because blood was running down across it. He also had a ragged cut across his chest and stomach, but they didn't seem they were as that deep.

He helped me get up onto my feet. He also helped me start walking to Urahara's in silence. Neither one of us were speaking, and I was shaking pretty badly, facing that _thing_. I wanted to know what an Arrancar was. I was a little terrified that the Ulquiorra character would be back. It's not an if. It's a when he will be back.

We reached Urahara's shop pretty quickly, and once we got there, I noticed the shopkeeper was standing there, and I could already tell he was pissed. Whether it was at me, or at Ichigo, I couldn't tell. Or maybe it was both. But when we got closer, he approached.

He glared directly at me. "I told you to stay put."

"Yeah, like I was going to listen to _you._" I snapped at him.

"You're staying in my place, so you kind of have to." He scowled.

"Maybe I'd rather be _homeless_." I spat at him.

Ichigo interceded before it got worse. "Urahara, if she hadn't gone looking for me, we wouldn't have found out that Ulquiorra is alive."

"I felt his spiritual pressure from miles away, that's why I came back." He snapped. "I already knew that she had no idea about Arrancar. And it's even worse that she had a run in with Ulquiorra." He turned his glare on me. "Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

I flinched at his hostile glare. "I was worried. I wasn't just gonna sit there and wonder. That would've been worse."

"You're lucky that you weren't killed." He snapped at me. "You're lucky Ichigo got to you in time."

"I get it." I muttered.

"Urahara you're making her feel worse." Ichigo snapped at him. "She didn't expect that to happen. So she came to look for me, so what? You can't control her."

I glared at Urahara and huffed. "And if you don't want me here, then I won't stay here."

I jerked free from Ichigo's gripped and started in a random direction, not caring that I left my physical body behind.


	30. Chapter 30

I didn't get all that far before Ichigo stopped me. I felt even more aggravated when he stopped me, and I really wanted to be alone. Normally, it wouldn't bother me that much to have somebody talk to me, but right now, I really didn't want to talk to anybody. That didn't work out much with my curiosity about what the heck an Arrancar is. I already knew that if I told Ichigo to leave me alone, he wouldn't. He obviously had experience with this Arrancar before. If he kept it from me, then I would definitely tell him to go away. I was a bit moody.

"You can't stay away from him forever. You left your body there." Ichigo said to me, grabbing my shoulders.

"I can try." I muttered.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't do that."

"What the heck did that Ulquiorra guy mean he is an Arrancar?" I snapped at him. "How come I was never told about this?"

He sighed and released my shoulders. "I'm sorry. I thought that problem was gone, that's why I never said anything about it. If I would've thought that Ulquiorra wasn't dead—although I swore I killed him—I would have told you."

I took a couple steps back. "Even if the problem was gone, you _still_ should have told me. You can't keep doing this where you don't tell me stuff if you feel like it doesn't affect me."

He reached towards me but I recoiled from his hand. I was still upset. "Saru, I didn't know that you felt like that."

"You should have asked me." I snapped at him, feeling hurt. "You should have said something, or asked me."

"This is an overreaction Saru. I haven't kept _that_ much from you." He snapped.

"You've kept enough from me!" I shouted. "I don't care if it wasn't that much! It was enough!" I was getting angrier and angrier. "You didn't tell me the thing about the Vizards, and now you haven't told me about these stupid Arrancar thing!"

"Saru!" Now he looked mad. "I would explain stuff to you, I've just been waiting! Why don't you understand?"

"Why don't you understand that you shouldn't wait to tell me things!" I took a few more steps back.

He glared at me, then took a few deep breaths and sighed. "I'm sorry. Really."

I just huffed angrily. "Right. Whatever."

"Look, I'll explain. Can you just calm down?" He still looked frustrated, but sounded a lot calmer than I actually felt.

"No, I can't." I growled.

I was about ready to walk off again, but I already knew if I did, he would stop me again. I wanted to be alone more than anything right now, but with the whole incident with Ulquiorra, I doubt I'll be allowed to go anywhere by myself. That was a little frustrating, but it didn't matter, I couldn't do anything to change it. I glared at him, still feeling hurt that he kept stuff from me, although it wasn't much. He didn't approach me, and he didn't back away. We were basically having a stand-off. I felt anger and betrayal radiating from my blade. I ignored it, although it was affecting my mood a little bit. I blinked, saw Yoso's angered face, and then I was back in reality. Yoso and I seemed to be bound to each other ever since the Hollow fight. I didn't understand how that worked, but I didn't want to ask, because I was afraid that he would say that it wasn't possible and that I was just making it up.

We stood there for a few more minutes, before I could completely ignore Yoso's rage, and calm myself down at the same time. I didn't get closer to Ichigo, but my glare turned into just a stare, and I relaxed slightly. I was ready for an explanation, and it was easy to tell that I was, now that I calmed myself down. I realized I was standing in a defensive position, so I let my arms fall to my side, and I just waited patiently.

"Are you calm now?" He asked.

I slowly nodded, not wanting to speak, I wasn't sure if I sounded calm or not. He hesitated, didn't get any closer to me, but he did explain it; he even explained what Ulquiorra meant by his comment. I felt my eyes go wide, and I stared at him for what seemed like ages. I wasn't processing what he said. I finally just let it all sink in, and I finally stepped forward, my hands hanging limply; I wished I had pockets in this outfit.

"Sorry." I muttered.

"It's alright." He rubbed my shoulder. "Really, I know how you're feeling right now. Let's just go back, and see if we can get Urahara to apologize, alright?"

I nodded and we held hands as we walked back to Urahara's shop. We were silent; I was unable to comment about anything he said. I didn't understand how he was still here, after his original fight with Ulquiorra where his Hollow defeated him. But it made a fact obviously clear to me; the Hollow would never completely go away. With all the training in the world, it wouldn't ever matter, I would always have to deal with her. The question is, how did Ichigo deal with his? I wanted to ask, but it would probably involve bringing Yoso and I's deep, and new, found connection. If that was normal, then I didn't need to worry, but if it wasn't, then I would really be freaking out. I wasn't ready for that, so I decided that I would bring it up later.

As we got back, Urahara was nowhere to be seen, which allowed me to breathe easier, except the fact that he was probably inside. I sighed; I really didn't want to go inside if he was in there, I just knew I had to go in there to get back into my body. Ichigo must've realized how tensed up I had gotten, because he squeezed my hand, in a reassuring way. If he was in there, I would only go in there, get in my body, and get back out again. But when we went inside, I couldn't' find my body. Anywhere. And Urahara was standing there smirking.

"What did you do with my body?" I snapped at him.

"I'll give it back…after…." He suddenly trailed off.

"After what?"

"After training."


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: I wasn't really sure if what I explained in a part of this was something that occurred in the actual manga/anime or not, so I just made up an explanation, I based off from what I knew of physical manifestations of the blade, and of communication with a blade's spirit. My bad if I'm a little inaccurate. Try to enjoy it anyways, as this is my own little world and some details are probably going to be altered later on anyways. **

I stared at him for a minute. He was going to force me to train, even after all of that? I scowled even though I knew it was probably a good idea; I did need to train, but now he could force me to train for any amount of time, if I wanted to get my body back. I wasn't in the mood to be dealing with this sort of thing, but I was going to have to do what he said, in order to get my body back again. The thing that annoyed me most that he went to the trouble to hide it, just to get me to train. He could've just asked me and I probably would've said yes, despite the annoyed mood I was in. It didn't matter now, he already had hid it.

"You didn't really have to do that. I would have trained anyways." I snapped at him.

"I figured you would say something like that, but I hid it anyways, just as an incentive." He said. "Also, if it seems like you aren't trying, then I won't give it back."

"That's stupid!" I shouted. "You're a lot stronger than me, so it won't seem like I'm trying to you!"

I had pulled my hand free from Ichigo's at that point, and had my arms folded, scowling. This was ridiculous. He had taken extreme lengths to make absolutely sure that I would train properly. Then something told me that now was a good time to tell them about the whole thing between Yoso and I. I didn't want Urahara to know, but it was for petty reasons, so I knew I'd have to tell him as well as Ichigo. But was now really the best time? Yoso was now pressing me to say something, I could feel the urgent need radiating from my blade, it was strong, and nearly overwhelming. Ichigo frowned, and his eyes fixed on my blade in its sheath. Urahara was looking at it as well.

"I can sense something coming very strongly off of your blade." Ichigo said.

So they couldn't identify what it was, but they could feel something. "She's being very…vocal. She taught me things, when I was fighting the Hollow. It was as if we were one person. It still feels like we are sometimes." I put my hand on Yoso's hilt and I felt her pleasure radiate through my body.

"That is interesting. My Hollow and Zangetsu were one person basically, because they were both my power. But it's as if you completely separated the Hollow and your blade's spirits completely and merged with her." Ichigo said, surprise on his face.

"I've heard of that very rarely occurring. That's just with normal Soul Reapers who don't have an awakened Hollow spirit. I know of communications with blade's spirits, where you can feel certain emotions coming from ones blade when the blades come in contact with each other, and normally you can only contact your blade's spirit while inside your mind, but what it sounds like, you've set it up, somehow, so she can communicate with you all the time, rather than when you want to speak to her, or if you were to say, physically manifest her. She has her own voice, that you can't really ignore. You've become one with your blade in a complete sense, which, when these rare occurrences happen, usually can only happen with a highly trained Soul Reaper of a _captain_'s level." Urahara sounded awestruck. "Which means, even in your head, she can merge into your spirit, or separate, but is not a part of the Hollow in any way. Your blade has completely accepted you."

I stared at him for a long minute. I didn't even understand what he meant. So Yoso and I had combined our powers, or are we just like one being, that can separate in to two when necessity arises? I wasn't entirely sure what this meant for training, but I knew one thing for sure; it would be easier to suppress my inner Hollow. I felt joy, that was joined by Yoso's exultation. I realized that she had already known all this, she just was waiting for an outside explanation or for me to figure it out.

"This just means that your training can be more advanced." Ichigo said to me then looked at Urahara. "Right? Because her blade's spirit helped her in the fight against her Hollow, taught her?"

Urahara nodded. "Yes, that is what it means. It also means you could achieve Ban Kai pretty fast, since your blade's spirit is less…distrusting and more willing to teach you. It usually takes Soul Reapers a _long long_ time to either learn why their blades won't give them some information, or finally become like one being in the complete sense with it. Most Soul Reapers don't even bother to achieve it, or just don't know about it." Then he started to the ladder. "Soul Society doesn't need to know about this either. Come, let's start training."

I was feeling a lot more confident now that I knew what Yoso and I's forged connection meant. What I didn't understand was, how we seemed to be so easily trusting of each other in the beginning, and more reliant on her teaching, rather than just taking her power and wielding a small portion. Yoso was telling me that's what most Soul Reapers did and that's why they never form a completed bond with them, enough for them to reach Ban Kai release in under ten years. Yoso already knew about how Ichigo achieved Ban Kai, although heaven knows how she learned that. Apparently he was actually really close to forming a complete bond with his Zanpakuto, which was why he was capable of achieving Ban Kai as fast as he did. All Zanpakuto wanted to form a bond with the one who wielded them, a complete one, but because of ignorance of the Zanpakuto soul's real purpose, although I didn't have much of an idea myself, I just was learning as I went, the Zanpakuto then chose to distance themselves, only allowing the bond to become strong enough to get them to fight alongside them, rather than totally relying on them to allow them to totally use their power. A lot barely got to fully understand their Zanpakuto, and therefore, that's why some of the Zanpakuto disliked their wielders, and didn't allow them to know some of their secrets.

This made me wonder, if Ichigo was close to this sort of bond with his, then why had he never reached it? I pondered this as I made my way down the ladder to start training.


	32. Chapter 32

Once I reached the bottom of the ladder, I noticed that Urahara was standing off to the side, rather than facing off with me. I frowned, if it was advanced training, who was I supposed to train with? The answer came to me once Ichigo finally got downstairs after closing the trap door. I watched him, not sure if I'd rather fight Urahara. I felt like I had more of a chance against Urahara. Yoso was all for fighting Ichigo though. She wanted to get an analysis of Zangetsu, so she could understand his relationship with Ichigo. Yoso's curiosity would one day get the best of her, but it didn't matter that much right now, as she deserved to see, deserved to try to understand why we had bonded so easily, compared to most. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know that badly, but Yoso's yearning made it impossible to spark my own. I was getting annoyed that her emotions influenced mine so easily. I repressed it, growing angry with her. I can see why usually captain levels only deal with it. They're probably ready to deal with the mixing emotions. It also explains the extreme rarity of something like our relationship occurring. I shook my head to clear it; I would sort all of this out later, and get these emotions sorted and maybe figure out how to prevent her emotions from affecting mine in the long run.

Ichigo was watching me and I realized that I was frowning at the ground. "You alright?"

I looked up at him. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He frowned, but didn't say anything as he pulled his blade off of his back. I unsheathed Yoso, not willing to put her into Shi kai, mostly since that form is for long range attacks. Yoso's excitement was overwhelming but I shoved her back, told her to stop, and she eased up, realizing that she was stressing me out. I held the blade up, and barely blocked as Ichigo brought Zangetsu crashing down against my blade. I dug my feet into the ground, gritted my teeth, and twisted the blade, forcing the sharp edge underneath his blade and I shoved up, and he pulled his blade away. I charged him this time, swinging in a hard side swing, that he blocked easily and forced me backwards. I scowled and yanked my blade away, Yoso's energy was buzzing loudly, causing my vision to blur. This bond between us could really inconvenience me if she kept this up. I pushed her away, so that way there was a little bit of a barrier between us. She got angry and very nearly disappeared all together, but then she cooled down and just stayed where she was. It helped. I ended up getting knocked flat on my back after sparring with Ichigo for a few minutes. I was able to get up, and eventually Yoso started urging me to release her, she could show me how to be more careful with the attacks.

I did release her sealed form, and stood there, waiting for Yoso to say something. She was basically instincts to me now, that's how she was working. She wasn't a visual I could see in my head right now, she wedged her way into my instincts, which allowed me to fight easier. Who knew how this worked for others, but this was probably good for me. Without having to think about it, I leaped out of the way when he charged at me, and only sent a small strip of electricity at him, which was easily controllable, so if I needed to, I could whip it back and prevent it from hitting him. Even this little thing could probably give him a good 3rd degree burn, if not anything worse. He spun around quickly enough to block it, and once he did, there was a sudden bright flash of light in my eyes, and the room spun violently, and I fell on my back, my body spasming. I had no idea what had happened, no idea what was going on, but it hurt and it hurt _bad._

I felt nothing but raw pain ripping through my body. The electricity hadn't hit me; it had rebounded and went into the floor. But this pain had started the minute the electricity touched his blade. I had no idea what it meant, but I was scared out of my mind.

"Saru what happened?!" Ichigo was suddenly kneeling beside me.

I could hardly see him, now black dots were filling my vision. My body was still violently jerking, each jerk sending a stream of pain through my body. Yoso had retreated—she was still in my mind, but far away from where she originally was. Was it her fault? I couldn't put the blame on her, I blamed my electric reitsu. I probably lost control of it. I had to find out what was going on—this pain was something I hadn't felt before.

I felt Ichigo's hand on my face, and that's when I lost consciousness.

_I was in my world again, in pain, on the ground. The Hollow had recovered and attacked me while I was training. Yoso hadn't even seen her coming—she was too absorbed in the fight. Now she was keeping the Hollow away from me, while I was trying to move. She'd hit me with electricity directly in the back, probably where there were a bunch of nerves, and did it hard. The Hollow was backing off, loathing in her face as she retreated to wherever she hides._

_ I still couldn't move. I couldn't function. I was only in this world long enough to see that the Hollow had surprise attacked me. Then blackness swallowed me again. _

I regained consciousness, and I was back in my body, lying on my stomach, on the mat I normally sleep on, with my shirt pulled up. I caught a glimpse of Isshin, and then my back was on fire.

I bit down hard on my pillow so I wouldn't scream, my hands clenched into fists. The fire in my back flared all the way into my shoulders and into my lower back. How much damage had she done? Enough to cause my spirit body to seizure. Enough for the effects on my physical body to hurt me nearly as bad.

I felt tears streaming down my face and felt someone touch my back and this time I couldn't hold back a scream of pain, releasing the pillow. There was talking and then I felt someone's hand on my head, turning it sideways so one side was lying down on the pillow, rather than lying face down. It was Ichigo, and he looked upset. I felt someone touch my again and I clenched my teeth, refusing to scream, but it hurt like no other pain I have felt in my life.

"What happened? You started seizuring, and then stopped moving, and when we got you back in your body, you have blood all over your back, and massive burns. You're muscle is exposed in some places." Ichigo sounded even more upset than he looked.

" The Hollow—she surprise attacked me." I told him in a weak voice. "While we were training. I don't know why it happened at the same time the lightning attack hit your blade, but she hit me directly with a massive blast of electricity."

He stroked my face and I just watched him, unable to say anything, tears still streaming down my face. I thought I was stronger than _her_. Maybe if Yoso and I hadn't been so engrossed fighting together, we wouldn't have gotten caught off guard so easily. Yoso wasn't communicating, but it was probably because I was in my physical body. Her presence was much fainter when I was. I just lied there and heard Isshin mutter.

"I have to put some stuff on. It's going to hurt really bad." He said.

I felt an instant flare up of agonizing pain and I bit down on the pillow.


	33. Chapter 33

I ended up blacking out while he was still applying burn medicine (I believe it was) to my back. The pain had ended up being way too much for me to handle. Before I had blacked out, I had asked why that one girl couldn't heal me again, and it turns out, she was out of town for a while. Once I regained consciousness, I realized I was no longer in Urahara's shop, but somewhere else, on a couch, in a house I didn't recognize. I was lying on my stomach, and judging from shifting slightly, I was bandaged. The pain was numbed, and I was feeling a little…off. I must have pain medicine in my system. That was best, except everything always got confusing and weird to me whenever I'm on it. I hallucinate sometimes too. I don't remember the last time I was on pain medicine, but I don't think it was a pleasant time.

Ichigo walked into the room, saw that I was awake, and came and crouched next to the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"Funny." My voice sounded a little slurred, as if I was drunk. "I'm on pain medicine, aren't I?"

He smiled slightly. "Yeah."

I made a sound that was supposed to be a groan, but I couldn't honestly tell what the heck it was; it was in-between a gurgle, and a growl. Pain medicine was _really_ making me weird. I must have a lot in my system to be making me feel all out of whack. "I hate pain medicine."

He laughed. "I can see why."

"Yeah, I get a little messed up." I yawned. "Where I am?"

"My house. My dad and I brought you here since it'd be easier to keep an eye on the injury."

"I see." I sighed, feeling totally out of it. I hated this feeling. I wish I didn't have so much medicine in my system. But maybe I needed it. I didn't really know.

"You don't look too great." He said with a frown.

"I'm not in any pain….though I feel really funny. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be drunk." I said, without really thinking about it.

Ichigo snorted, and then started laughing. I didn't really know if I should start laughing too. I wondered if the fuzzy thoughts and funny feeling, that I had no idea how to describe, was something a drunk person dealt with. Why was I wondering about that? I cleared those thoughts from my head and just listened to Ichigo laugh, although it was short lived, and then I just stared at his face. The worry and concern returned after the short laughter. I didn't say anything right away; I just stared at his face, glad that he was here. If he wasn't here, I might have lost my mind, maybe have hallucinations. I didn't know what would happen. I just hoped maybe he could keep me sane while I was looped up on the pain medicine. I wasn't really sure.

I reached for his hand, although it hurt my shoulder to move my arm that wasn't pinned to the side of the couch, and he gently took my hand, as if afraid he was going to hurt it. I knew he had a reason to feel that way, but to me, it just seemed kind of stupid that he was being overly gentle about it. Maybe the pain medicine was just making me read into this weird. I wasn't entirely sure what was going on in my head. Then I noticed a blanket on me. How long was that there? I wasn't going to ask; it was there the entire time most likely, and I had just been beyond noticing it.

"I'll be fine." I said, still slurring my words, which was really annoying me.

"I know…I just worry that the Hollow is going to try to take over next time you are out of your body." He frowned. "It seemed she recovered as fast as you had."

I sighed and yawned again. "Of course she did. She's a part of me."

Ichigo didn't say anything, and his dad suddenly appeared, and I wasn't sure where he came from. He moved the blanket off of me and I shivered. He moved my shirt up and checked the bandages.

"I have to change them. Again." He said.

Ichigo sighed and released my hand and I pulled it back to my side. I already knew that this was going to hurt, because the blood that was on these bandages probably got them a little stuck to my skin. I gritted my teeth and I felt him slowly start to peel them off, and it took everything in me not to react. I may have pain medicine in my system, but this still hurt. I wonder how badly it would have hurt if I didn't have any medicine in my system? I was really glad for the medicine in my system, despite it probably being too much, hence why I felt so weird.

He continued peeling the bandages off, and several times I winced in pain. Once the bandages were gone, I felt how cold the outside air on my back was, and it felt really good. I wondered how bad the injuries still were

"They got infected." Isshin sounded frustrated. "Really bad."

Ichigo stood up and looked and then jerked away. "Is she gonna get sick?"

"Well, yeah, her body is going to be fighting the infection. The most we can do is put anti bacterial on it, and continue giving her medicine." Isshin said.

Ichigo made a sound of frustration. "If Orihime was in town, she wouldn't have to get sick before she gets better."

It was getting a little annoying, having them talk as if I wasn't there. But I didn't want to open my mouth as my back was starting to really hurt again. I unintentionally let a groan slip; the medicine must've been wearing off. The pain was starting to become a burning. I hissed at that and clenched my teeth. Ichigo was watching my face, and then he kneeled and touched my face gently. It seemed he knew better than to ask if I was okay, when I clearly wasn't. I heard Isshin sigh and say something, but I couldn't make it out, he was talking too low for me to hear him. I just laid there, and waited for the pain to lower a little, but it only seemed to slowly start to amplify. I groaned again and my muscles went rigid, as if to fight off the pain. Isshin left the room, and Ichigo held my hand with his open hand, the other one still on my face.

"My dad went to go get more pain medicine. He'll probably end up putting you under while he assesses the infections." He sighed.

I nodded. "Makes sense." I whispered.

Isshin came back with a needle with a clear liquid in it. Without a word, he put it into the crook of my elbow, then depressed the plunger, sending the liquid into my system. After about five minutes, I began to feel drowsy and the pain began to numb. My lids were getting too heavy to hold open, and I passed out after staring at Ichigo's face for a few seconds.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Tangled and Despicable Me are movies that I'm referring to if for some reason some of you don't know what they are. And there may be a little break from all the pain and anger and what not for a few chapters. I think it's time that they had their own little bubble of happiness! Tell me what you all think! Thanks much!**

For a few days, I spent most of my time sleeping, or talking to Ichigo, which I couldn't remember what we talked about, which was probably because I was looped up on pain medicine for those times. At first, we believed that my body managed to prevent the infections from making me sick, but after a few days, the infection actually worsened, and I did end up getting sick. It started with minor shivers for the most part, then I couldn't keep any food down, and due to being sick, I could hardly feel the pain, which was good. I couldn't keep any pills down which I needed to help with healing, and the anti bacterial couldn't be applied while the pus was draining, which Isshin did a day or two after I first got sick and it was clear that the infection wouldn't clear up without draining it. It didn't hurt all that bad, probably from a combination of the pain numbing medicine that was injected, and the fact I was sick. Ichigo stayed by my side while the infection was being drained, but it was easy to tell he didn't want to see it.

After the draining was done, nausea rolled in my stomach, and Ichigo held the bowl up to where I could lean over and throw up, while he looked away. He didn't like throw up and I can't say I blame him. I hated it more than anything, and it was a weird feeling, as this was the first time in a long time I was sick like this. It wasn't even a legit illness. I'd gotten it from an infection. I was a little embarrassed, but it wasn't my fault. After I managed to empty my stomach, although at this point all it was stomach acid, I fell back asleep.

After at least three days of this, I was finally done being sick, and the infection had cleared up and my body had begun healing. Training was completely off limits for the time being, so once I was healed up, we had to find something to do while I was still re-cooperating. Eventually, we decided on just staying at his house and watching a movie with his family. While I was sick, unfortunately, is when I had met his sisters, but now that I wasn't so sick, they appeared to like to hang around me a little more.

I wasn't sure what movie we were watching. I was just curled up on the couch, with my feet tucked up against myself, laying against Ichigo. I was fine with relaxing, although I knew I needed to start working my muscles, as I had weakened while I was sick. It made sense, of course, but I hated the feeling.

Karin and Yuzu, Ichigo's sisters, were fighting over what movie to watch. I was really beginning to believe that it wasn't a good idea to let his sisters pick the movie. But apparently he didn't mind. So we just sat there and listened to his sister's bicker about if they should watch Despicable Me or Tangled. Ichigo didn't care either way, and I didn't either, I liked both movies. It'd be interesting to see if Ichigo had any interest in Tangled though…

They finally agreed on Despicable Me; due to Ichigo finally saying something. They began putting the movie in.

"Do you have a problem with Tangled?" I teased him.

He looked at me with a smirk. "Not at all. I just like Despicable Me much better."

I snorted and rolled my eyes at him. "Everybody seems like they do. But I like Tangled better."

He laughed. "Despicable Me is a lot more fun."

"More fun?"

He shrugged. "There's an evil villain and…" He trailed off trying to think and I started laughing.

"Not a good reason." I smirked at him.

He looked flustered for about two seconds, and then he just smirked again. "Do I have to have a good reason?"

I shrugged. "Yes, yes you do."

Suddenly Karin and Yuzu turned around from where they were both sitting on the floor. Yuzu was the one who spoke. "You should probably be quiet now, the movie is starting."

I lapsed into silence, scooting closer to Ichigo. His arm tightened around me, it hurt slightly, but not as badly, since the injuries were healed for the most part. I rested my head on his shoulder, as the movie started, my eyelids got heavy. This happened a lot whenever I watched movies in a house. I yawned, quietly thank goodness, and I let my eyes slip closed.

When I woke up, it was dark outside, and the movie was long over, and Ichigo was napping himself. I wondered when he'd fallen asleep. Probably while we were watching the movie, like I had, although I had fallen asleep right when it had started. I yawned, and stretched my legs out to the end of the couch, and stretched my arms out, unintentionally knocking Ichigo's arm off of me. He didn't seem to notice, which was probably good. I didn't want to wake him up. I noticed I was lying on his other arm, and he probably would notice if I got up. I was half-tempted to get up, to see if he would wake up, when I heard a him yawning.

I looked up at his face. His eyes were only half open, and he didn't look awake. I smiled, that expression was a little funny to me, and if I was being honest, cute.

"When did you fall asleep?" I asked.

"About a half hour after you did." He yawned again. "Do you know what time it is?"

"No, but it's dark outside."

"It's probably pretty late then, everyone else is probably upstairs asleep." He rubbed his eyes, and I sat up.

I stood up, and swayed a little as the room spun from dizziness, I had stood up too fast. I wandered into the kitchen to check the time. I saw a clock, and I nearly busted up laughing. We must've been tired; it was 3 in the morning.

I slowly walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Ichigo had sat up, and was still looking like he was not entirely awake. It was probably a good thing; he'd be able to fall back asleep pretty fast. We were awake at a ridiculous hour. I was still too tired to be entirely awake; I wanted to sleep again, especially after seeing the time.

"It's 3 am." I said to Ichigo, as I sat next to him.

He blinked at me. "Are you serious?"

I nodded, biting my lip to prevent myself from laughing. I typically laughed pretty loudly, and I didn't want to wake his family up. I was pretty surprised that Isshin hadn't tried to wake us up. Then I realized he might have tried, but we were both sleeping so heavily that his effort was futile. When it came to Isshin, I really didn't have any idea.

"I think I want to go back to sleep." He yawned and laid back down.

I laid back down next to him, using his arm as a pillow again. He pulled a blanket down over me, and then wrapped that arm around me, and yawned loudly for the umpteenth time.

"Night." He mumbled.

"Night." I finally yawned and then fell asleep.


	35. Chapter 35

When I woke up again, it was barely getting light outside. I repressed a groan, seeing as I didn't get more than about three hours, more or less, of sleep. I turned my head to see Ichigo was already awake, and was just laying his head back, staring at the ceiling. I suddenly yawned, and he turned his head to look at me.

"Morning." He said.

I smirked. "Morning."

"It seems we didn't get more than about three hours of sleep." He snorted.

"Yeah, I know." I sighed, irritated. I really wanted more sleep.

Before he could say anything else, he yawned, rather loudly. I very nearly started laughing, although I wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe I was just losing my mind. I couldn't say it was from lack of sleep, I was pretty sure I had gotten plenty of it. Ichigo looked like he was about to fall asleep again, with the way his eyelids drooped. I could easily tell he was trying to stay awake, for me probably, but I didn't want him to be tired all day; he'd be grumpy if he was. I just watched his face; it was a little amusing how he was fighting to stay awake. Which was ironic, I just woke up, he's been up for a while, and _he_ is the one struggling to stay awake. I watched as his eyes did eventually slip closed and his head dropped back onto the arm of the couch, and he was sleeping again. I lay my head back down on his outstretched arm that I had already been using for a pillow, and just stared at the far wall. I didn't have anything better to do, as I couldn't get up with Ichigo's arm still around me.

I wasn't sure when I could get up, but I didn't care. I liked lying here with Ichigo, although who knows what his family thinks. But it didn't matter to me right now, I was warm and safe, and I hadn't left my body in days, which made me wonder what would happen if I did. I repressed that thought; I was taking a break from all of that, which meant I didn't need to sit here and think about it while I was waiting for Ichigo to wake back up. I should've gone back to sleep, that would prevent me from having any negative thoughts. But now I was completely awake, which wasn't surprising considering I was always an early bird before. Then I realized that we hadn't gone to school in a while…when were we planning on going back? I had to wait for him to wake up to ask.

It was at least nine when any activity in the house started, and it was Isshin, so I pretended I was still sleeping, and I heard him thump out into the kitchen. I didn't open my eyes back up because I heard thumping of footsteps down the stairs and going into the kitchen. It had to be Ichigo's sisters. Then I heard another thump of footsteps.

"Ichigo, you gotta get up, dad got a call from the school about your lack of attendance." It was Karin.

I let my eyes open and I heard Ichigo groan. "Alright I'm getting up."

"They mentioned hers too, by the way, since they weren't sure who they were supposed to tell."

"I got it Karin. I'll be in the kitchen in a second."

Karin stomped away and I slowly sat up. I stretched my arms and looked at Ichigo. "What day is it?"

"Saturday, I think." He said and then yawned.

"I need to get a change of clothes. And a shower." I frowned.

"We'll get that figured out, but for now, we may have to have you stay at Urahara's again. I know he's got clothes for you…" He trailed off, biting his lip.

"Why on earth does he have girls clothes?" I asked, creeped out.

He shrugged. "He's Urahara so who knows."

I snorted. "That figures."

Ichigo stood up, stretched, and walked out to the kitchen. I wasn't entirely sure what else to do, so I followed him. His dad was leaning against one of the counters, with his arms crossed. He didn't look mad, but it was hard to tell what he was feeling. For once his face was unreadable. I had forgotten the existence of school after injuries the first time. I was supposed to go back after that, but for some reason, we just never had. I guess in the face of these events, school wasn't important and had gotten pushed into the back of my mind. I didn't want to go.

Ichigo started talking to his dad in a low voice about the school thing, I assume, and he gestured to me a few times. I still just stood there, feeling kind of awkward I started to back out of the kitchen but stopped when Isshin looked at me. I didn't say anything, but I stopped moving, as if he had verbally told me to stop. He looked at me for a few extra seconds, then his eyes drifted to Ichigo. They continued talking and I backed out of the room without them noticing and wandered back to the couch and sat down. Yuzu and Karin went upstairs and back down several times and then went into the kitchen and stayed there. I didn't move from my spot. I didn't want to move, I just wanted to get cleaned up, and get this whole school thing cleared up. I already knew that I had to go back, no matter how much I really didn't want to.

Ichigo came back out to the living room a few minutes later and sat down next to me, and seemed to be controlling his expression on purpose.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Well, my dad was a little annoyed, but not too annoyed, that I've been skipping out on so much school. He didn't know why the school told him this, but he said you're welcome to stay here because we have a spare bedroom, luckily. The only issue now is clothes." He said it flat toned.

"Okay?"

"Maybe Orihime is back, she could take you shopping." He stood up. "I'll go call."

"Okay." I said and he walked out.

I buried my face in a pillow to hide a stupid smile off of my face. I got to stay with Ichigo. That was probably one of the best things that happened to me yet.


	36. Chapter 36

Ichigo came back into the room after a few minutes of being in the kitchen. I took that to be a good sign, that Orihime had answered, and judging from the satisfied expression on his face, that confirmed my suspicion.

"She'll be coming in about an hour. You don't have money though, do you?"

I shook my head; all the money I had was gone, it had been in my home when the hollow went and destroyed it looking for me. I assumed that the money was completely destroyed as well. Money didn't really matter to me anyways, I just figured I wouldn't need to buy anything, although I knew how bad it was to be relying on others. It wasn't my fault though; it was the whole Hollow issue that put me in this position. I realized that I hated not contributing to anything where I had to stay, but again, that wasn't something that I brought on myself.

Ichigo sighed. "I see."

I nodded and I started to feel bad because I was being so dependent on others lately. I was justifying it by telling myself that it wasn't my fault I was in this mess where I couldn't support myself, but it wasn't right to keep doing that. I didn't want to keep having my thoughts cloud up in my mind, and bring me down, so I shoved them into the recesses of my mind where I could think about them later.

Ichigo suddenly reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and handed me some money. At first, I just stared at it because I didn't want to take it. But then Ichigo shoved it into my handed and closed my hand over it, shoving his wallet back into his pocket before I could say anything.

He stood up. "I'm going to go get cleaned up, and ready for the day. Orihime might be here before I get done." He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Have a good time alright?"

I nodded and he went up the stairs and was gone. I just sat there, with the money in my hands, wishing I would have thanked him. For some reason though I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth. I just sat on the couch quietly for a while, waiting for the time to pass. It ticked by slowly, but then after a while I heard a knock on the door and I stood up. I went and opened the door and that girl that had healed me once was standing there, her reddish-orange hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing black converse jeans and a plain white tee.

"Are you ready to go?" She asked me.

I nodded, shoving the money into my pocket, I walked out the door. We were walking in silence for the first few minutes, which was awkward since I didn't really know Orihime all that well, before we started talking.

"I'm glad that Kurosaki-kun asked me to take you shopping. I don't usually do that, because my friend Tatsuki hates it." She said.

I felt a little awkward, but I responded. "I'm glad you could go. I don't have anything."

"Not even any school uniforms?"

"Nope, because I haven't been going…" I trailed off.

"You guys are going to start going again right?" She looked at me.

"Yeah, Ichigo I think kinda got in trouble with his dad. I guess you could say it like that."

Orihime smiled. "His dad isn't one that normally gets angry."

"He didn't really seem angry." I shrugged. "I just don't think he liked that we kept skipping."

The half-truth flowed through my lips effortlessly, and my stomach twisted, as if it were a lie. It was true that we'd been skipping, but it wasn't intentional, and there was a lot more to it.

"You should see him when it comes to Yuzu and Karin though. He gets all sorts of huffy with them." She laughed.

I smirked. "That makes sense."

We fell into silence again, and my smile slowly faded from my face. I wished I could tell her everything we had been doing, but I didn't know if I was allowed to, despite her knowing about Soul Reapers and Hollows. So I just kept my mouth shut. It was a little annoying, not being able to really freely talk about it, but at the same time it might be better that way. I didn't really know.

We walked for a while in this silence. We came to downtown, with the cluster of buildings, high and low, and cars running up and down the street, and sidewalks cluttered with people shopping. I felt a little claustrophobic, as I wasn't really a fan of overcrowded cities.

"It's not normally like this but since it's Saturday it might be a little busy." Orihime shrugged.

"It's alright." I said.

We walked until we found a store that sold school uniforms, and once we found my correct size, we bought some of those. After that, we went to a normal store and got me pajamas, extra shoes, several outfits, socks, and everything else I would need. We got it all done at around 2 pm. By then my stomach was snarling, as I was starving. But we had both spent all the money we had, so we had no choice but to walk back to Ichigo's so I could eat there.

We took a little longer to walk back, mostly because it was hard to walk very fast with all of the bags we had, and I was hungry so I didn't have much energy to be walking. Once we did get to his house, Orihime helped me up to the spare room, which was next to Ichigo's and helped me pack all of the clothes and things away into drawers and the closet. Then, after a brief thank you and a hug she left. Ichigo entered the room not too long after Orihime left, and I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring out the window.

"All settled in now?" He asked, sitting next to me.

I turned to look at him. "Yep."

He smiled. "Good."

My hand found his and I held it for a while, being quiet, as I didn't have much to say to him. He didn't seem to mind and after a bit I rested my head on his shoulder, content with just sitting like that forever. It wasn't going to last long though, as Isshin had opened the door and peeked his head in.

"Lunch is ready." He said.

"Alright." Ichigo responded and the door closed.

We got up and headed downstairs to eat.


	37. Chapter 37

It turns out, we were having sandwiches for lunch, just easy, peanut butter and jelly, as Yuzu was too tired to cook anything, and Isshin burned most things he actually made. We had eaten in silence, and then went out for a walk, enjoying the sunshine, and were walking towards the park, not saying anything, just enjoying each other's company. Then I heard a shout as we walked near the park and a soccer ball came flying past, narrowly missing my head. I flinched when that did and stopped walking. Ichigo frowned and looked in the direction the soccer ball came from. I turned my head as well, to see a group of kids and one of them, a girl with black spiky hair came running towards us.

"Sorry about that Ichigo." She said, once she returned with the ball, tucked under her arm. "I think I kicked it a little too hard."

"It's alright Tatsuki, really. But I'm not the one you nearly hit in the head." He smirked.

The girl, Tatsuki, looked at me. "Sorry about that…umm…"

"Saru." I said quickly. "And it's alright."

I watched her eyes zero in on Ichigo and I's linked hands and her eyes shot to Ichigo's face, questioningly. He shook his head slightly at her, and she shrugged, like it didn't matter. But I could see the curiousity in her face and she looked at me again, then back to Ichigo.

"I'll actually see you at school, right?" She asked him.

"Yeah, we'll be coming on Monday." He responded rather bluntly.

"Good." She nodded and then ran back to her game; throwing the soccer ball hard to the other people she was playing with. I watched for a moment, and then just looked at Ichigo, waiting for him to do something. Then he tugged on my hand and we kept walking. I wasn't sure where we were going, if we were going anywhere in particular, but I didn't really care. Just as long as we could spend some more peaceful time together. I already knew that somehow something would come along and screw everything up. It just hadn't happened yet. So I was just waiting for it, although that wasn't something I should be doing. I needed to relax, just enjoy the nice weather…

Ichigo's pocket suddenly started buzzing loudly. He frowned and released my hand, pulled his phone out of his pocket, and answered it. "Hello?"

There was yelling on the other end of the phone. I couldn't make out who it was, but Ichigo was holding the phone slightly away from his ear and he was scowling.

"Calm down Rukia." He said, pushing the phone back to his ear. "I already knew about that. Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

There's no yelling this time, but Ichigo's face was dead serious, almost solemn. "I see. We'll head back right now." He hung up and shoved the phone back in his pocket. "We have to get back to my house. Now."

"Why?" I frowned.

Ichigo began speed walking back to his house, practically dragging me, he didn't say a word. It made me wonder what was going on. But his face was tense with anger, and I thought I caught a glimpse of fear as well. It had to be something bad to make Ichigo look this way. I felt my entire body go cold inside, and it didn't feel like it was me making my body walk. I was beginning to freak out, because of the look on Ichigo's face. We continued walking quickly back towards his house. His hard grip on my hand was starting to hurt, but I didn't say anything. We quickly reached his house and went inside; there was a dark haired girl, who I assumed was Rukia pacing the length of the living room. She looked at Ichigo.

"I already told your dad. He took your sisters out of the house to do something outside city limits. I don't remember what he said." She told him.

Ichigo scowled, releasing me. "What's going on that my sisters had to be taken out of the house?"

"The Arrancar. They've become more active and Renji deduced that they're after someone here." The girl looked at me. "Who're you? I can sense spiritual pressure and hollow pressure coming off of you."

"This is Saru. She has…control issues with her inner hollow."

"She got her powers because of Urahara didn't she?"

He nodded tensely. "Yes."

Rukia frowned and stared at me, and started her agitated pacing again. She continued looking at me, frowning. Ichigo looked confused and then blinked.

"Do you think they're after her?" He suddenly asked.

"It's possible; she's emitting a really strong mix of Soul Reaper and Hollow pressure. It's so hard to tell it apart its twisting together."

"Isn't that usually how Arrancar's pressure is?"

"Yes. And that's how hers is."

I scowled; they were talking about me as if I wasn't standing there. I was getting a little annoyed now. I didn't really understand what they were saying. Am I one of them then? That didn't make any sense.

"Are you saying I'm one of them?" I snapped, irritated.

"No, you're not. You've got a similar pressure, but you're definitely not. Arrancar are Hollows who took their masks off to gain Soul Reaper powers. They don't have any human feelings whatsoever. If you gain similar powers, which you may, you'll be more like a new breed of Vizard, since you'd be a Soul Reaper who gained Hollow powers, just to more of an extent." Rukia spoke in a rush; she was difficult to understand.

"Is that even possible?" Ichigo looked shocked.

"I don't know! I've never picked up on a pressure on a Soul Reaper that's extremely close to an Arrancar's before. It's safe to say a lot of things that we didn't think we're possible, are possible." Rukia frowned, looking at me again.

I crossed my arms; I didn't know what this meant for me. But it could be bad….I was beginning to think that I could become one of them.

I didn't want to become one of them.


	38. Chapter 38

Ichigo was scowling at Rukia, and she had no expression on her face. I wasn't sure what to think. Was I one of them, or what was I? I didn't know what it meant for me but it meant that I was something entirely different than they were expecting.

"So what should we do?" Ichigo asked her.

Rukia looked flustered. "I don't know. We might have to go to Soul Society; they haven't seen anything like this before either. It's really strange."

"Do you really think going into Soul Society like that is really a good idea?" Ichigo snapped at her.

"I don't know what else we can do! If they come after her, she isn't safe. No one is for that matter when it comes to him."

"I can take him. I did last time." Ichigo look dead serious.

"You almost didn't make it last time! Don't be stupid Ichigo." She growled at him.

I just stood there and listened, not really having an opinion on what was happening, because I didn't really understand what we needed to do. I just didn't want to endanger anybody. But in reality, was anywhere safe anymore?

"I'm not being stupid. I'm just saying when it comes to her, I'm going to kill him before he can touch her!" Ichigo growled loudly.

Rukia got in his face. "When you can get stronger. Then you can take him on."

Ichigo looked frustrated. "So you think taking her to Soul Society is going to solve the problem?"

"No, I don't. But it's a temporary solution until we can figure out what the heck is going on with her!"

Listening to the them, it was as if they were speaking of somebody else. That really didn't bother me; I really wished they were talking about somebody else. This didn't seem real. It felt like I was in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. And if I couldn't wake up, then the nightmare would never end. Sadly, it was reality. And reality really sucked.

"Rukia, we can't just flee to Soul Society because that is the _easiest_ solution. Half the time, those end up being the wrong ones." He glared at her.

"What do you want me to do?!" She shouted. "That's the safest way right now."

"Yeah, whatever." Ichigo sighed. "I'm done arguing. If you want to take her there, fine. I can't even go. I know my dad would be upset." He just looked plain tired now.

I'm not sure what sort of expression was on my face. But Ichigo frowned when he looked at me. I must've been upset, and I was beginning to feel it. I went outside and sat down on the porch, putting my head in my hands, my elbows on my knees. If they wanted to make me go, they'd have to drag me. I didn't want to go alone.

Ichigo sat down next to me, but I didn't look up. I didn't have anything to say to him.

"Saru…I'm sorry but I really can't go with you…" He sounded flustered.

"Fine, whatever." I tried to sound like I didn't care, but it didn't work.

"It's only temporary."

I glared at him. "How long is temporary? How long am I going to have to stay in a place that I have never been to, _by myself_?!"

He flinched. "I don't know."

"Yet you still have to send me alone."

"I can't go. I have to stay here with my family. I have to keep an eye out for the Arrancar…" He trailed off.

"Fine. I'll go alone." I stood up and went back inside, and into the bathroom, and locked myself in.

I didn't come out, even when there was a knock on the door. I wasn't going to come out. I didn't want to talk to him. Since he couldn't come with me, I needed to adjust not being with him all the time. For all I know it could be months before I end up seeing him again, if I really do have to go to Soul Society, but at the moment I didn't care. If going somewhere without him was the only solution, then I'd have to adjust to being alone. Otherwise it would be more painful to go. I knew I was just attempting to justify my behavior.

"Saru." He said through the door, his voice muffled. "I know you're upset. I'm sorry. It's not like you're going to be alone the entire time. I just go right away. Not until I get things figured out here, because who knows how long you'll have to stay."

"Whatever." I snapped. I wasn't in the mood.

He sighed angrily. "Are you going to stay in there all day?"

"Yes."

"You're being ridiculous."

"I wasn't expecting to have to go to this place alone!" My voice cracked and I had to fight back sobs.

"I would go if I didn't have to figure stuff out."

"What stuff?!"

"Just things with my family. If I just up and disappear for who knows how long they'll freak out. I don't want to go anywhere without them knowing something-even if it's just a story."

I didn't answer. I knew that's what he needed to do, but I still didn't like it. I wanted him to come with me, even if that was really selfish. I just didn't know what to think. I finally sighed; I was being ridiculous.

"Do I really have to go?"

"It's the safest solution at the moment. Trust me, I don't want to send you there."

Suddenly Rukia could be heard. "It's not a bad place to be. You can get some 'official' training while you're there."

I huffed. "So I really have to go."

She sighed. "Yes, but I promise you it's not that bad. You can even stay with me if you want to. I can help you train which would probably help us get this weird…thing sorted out."

"Um, okay."

"I have to go call them, I'll be right back." Rukia's voice faded away.

I didn't say anything. I had nothing to say but I did get up and open the bathroom door, and ended up getting swept into Ichigo's arms. We were both completely silent. There was nothing to be said, or done. I was getting sent away, and who knew how long it would be before we saw each other again. Days…or weeks. I didn't want to think about that.

He continued to hold me, even when Rukia came back, looking a little agitated. "She's permitted to go, but not until tomorrow afternoon. My brother will be coming to get us both."

I didn't answer, but I felt relief that I'd have today with him. Even Ichigo seemed to relax. But then there was a knock on the door and he sighed, and stomped down the stairs. I trailed behind him. He opened the door, and suddenly slammed it, and grabbed my arm, and I was suddenly being dragged. Before I even knew what was going on, I was suddenly locked in the bathroom again with Rukia. Ichigo had gone back downstairs and before I could ask her, she knocked me out of my body and dragged me out the window and suddenly we were running.

"What's going on?" I asked as we got farther away.

"There was an Arrancar in a gigai at the door. Which means Ulquiorra can't be far."

My heart dropped into my stomach.


	39. Chapter 39

Rukia was still dragging at me, even when I yelled at her that we had to go back for Ichigo. She wasn't listening to me, and we started to run faster and faster. It must be something Soul Reapers can do. I didn't resist her dragging or tried to go back. There was no point; I would put myself in more danger than I needed. But I couldn't help worry about Ichigo. I had to keep telling myself that he would be fine. But for some reason something continued to tell me that I had to go back. But I couldn't loosen Rukia's grip on me, so there was no point in fighting her.

"Ichigo should keep him distracted long enough for us to get away." Rukia said to me, and our running slowed.

"Where are we going? Soul Society?" My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach.

"We can't yet. So for now we just have to hope we can avoid the danger." Rukia looked extraordinarily frustrated.

"What will happen if we don't?"

"They'll probably kidnap you, considering the type of spiritual pressure you have."

I repressed a shudder as we continued to slow, then stopped. Rukia looked around, punched a number into her phone thing, and held it to her ear. There must have been a problem because she frowned and tucked the phone away.

"I can't connect to Soul Society." She sighed. "This is going to be difficult."

I suddenly felt nauseous and couldn't move. It felt like a ton of bricks had been suddenly dropped on me. I wanted to throw up. Judging from the shock and horror on Rukia's face, she wasn't much better off. I had no idea who was approaching; but this was turning really bad really fast. I began trembling like a leaf. Black spots appeared in my vision before I could do anything. I looked at Rukia's face, and I could see her alarm, right as everything faded to black.

I woke up in total darkness. My body ached, and my mouth was dry, my lips cracked. I was on cold, hard stone. I felt bindings on my wrists and ankles, and every time I shifted, they chafed against my skin, so sitting up was painful. Once I was sitting up, I could tell I was sitting in a cell, just a concrete room really, with no light, except what little was pouring through a square hole in the door. I had no idea where I was, or what happened to Rukia. My head pounded and everything was kinda fuzzy. I really wondered what would have happened to Ichigo. That thought set my heart racing, beating so hard and fast like it was trying to rip its way out of my chest.

I heard footsteps, and I scooted back to the far wall, which my chains allowed although my arms and legs protested the movement, and the manacles chafed again and I winced. Then I felt a sensation crawling through me and I recognized what it was and I clenched my teeth.

My inner hollow was trying to take over. She could feel power in the air that she was drawing from, which meant I was probably in a place that my hollow could freely take control anytime. I swallowed hard, and my hands clenched into fists. I couldn't let her win. I wouldn't.

She recoiled from me when I pushed back at her, sending her fleeing to the back of my mind where I could hardly feel her. The footsteps were getting closer and soon a face peeked in. It was too dark now to see; the head blocked out the light.

"She's awake." A monotone voice said. "Finally."

"Move idiot." Another voice said, a lot harsher.

The head disappeared and another one appeared and I caught a glimpse of his facial features which set me shaking. Ulquiorra.

"What do you want from me?" I spat at him.

"Nothing yet." He said, sounding bored.

"Why am I here then?" I growled, with less menace than I was going for.

"I'm not going to tell you." He said. "You'll just have to wait until you are summoned."

"Where am I anyways?" I asked tiredly.

"Hueco Muendo. The hollow world."

Ice seemed to infuse itself in my veins and I began shaking. This explained why my hollow had become active after being subdued for so long. This was not a good situation to be in. Ulquiorra's face disappeared, and I was left alone again. I bit my lip, ignoring the fact that I bit it open, and blood trickled down my chin and dripped onto my clothes. I didn't care.

I needed to figure out how to escape, that was my priority. I jerked my arms hard against the manacles, and I felt blood on my wrists and I let my arms drop, wincing in pain. That was a stupid idea in the first place, I just had to try. I looked around, hoping to see something I could maybe use. Nothing, the walls and floor were completely smooth and blank. There was no sign of an escape either other than the door, and I'm bound to have a guard. I wasn't sure what to do now. I laid my head back on the wall and tried to think; and as I did that I fell asleep.

_I was back inside my inner world. Yoso was nowhere in sight, but the hollow was watching me, with a half smile on her face._

_ "Seems that you got us in a bit of a sticky situation." She stated._

_ "Thank you captain obvious." I snapped at her. "You're not helpful."_

_ She crossed her arms and leaned on a tree, which went dead at her touch. "I can break us out. If you let me take control."_

_ "Hah." I snarled at her. "Like I'd let you do that. I don't trust you."_

_ She glared at me. "You want to get out or not?" _

_ "I do want out but I'm sure as heck not letting you take control!"_

_ She got right in my face, glaring me down, she roughly grabbed my shoulders. "You are freaking crazy if you think you can break us out. Your powers are nothing compared to mine in the hollow world. I can feel it empowering me."_

_ "Exactly." I shrugged her off. "That's why I'm not giving you control."_

_ She glared at me annoyed but I had nothing else to say to her and I turned my back._

That's when I woke up to a banging on my door and I looked up to see something I didn't recognize that opened the door and approached me, unsnapping the chains from the door and dragging me out.

"Where are you taking me?" I growled as I was dragged through dark halls.

"Ulquiorra has summoned you. He has something he needs to do."

At that, my heart dropped into my stomach.


	40. Chapter 40

I got dragged for quite some time before we came into a large dark room with pillars, and at the other end of this long room, Ulquiorra sat on a tall white throne that was cracked in several spots. I'd resisted being dragged to make this observation but the Arrancar roughly jerked my arm, causing me to fall forward and once again, I'm being dragged towards Ulquiorra. As we got closer, every instinct in my body screamed at me to resist, fight the one dragging me, and run away. To where? I had no idea, and I doubt I could make it far without Ulquiorra knocking me out with his spiritual pressure again.

I'm dropped on the ground in front of Ulquiorra and my chains are bound to the floor, though it was impossible to see what was binding them there. All I knew is that because of the chains, I couldn't move. I didn't dare to look up at Ulquiorra, mostly due to fear and maybe in his eyes it was a sign of defiance. It would probably only bring punishment on me in the end, but I really didn't care. I wouldn't do whatever it was he wanted me to do.

"Leave us." He hissed at the Arrancar who brought me in.

I heard the footsteps leave and waited for Ulquiorra to say something. He didn't. Instead I heard him step down from his throne, his feet appeared in front of my face and he put his hand under my chin and jerked my head up, forcing me to look at him. He just observed me with an unreadable expression on his face, then dropped my head and walked back to his throne.

He spoke a few moments later. "I want to see the hollow."

I tensed up. "No. She is not allowed out."

"Bring her out."

I looked up at him with hate burning in my eyes. "I said no! I am not going to let her out."

Ulquiorra looked a little annoyed but covered it up pretty quickly. "You will bring her out, or I will make her come out."

I glared at him in defiance. "I will not let her out."

He stood up, approached me, and hit me across the face hard. I saw a flash of light, the room spun, and there was ringing in my ears and I fell on my back. Black spots appeared across my vision. I blinked them away and sat up. Suddenly he kicked me in the gut, sending pain up my spine into my neck and I was forced onto my back again. The hollow was pushing her way into my consciousness but I shoved her back, refusing to give into Ulquiorra's demand. I wouldn't give up. He must've understood I was resistant because he ripped the chains free, lifted me by my neck, and threw me across the room. I slammed into one of the pillars with a loud crack and I fell forward onto my face, the pillar crumbling to the ground. I pushed myself onto my knees. He sent a kick into my side and I gasped in pain at the crunch I heard. I was sure one of my ribs was now broken, but that wouldn't stop him. He jerked me to my feet, and decked me in the face again, sending me staggering backwards. That wasn't a full force punch, otherwise I would've gone flying across the room. My nose was gushing blood and I could feel one of my eyes beginning to swell shut. My ears started ringing again.

"You are pathetically stubborn." He growled.

I spat blood into his face and he hit me in the head again. I staggered back, and collapsed. I watched him approach me, but everything went black when he went to hit me again.

I woke back up in my cell, aching and sick. My stomach rolled, upset and my left eye had swollen completely shut. My hollow must've come out, she had to have. But I hadn't felt her take control as I was losing consciousness. I groaned and leaned up against the wall. Ulquiorra's face appeared in front of the cell.

"You are very stubborn. I will force that hollow out of you someday." He left after that.

I was feeling strangely relieved. My hollow hadn't betrayed me and come out when I'd lost consciousness. I wondered why. I tugged against the chains again, and nearly screamed I was in so much pain. Breathing was agonizing, that confirmed the broken rib. My face really ached, as did my nose. I wondered, did he break that too? I have no idea. I couldn't move too much, my stomach rolled nastily and I felt like I'd puke. I tugged on the chains again, and had to bite my lower lip to prevent myself from screaming.

The cell door opened and Ulquiorra came in, and crouched in front of me. I flinched when he reached out to touch me and his hand paused mid air. He dropped his hand, shook his head, and left the cell, slamming the door behind him. Okay, that was weird. I didn't want to know what he did that for, when I thought about it I shuddered. I guess it didn't matter; I wasn't going to survive this if I was going to take this much of a beating. I let my eyes slip shut and I sank into oblivion.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: the hollow's point of view will still be first person, but in **_**italics like this**_** so it's easy to tell the difference. Anyways enjoy the chapter! Warning; Ulquiorra is definitely OOC and I had too much fun with it.**

When I woke up, I was in a different cell, I could tell. There was an actually bed this time, although the mattress was very thin and more like a mat. Also I was no longer chained to the floor, which was nice, but my wrists and ankles were raw and sore from being bound to the ground in the other cell. There was a bucket in the other corner and I had an idea what that was for and I shuddered; that was better than not having anything but it would smell horribly. I needed to escape but the only way for me to escape was to turn control over to the hollow…which was really the last thing I needed…

I heard loud shouting and my cell door flew open and Ulquiorra roughly lifted me off the floor and dragged me out. The shouts I was hearing were alarmed and angry; and there was a lot of chaos and noise. What was going on that required Ulquiorra to come grab me? I had no clue.

"Where are you taking me?" I growled at him.

"Somewhere where they can't take you away from here." He hissed.

"Who's they?"

"Who do you think?"

He kept dragging me, muttering angrily under his breath about how bad his luck just so happened to be. I didn't understand who he meant by _they_. But after a second it finally dawned on me. The only people that went through her mind at the moment were Ichigo and Rukia. But then didn't Rukia get captured too? Not likely, seeing as it was me they wanted. I knew Ichigo was at least one of them. I couldn't be sure who the others were and how many others there were. Maybe Renji? I don't even know.

Ulquiorra suddenly jerked me to a stop and we turned down a nearly pitch black corridor, where I kept stumbling over stuff because I couldn't see. That didn't seem to upset him or anything because he kept dragging me down the hallway, hissing when there were voices behind us. Eventually, he threw me over his shoulder so he could move faster and soon I had no idea what directions we were taking. But he was moving fast enough that the voices disappeared quickly and my hope of being rescued vanished quickly. What would I do now? Ulquiorra probably wouldn't leave me alone anymore after this. That's when I got an idea. I let out the loudest, highest scream I could possibly muster, and it echoed through the hallway, hopefully loud enough for them to hear and I hoped the short duration was enough because now in a flash I had a gag in my mouth, so I couldn't keep screaming. I had to hope that they knew where the scream came from, otherwise I was doomed to have my hollow be forced out, and I would be lost.

I was dropped in a bright white room, a rather large one too, but it had to be underground because there were no windows. And there were pillars that seemed to be supporting the ceiling. Ulquiorra suddenly gave me a rough kick to the side and I hissed and managed to pry the gag out of my mouth, right as I was kicked again.

"Are you going to listen to me and let your hollow out?" He growled angrily at me.

"Why should I let her out?" I snapped acidly at him. "I shouldn't have to listen to you."

"You're going to regret that." He seemed to regain his bored composure and he lifted me by my throat and threw me across the room into the wall, where I stayed for about three seconds and then I fell to the ground. I struggled to get to my feet but Ulquiorra disappeared and reappeared right in front of me, lifting me by the collar of my shirt and throwing me away again. I rolled and attempted to stand in the process but my vision blurred violently and I was suddenly choking on blue stuff that was now pouring out of my mouth, and forming over my face. The only coherent thought I had was _wasn't the hollow skin black_? Then I lost control.

_I felt sheer joy as she rendered control to me. She didn't have much of a choice; the slime ball Ulquiorra made her too weak to fight me any longer. She was forced to yield, which was less satisfactory than her willingly yield to me. That didn't matter; I would be fighting for both of our lives. Three, if you count the zanpakuto. I don't. _

_ The blue and white skin completely formed over my/her body, completing the hollow transformation. Now instead of feet, paper white talons, with turquoise, razor sharp talons were in their place. The skin was bird like up until the knees, where feathers began, they looked soft but in reality were as sharp as the talons, and none of the outfit was left; it was buried under the hollow shell. The feathers covered my body and arms to my elbows, where the bird skin began and my fingers were the same, but thicker, with razor blue talons. The feathers alternated between blue and white, although not in any particular order, even on the large wings. The feathers were larger and lesser in number on the wings, but still deadly all the same if used. The beak was like an eagle's, hooked to a sharp point at the end, the mask white on one side, blue on the other. My amber and black eyes glowed out from beneath it. I was pissed; I was sick of this stupid disgusting bug messing with us; enough was enough._

_ I let out a loud piercing shriek, one that could incapacitate if needed. It didn't have the desired effect I wanted; but he did flinch slightly. It wasn't enough to do much for me; but I still felt pleasure regardless._

_ "I see you finally came out." He said in that bored tone which pissed me off._

_ "You didn't give me a choice; if I had to, I wouldn't have come out for absolute scum like you. You're an abomination." I hissed._

_ "You're not much different from me." He remarked._

_ I plucked one of my razor sharp feathers from my body. "Don't you dare lump us in with you worthless trash." I flung the feather at a blinding speed at him as I felt a pinch from the feather being replaced on my body._

_ He caught it, but seemed dumbfounded when he realized that it cut his hand open. He looked at me incredulously, outrage clear on his face. This was more fun than his bored, I'm holier-than-thou expression._

_ "What the heck are you? This thing should not have cut my skin!" He howled, flinging the feather away. "I'm better than you!" _

_ I chuckled, the sound distorted by my hollow-ness. "Maybe not."_

_ He looked totally pissed but suddenly he regained his composure. "But then again, I could take all of you at once if I release. To my full power."_

_ I looked to my left and spotted Ichigo and the ones known as Renji and Rukia, and one other person that we didn't know. Ichigo's gaze fixed on me and changed from relief that we were alive to full blown horror. I was a little irritated that he was horrified by me, but that didn't matter. He was inferior compared to the power I have. Especially if I combined it with Saru's and Yoso's. Which I knew I was going to have to do it, despite Saru being weak. I'd have to wait to the point where she could fight me off, and then absorb some of her power so as to keep her from taking control back and making fighting much easier. Yoso had already agreed to this plan but Saru just had refused to let me in control. Now our plan could go into effect, soon. _

_ I turned my attention away from Ichigo and lunged at the unprepared Arrancar, cutting him across the face with my talons. He glared angrily at me, letting his composure slip up again, something I was sure he'd never done in previous meetings, and sent a kick in my direction. Flaring my wings I launched into the air, completely avoiding his kick. He growled angrily and drew his zanpakuto as I came crashing back down towards him. I flared my wings out when Ichigo knocked him out of the way, and I landed, jerking a little because I landed a little roughly. I charged towards Ulquiorra as Ichigo was knocked away and he must have said something because there was suddenly an explosion of blackness that spread out really thin, then withdrew, gathering around Ulquiorra, especially his back, to show that he was now in a long flowing cloak dress thing, had large bat wings and his hole seemed to have changed and moved. The mask thing that had only covered one side of his head, now covered the entirety of his head, and there was curved horns it seemed coming off of it. He pointed his finger at me and a black and green ball formed and I leaped out of the way as the cero went off with an insanely loud shrieking noise._

_ As he was targeting the others, I came at him from the side, swinging my talons, charged with electric reitsu straight into his shoulder. I nicked him, I could see from the expression on his face, and he tried to kick me again, but I just jumped out of the way, and he glared at me, but became occupied when Renji and Rukia and Ichigo all came at him._

_ He said something again and they were all suddenly shot backwards as Ulquiorra was enveloped in a green light, which exploded outwards as he changed. I stared, a little awestruck by what I saw. _

_ He was now in no clothes, the hole had moved to his chest, and gotten bigger, there was no helmet mask on his head, just horns that twirled and faced the sky. His eyes were a deep green; his feet were black and clawed, covered in fur to his waist. His hands were the same, up to the elbows, and he now had a long tail, with a round, fur covered thing at the end of it. All the exposed skin was pale, almost paper white. He gave me a grim look and suddenly charged, smashing his hand into my face. NO! The mask was cracked and I was beginning to slip away. I didn't even have time to fight! This wasn't right!_

_ Everything swirled into darkness._


	42. Chapter 42

_I woke up, still in control. The mask had repaired itself, which means Saru had still been unable to come back and I noticed that the fight had either moved, or I just didn't see where anybody was. I looked up and saw a hole in the ceiling that is where the fight must have gone. I got to my feet, crouched, flared my wings out, and launched myself into the air, heading straight for the hole that would lead to reveal the outside of this building in this hollow world of Hueco Mundo. _

_ I landed lightly on the roof of the building to find things blasted apart but the fight wasn't here. Frustrated, I leaped into the air to fly, following the trail of destruction. However long I was out, the fight had moved quite a bit of ways, and they probably left me behind on purpose. Maybe they thought Saru was gone, a hollow left in place. If they left us here because Saru was still too weak to regain control I would be kicking some butt once we figured out how to get back to the World of the Living. _

_ The trail of destruction appeared to get progressively worse. The ground was even full of craters and the dead trees ripped free from the ground. I still couldn't find the fight which was absolutely frustrating. If I didn't find the fight soon, I would have to assume that Saru and I were abandoned, thinking she was dead and that I was in full control. To reassure myself, I reached out in my mind and felt Saru's presence; although weak it was starting to get stronger. She was still unconscious, which gave me time to find the fight without having to struggle for control. But that also meant I couldn't get any stronger yet. That could present a problem once I actually found the fight!_

_ There was a lot of noise the further away from the building I got, and further into Hueco Mundo. I must have been out for a while…or the fight just moved quickly. I couldn't tell. I continued flying, beginning to feel apprehension as Saru began coming back to consciousness rather quickly. I hadn't anticipated that she'd get back to this point so quickly. I began flying faster, a little more frantically. I needed to get back to the brawl; to the action. Otherwise this would be pointless._

_ Once I finally reached the fight, I noticed that Renji and Rukia seemed to be staying out of it. Ichigo was getting his butt absolutely kicked. This wasn't going to end well for him if he kept this up; I needed to get involved. I had a nasty idea, but he was still in my way. I began forming a blue and white cero in my beak anyways, but waited. Once Ichigo got knocked out of the way, I fired it, hoping to at least singe Ulquiorra, if not directly hit him. He snarled angrily at me, and disappeared, and then reappeared, glaring malevolently up at me. He pointed his finger and started charging a cero, but suddenly became occupied with blocking a red wave that came flying at him. I dove right then, and swung one of my hands with charged electric talons at his back. He reacted too quickly for me by spinning around and grabbing my arm, slamming me into the ground. I snapped my beak on his arm, digging the tip in as hard as I possibly could. I could see he was getting pissed and he ripped his arm free, ignoring the blood that was working its way out of the wound._

_ Everything began to jerk and spin. Saru was trying to take control back. That's when I absorbed some of her strength, weakening her to the point where she couldn't fight me again. She'd hate me for it, but at least I had a reason to do it. She'd thank me, even if it wasn't for years on end, or until she left her physical body behind. Maybe then she'd thank me._

_ I charged at Ulquiorra, swinging my talons at him. However, he was prepared for that. He threw his tail at me but I was able to dodge it, when I turned I noticed that Ichigo was lying on the ground, not responsive. His zanpakuto was a few feet away from his hand. I was sure he was knocked unconscious which meant he would be out of the fight and I would have to finish it. I didn't know if I could but I had to try._

_ I fired another cero at Ulquiorra, lacing in electricity with it this time. It still didn't directly hit him, but judging from his irritated face, I must have hit him somehow. Then I spotted the giant hole in one of his wings. But it sealed closed pretty quickly, and I nearly cursed. I absolutely hated high speed regeneration, and Ulquiorra had it! The only way to defeat him past the point of regenerating was to kill him. And it wasn't possible yet. Not until Saru was strong enough that we'd be able to share powers without me accidently tearing her to shreds. _

_ I was thinking of retreat, when I got dizzy and everything went black_.

Several hours later…Saru

I woke up in the Shoten. How did I get here? I remember being in Hueco Mundo, and losing control to the hollow. I remember trying to gain control back but then she stole my strength to continue fighting. I haven't decided if I hate her for that or if I'm grateful. Everything between the lost control up to me regaining strength was lost time. Then time was lost again when we both lost consciousness. And now I was back in the Shoten.

That's when I saw Ichigo, unconscious on the other couch. I spotted Rukia and I wanted to know.

"What happened?"

She stared at me, freaked out.


	43. Chapter 43

She continued staring at me for the longest time it felt like, as if she didn't know what to say. But why was she staring at me like I would hurt her? That was actually insulting but I couldn't let it bother me. It was probably because of my hollow that she was staring at me like I would attack her any second. But I had full control and I doubt the hollow would take control. And I was in my body too, so that helped. The hollow was weak from the recent fight and had to recover; it would be a few days before she could ever take control from me again. Which at the moment made me glad, because her ability to sap my strength made me angrier than I was grateful.

Finally Rukia spoke. "It seemed when we finally found you, the hollow had completely taken over and was actually taking Ulquiorra on. She seemed to be on equal footing with him, she even cut through his skin a few times, which was surprising. That was probably the only time I have ever seen him lose his cool before. That is probably a façade he uses then, if he can lose it so easily. She stayed on even footing until for some reason she passed out, and we thought maybe you'd wake up. But before we could check, the fight started getting out of hand, and we had to leave you behind so we could keep track of it. We figured maybe if you woke up as yourself, you'd be safer where we left you, we never thought your hollow would have maintained control so it surprised us all when she came flying out but then she eventually passed out and the fight ended, with Ulquiorra severely wounded, but not dead."

I growled. "So we know he's going to be back for revenge then."

"Yes, and hopefully we'll have been able to get you strong enough to fight without your hollow getting involved like she did."

"She was forced out because Ulquiorra beat me half to death. She wouldn't have gotten in the fight otherwise."

"You're not going to like me much for saying this, but maybe it was good she took over. She made the fight more even than Ulquiorra had to expect."

I scowled, but nodded. "You're right. It sounds like she fought better than I ever could have."

"Do you even know bankai?" Rukia asked.

I shook my head. "We never really got to it. They said I was ready but we never got to it."

Rukia looked frustrated but then sighed. "We'd have to wait for Ichigo to recover and wake up, which he hasn't yet. So it might be a few days."

"A few _days?!" _I looked stunned.

She nodded. "He got pretty extensive injuries that even Orihime couldn't handle, even if she was here to take care of it. He's lucky he's still got his powers, and that he's even alive."

I made a strange noise and regret crossed Rukia's face. She must've known that she had said too much, that she had hurt me without really even meaning to. I blinked away tears, trying not to seem weak, especially since my hollow had done all the fighting for me. I had to stay strong! Rukia turned her head away, looking pretty upset herself and I noticed Renji was sitting on the floor, looking like he's waiting for Ichigo to wake up. His eyes meet mine and I let them drift away, just staring into space really now. What else was I supposed to do?

I slowly sat up, but nearly screamed in pain. I'd forgotten how much abuse I had gone through. I still sat up anyways, despite the pain. I could see Ichigo, and I could see that he was still out. I felt absolutely horrible, knowing it was my fault that he had nearly died. I mean, I couldn't help the kidnapping but I really wish I could have prevented him from getting so badly hurt. But there was nothing I could do about it now. I flinched at the sight anyways.

"This is my fault. I should have been able to stop him from getting so hurt." I said, glancing at Rukia.

"No. There wasn't anything you could do. You weren't even the one fighting. That couldn't be helped." She said, a slight scowl forming on her face.

"But he's half-dead because I wasn't strong enough to fight him myself." I growled.

Renji had walked into the room right as I said that, and he stared at me like I was completely insane. I flinched from the look he was getting me, and resorted to staring at the floor, because I didn't want to see Ichigo in the condition that he was in. I believed what I did; they didn't understand that I blamed myself because I was the one who didn't fight and even the hollow couldn't beat him because we were too weak to.

"It's not like you would have been able to beat him in the first place." Renji snapped at me, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "He's too strong for all of us combined."

"Clearly." I spat at him, fed up with them both.

He scowled at me. "You need to relax. And stop blaming yourself. It's Ichigo's own fault he wasn't prepared to fight Ulquiorra, not yours."

If I could get up right then, I would have gotten up and punched him right in the face. Although he would've been able to block me pretty easily. I finally just laid back, because I knew that this conversation would explode into a fight if I kept on blaming myself. What I wanted more than anything was to have Ichigo wake up, just so I could know if he was alright. I finally fell asleep.

At least three days went by before Ichigo ever did wake up. I was able to get up and move about the day after, although I was still sore. Ichigo remained unconscious during that time, which I never left his side, even to sleep. I just slept on the floor next to the couch. I hardly ate either; I was too worried about Ichigo to really eat anything. Every day I sat by the couch and watched Ichigo's face waiting for him to wake up. It stung me to go to bed when he didn't wake up. I was beginning to believe he was in a coma and would never wake up. Rukia just tries to tell me that his body is trying to adjust; the injuries on his soul were lagging in his body. I wasn't sure if I really believed her. So that's how I spent the next three days, although school was pricking at the back of my mind. That was a minor issue.

When Ichigo did wake up, it actually startled me. One minute he was just lying there unconscious. Then around noon that day, it was a Thursday I thought, he suddenly bolts upright, gasping. I could have sworn I jumped about two feet off the ground. I looked at him, and he looked bewildered and confused.

"How'd I get here?" He frowned.

Rukia answered before I could. "Back at the Shoten. You've been out for about 4 days."

4 days? That meant I'd been out for a day. Ichigo looked horrified. "I was?"

She nodded. "Yeah, you were. We thought you maybe lost your powers or…" She trailed off with a shrug.

He looked confused. "I didn't use my powers to the max. I may have overstrained myself, but if I had used the entirety of my powers I would have probably been out for a month."

I stared, not willing to say anything.

He could have been unconscious for an entire month?!


	44. Chapter 44

I gasped in surprise and stumbled backwards. If I had known that I would have seriously lost my mind. My breathing was heavy, and I could feel my eyes fill up with tears. Ichigo was staring at me frowning, and he also looked confused, like he didn't understand why I was so upset. I kept stumbling backwards until I bumped into the other couch and fell backwards on it. My vision blurred and I couldn't see anything. I flipped over onto my side and buried my face into a pillow and started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help it; I couldn't stand the thought of having him be out for an entire month. And knowing it was my fault made it ten times worse.

"Saru?" He said gently.

I couldn't control myself enough to answer him; it just wasn't happening. I heard him grunt and a creak as he got off the couch. I sniffed and swallowed hard and took a few breathes and looked up, about to tell him to lie back down, when he pulled me into his arms and practically crushed me in them. I liked the feeling of his arms around me, but I couldn't hold back anymore and I lost it uncontrollably again. He just let me soak his shirt with my tears. I cried myself out after a few minutes or so, but Ichigo didn't drop his arms. I felt him shaking a little which worried me. He must have really been worried about me, or possibly losing his powers, or maybe even both. I wouldn't really know.

After a moment, I heard Renji clear his throat. "You know we aren't out of danger right? He's going to come back for revenge and for her."

"I know. We'll be ready." Ichigo growled at him.

"He's not one to sit there and wait, licking his wounds. Once he can, he will be back."

Ichigo released me and turned to face Renji. "I know! But until that time we'll train. We have to be ready for him."

"That's not enough time!" Renji looked absolutely frustrated. "She'll not be able to withstand him this next time, even with her hollow!"

I wanted to speak up, but I felt like I wouldn't be a contribution to the discussion so I kept my mouth shut. Ichigo seemed to be a in some sort of rage, and I could tell he wanted to punch Renji in the face. But Renji was totally right. We would never be completely ready before Ulquiorra comes and gets us. Or to be more precise, me. I was terrified of what could happen to Ichigo if he comes back after me again. I couldn't handle the thought of losing him because he was trying to protect me. But I knew that nothing I'd say or do would prevent him from getting involved. Oh how I wished I could keep him out of it.

Ichigo scowled at Renji. "We'll do what we can. You don't need to be so pessimistic."

"I'm just being realistic." He sighed tiredly. "I don't see how she'd survive another encounter. She barely survived the first one."

"We'll get through this. Somehow."

I then noticed he didn't directly disagree with Renji. What was he thinking would happen to me this next time? I was too afraid to ask, and too afraid to see what his reaction would be to such a question. I would have to wait until I could get him alone to ask. But would I ever even be able to ask? I wasn't so sure of myself.

Ichigo sighed. "I've got to get home. I think my dad would be wondering where I am right now."

Rukia only nodded, her eyes unfocused. Renji only sighed and sat down and I remained absolutely silent. Ichigo didn't say anything, but he did look at me, as if waiting for me to say something. I met his gaze but remained silent. I was afraid that if I said anything I would burst into tears again. I was tired of breaking so easily and I didn't want to do it again. I was absolutely exhausted. After a few seconds, he held his hand out to me. I slowly took it and he helped me up off the couch. He led me outside and we started walking towards his house in silence for a while.

"I was so scared you weren't going to wake up." I said, breaking the silence.

"I wasn't going to die. I wouldn't die so easily." He said quietly. "We just have to be more prepared. I was terrified you'd been completely gone when your hollow…" He trailed off, unable to finish.

We stopped walking so I could look up at him, wrapping my arms around him. He looked down at me and I could see the worry and fear in his eyes. I was sure I wore a similar expression. We both seemed to be thinking the same thing; if one of us lost the other, we wouldn't be able to get on with our lives. We'd barely be able to keep living. At least, that's how I felt. I wasn't sure about how Ichigo felt.

"We just need to both be prepared. He's going to come back." I whispered.

His arms went tight around me. "I'm worried what might happen if you go up against him again."

"I'm sure I'll be fine." I sighed. "I don't even know how much fighting I'd do. It's you I'm worried about."

He frowned. "I've fought him before."

"And you practically died!" My voice cracked. "I can't…if you were to…." I shook my head, tears streaming down my face.

"Hey." He whispered as I buried my face against his shoulder, crying now. He stroked the back of my head. "It's all going to be okay. I promise."

"You don't know that." I whispered, my voice hoarse. "You don't know what can happen the next time this happens."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He whispered in my ear. "I promise you I will keep you safe."

"But what about you?" I asked, finally looking at him. "I don't want to worry about losing you."

"I know how to fight. Like I said, I don't die easily." He smiled, but it didn't touch his eyes and it faded as quickly as it came. "I promise I can protect you."

I realized that he didn't mention making sure he'd come back alive from that fight. I bit my lip and stared at him. "But what about you staying alive?"

He suddenly looked away. "I can't guarantee that. I can keep you alive I know that, but he's strong and I could get…overwhelmed."

"I can't stand the thought of losing you! I'd rather us both not even fight if it meant you could stay alive!" I pulled away from him, meeting his eyes, tears pouring down my face, my voice hoarse and cracking. "I can't lose you! Life wouldn't be worth living if you died protecting me."

"I want so much to tell you that I can come out of it alive. But I can't guarantee it and you don't know how badly I wish I could." I could see tears forming in his eyes and his voice was getting hoarse. "I'm not going to lie to you and say I'll come out of it alive. I barely survived this last encounter. I don't honestly know if I can survive a third. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you alive." He takes a deep breath. "I love you Saru, and I don't want you to die because of some stupid mistake I make."

I stared at him, breathing hard. He said those words. Amongst all the angst and pain, he finally said it. I started shaking. "I love you too, Ichigo. And I can't live without you." I broke down right then and there.

He wound his arms around me and I cried into his chest. I stood there and cried for the longest time, then when I was relatively calmer, we started walking again, and both of us had an arm around each other's waists. We had returned to walking in complete silence. I had nothing to say to him that I could say without crying. And I was still shaking as we walked. It took a few extra minutes to get to his house than it should have because of that emotional scene we had. Once we got inside, his dad was sitting on the couch and he looked confused by our upset faces but Ichigo just shook his head and we went up to his room.

Ichigo had let go of me to go upstairs and he let me in the room first, then shut the door behind himself. I sat myself on the edge of his bed and he sat down next to me and we held each other in silence for a while. I wanted to treasure this moment, knowing that after the next Ulquiorra fight, there is a good chance I will be alone. And I hate that thought, but it's true. He wouldn't mean to leave me alone, but he could die protecting me from getting captured. I didn't know what I would do if I lost him like that though. I just couldn't see how I could live on without him. Even if we haven't been together that long, I felt like if I lost him, I'd lose my heart.

I sagged against Ichigo, tiredly. "Is it even late enough to go to bed yet?"

"I don't know, nor do I care. I'm tired." Ichigo yawned.

We laid down on his bed, me using his arm as a pillow and he had his other arm wrapped around me. I wrapped both of mine around him. We stared into each other's eyes silently, as if unwilling to go to sleep, despite being exhausted. I felt safe and warm just being here with him, and the idea that I could lose him, possibly soon, slipped to the back of my mind. I was happy that I didn't have to think about it now.

He kissed my forehead, slowly, gently, and I closed my eyes. It felt amazing. I felt a warm feeling spread throughout my entire body. Then he readjusted so he could just go back to gazing at me. He put one of his hands on my face.

"You're amazing, you know that right?"

A smile spread across my face. "I really like to hear that."

He smiled and then we kissed. It wasn't long, but it felt nice, especially since the emotional ordeal. That was draining, but I could stay up all night with him, just laying here with him because I can't get enough of being around him. In fact, not being around him sounds painful.

He smiled at me again, his eyelids drooping tiredly, and then he yawned and draped his one arm back over me and fell asleep. I smiled. He was pretty dang cute when asleep. I did eventually fall asleep as well though.


End file.
